Broken Dreams
by tabby1216
Summary: NM BASED.Bella leaves instead.When she has to come back to Forks after three years she is a different Bella and she isnt happy to see the Cullens.Will she forgive them and will B&E make up?Will the Cullens be able to keep her safe?
1. CopywriteAN

Stephanie Meyers owns all rights I am just having fun.

I am in the process of reworking some of the earlier chapters of this story. This is the first thing I had tried writting since High School and that has been about 10 years or so. So needless to say the beginging chapters are ruff and need a little TLC.

SO that being said if you are reading this for the first time please have a little understanding. (:

IF the chapter has been redone I will be changing the chapter titles to just numbers. So for example chapter one used to be named Going Home... It will now be known as CHAPTERONE.

I am going to put this in here too... Bella already knows about the whole werewolf thing.. plus in this story there is NO TREATY. Vamps and Weres can get along. They may still smell to one another but they can tolerate it.

Also if you are reading this for the first time, I love to hear from you! Please feel free to leave reviews and love for all chapters as you go (I never know if people want to hear about their chapter one when they are on thirty... I love to hear about all of them). Please be gentle though... harsh reviews (though needed sometimes) make me not want to write... so if you absolutely HATE what your reading... stop reading and please don't leave mean reviews.

Thanks and on with the show!

XOXO  
T


	2. CHAPTERONE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

What do I do now that he doesn't want me anymore? How do I pick myself up and move on from that? How do you move on from what you thought to be true love, a love that you thought was so strong…. I apparently was the only one with this opinion but I guess you live and learn. Even the ones that I had began to think of as family had no problem just leaving me and never looking back. Not that I should have expected anything else, I was just Bella and they were so much more.

That's why I refused to let all of them give up everything just for a nobody like me. I could close my eyes and still see Edw… his face after 3 years like it was yesterday.

The pain and pity in his eyes as he told me he didn't want me anymore and that they were all leaving so I could move on with my life without them. Which to this day I knew was a bullshit excuse. I would never move on from him , I couldn't. And how do you "move on" from family? I could never forget them, they meant to much.

"We are leaving Bella. So you can have a normal life and…." I remember the conversation like it was yesterday.

"No…" I interrupted him, "I won't let all of you leave because of me. There are seven of you…. And only one me. There is no point in all of you giving up everything you have just for me. I will leave. I'll go back to Phoenix to mom and Phil." I could feel my heart shatter into a million pieces but I didn't want his damn pity. "I am sorry for ever bothering you. I know you never wanted me, that I was nothing more that a distraction. Honestly it never made sense for you to love me. I was never enough for you. Never good enough…" I choked out the last few words, taking a deep breath refusing to completely break down in from of him.

"Be.." Edward started and I shook my head. I didn't want to hear excuses and more lies. I knew the truth, I had known all along.

Before I could completely breakdown in front of him I turned to leave. I had gotten a few steps away from him when he yelled out to me.

"Bella, they have already gone. I was going to leave after I talked to you…" I spun around my chest constricting tightly making it hard to breath. They had all left with out even saying goodbye. My "FAMILY" didn't even care enough about me to say goodbye. What was left of my heart shattered.

"Well you might as well call them and have them come back, because I can't stay here any longer." I kept my head down staring at my shoes. Turning back around, unable to look at him any longer crossing my arms over my chest, hugging myself, trying to relieve some of the pain in my chest. "It never made sense for you to love me…. I don't regret getting to know you or your family but seeing that everyone was going to leave without so much as goodbye…." my voice cracked but I took a deep breath and finished "I can see that I was stupid for believing for even a minute that I could ever be a part of your family or that ANY of you even cared for me to start with. I was never enough. So I promise this will be the last time you see me. I will be out of Forks before the morning. Goodbye Edward…. I will always lo…" I couldn't finish, it hurt to much.

I ran back towards the house leaving him standing there stunned and speechless and thankfully for once in my life I didn't fall or trip. I ran into the house and up the stairs to my room. I grabbed the first bag I saw and started throwing clothes into it. That finished and with tears streaming down my face as I picked up the picture of me and Edward. He never loved me. Vampires were good at lying, that's what he told me. I felt like such a dumb ass because it was all a lie. None of them loved me like I loved them and that hurt. My whole world was nothing but a bunch of crap and lies and that pissed me off.

I gathered everything that a Cullen had ever gave to me and put it into a trash bag. I grabbed my bag, the trash bag, the money I was saving for college from my sock drawer, and a screw driver. Giving one more quick glance around the room to make sure I didn't miss anything, then turned to leave.

I pulled out my cell phone and called Charlie (who was fishing) and left him a voicemail, telling him I was leaving and going back home to Phoenix. I was glad I had gotten his voicemail because I knew he would have made it harder by begging me to wait and give him a chance to discuss it with me. I told him I would call when I got home then hung up… Breaking his heart the same way I had months ago when James attacked, but I was 18 this time and I didn't need his permission.

I got into the truck throwing my belongings into the truck cab. Taking my screw driver, I pried the radio that Emmett had installed less than a month ago from the dash and threw it into the trash bag along with the rest of the stuff the Cullen's had gave to me. I grabbed a pen and paper from my pile of crap and wrote a simple note….

_I don't want your pity and I'm done with the lies. You can have this stuff back, give it to someone who matters._

_B_

I put the note in the bag with the things. Tears streamed down my face so hard I could barely see and it felt like there was a weight on my chest making it hard to breath. Taking as deep a breath I could, I started my truck and pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the Cullen's.

I only stopped briefly to place the bag by their mailbox. They are vampires they would find it and if they didn't well at least I didn't have to look at the shit anymore. I couldn't see the house from the road but HE had once told me that they could hear me coming in my truck from a mile away so I know they knew I was there. I made it quick because I couldn't bear to see any of them right now.

After the bag was placed I ran back to my truck and drove off heading home to Phoenix, never looking back, but somehow knowing they got their stuff.


	3. CHAPTERTWO

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I called mom when I got a few hours from Forks when I stopped for gas. I put it off long enough and I knew I had to call her before Charlie did.

Needless to say mom was mom and freaked out.

I spent an hour convincing her that I didn't want her to meet me in Phoenix, since she was in Jacksonville with Phil. With a little bit of work and a few threats of just leaving since I was 18 now, I convinced her that I was old enough to stay at the house while her and Phil were on the road. I told her I was going to get a job and save for school in the fall. Thankfully I knew I had enough credits from all the advanced courses HE convinced me to take that I could just be done with High School according to the state of Arizona.

I was relieved when I pulled into the driveway after two days of driving and no one was there. The last time I was in this house was the night with James but…. I had no fear as I unlocked the door. In all honesty I almost wished there was some psychotic vampire there waiting to kill me when I opened the door.

I hurt physically and mentally and I had been wishing for nothing more than sweet release from this hell ever since I left Forks. But alas… I wasn't that lucky.

I shut the door behind me and walked to my room. My mind swirling with thoughts. Dropping my bag of stuff on the floor, I collapsed on my bed. Taking out my phone I sent both mom and Charlie a text simply stating that I made it and I was fine but I just didn't feel like talking. I simply hit send then turned the phone off and curled into the fetal position and cried.

I let everything that I had been holding in for the two day drive out. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Then I just laid there staring at my ceiling wondering what I had done to deserve this shit until I couldn't fight sleep no more.

When I woke up I had to run to the store because there was nothing in the house to eat but canned corn and stale crackers.

When I got home from the store, I made a sandwich and then made myself eat it.

The house was a dusty mess since it had been months since mom had been home to do anything to it. So I began scrubbing, dusting, and vacuuming just so I had something to do. I felt numb, confused, and hurt but the more I cleaned the more mad I became.

They used me and they lied. He looked into my eyes and swore he loved me and I thought he was truthful. How could I have been so blind? So god damn stupid?

The pain in my chest and the betrayal in my shattered heart hurt so bad I wrapped my arms around myself in a half assed attempt to hold myself together, but it was then that it hit me… I was ALONE and I always would be because this kind of heartache isn't one you just moved on from.

When a dream like the one I had with …him… was ripped from your grasp you never recovered. I knew that. Whoever came up with the saying that 'Time Heals All Wounds' was full of shit. How in gods name was I supposed to trust anyone again? It would happen again… no one would ever want me like I wanted, no needed, him. He was the air I breathed and I was just a joke to him.

So the question of the year was 'Now what?'. What do I do now they are all gone, along with the life and love I had dreamed of for so long now? How do I exist with this hole in my heart and my life?

For these questions, I had no answers. Mainly because I simply didn't want to move on. I wanted nothing more than to go to the door and see him there on his knees begging for forgiveness or at the very least to see the others to say goodbye to them. Neither were going to happen. So instead I crawled my ass back into bed and cried myself to sleep.

This was the first night of the nightmares. I woke myself up screaming but I was unable to remember the dream. All I could remember was the unbearable feeling of isolation and darkness.

I had no desire to move nor did I attempt to. I lost track of time as I laid there crying alone in the dark. I only moved to go to the bathroom and eat. I felt like a shell of my former self and as much as I wanted to call them I never did. I didn't even call mom or Charlie because by now I had somehow convinced myself that I was nothing but a burden to them.

My life had went from perfect to crap in less than a week. How does that happen? HE was always worried about my soul. But with out him I had no soul and as far as I was concerned the god he always worried about was useless to me because if god was real… he wouldn't do this to his "children". He wouldn't show them what their life would be like then rip it away happily, as if it was no more than a sick joke. If this whole fucked up experience proved the existence of any form of deity… it would have to be the devil because, as of right now, I was positive I was in hell. It couldn't get any worse….. Or so I thought.

Two hours later the phone rang. It was Phil's agent. I answered the phone confused.

"Bella I am sorry to call you but we didn't know who else to call." he said after the introductions, " Honey, it's your mom and Phil. They were coming home to surprise you for the weekend but on the way to airport…..they were in an accident Bella….. They didn't make it."

That's all I remember as the world went black.


	4. CHAPTERTHREE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

"BELLA! BELLA ARE YOU OK? I'M GONNA CALL …."

I heard some one yelling in my ear but I was confused and groggy. Then it all came back to me…. Mom and Phil are dead.

"I'm fine.. Just…It's been a long week and I just can't…How did it happen?" I asked him through choking sobs.

"Like I said they were on their way to the airport and some kid ran a stop sign. They were killed instantly Bella they didn't suffer." the man on the other side of the phone replied.

"When did it happen?" I asked

"Three days ago Bella. We have been trying to reach you but your cell kept on going straight to voicemail. I decided at the last minute to try the home number Phil gave me a long time ago." Jack ( I think that is what he said his name was) said. " Phil's body was sent to his family in Houston. Your mom had a copy of her will in her stuff and it stated that she wanted to be cremated so that's what we did. Now that we know where you are we will send her and her belongings to you. I can have them to you by tomorrow."

"Mom was always paranoid she carried that will with her everywhere convinced something like this would happen. I guess she was right…" I trailed off lost in thought momentarily.

"Is there anything else I can do for you Bella? I was fairly close with both of them. Your mom was the best thing to happen to Phil…." Jack asked.

"No you have done enough. I… Thank you Jack." I stated

"Please don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

I thanked him again and hung up the phone. Dazed I wandered into my mom's room and sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do next. I should call someone and let them know what happened. But who? Mom didn't have any really close friends and Phil's family already knew. I was pretty sure he only had his mom left seeing as he was an only child and his dad died six years ago.

The only person I could call was my dad because he was all I had left now. I walked back to the kitchen and picked up the phone. Dialing the number to his cell I sat at the kitchen table and put my hand on my forehead waiting for him to answer.

He answered on the third ring "Bella what's wrong? Are you ok?" he asked without even saying hello.

"Dad….. I'm fine… It's mom and Phil. They are dead dad….car accident…gone…" I managed to get out in between sobs.

"Oh god Bella… I'll.. I'm going to come get you Bella and bring you home you shouldn't….." he stared but I interrupted him.

"I'm not coming home dad I just thought you would like to know and I didn't know who else to call… Mom had arrangements made for this….. They are sending me her ashes. I should get them tomorrow."

"Well if you won't come home, then I am coming to Phoenix for a couple days, I just need a couple hours to make arrangements here.."

"Dad there is nothing for you to do here. Everything has been taken care of. When she gets home I am going to take her to the desert…. She loved it there…. We used to drive out there all the time before she met Phil. We loved to take pictures and there is this place we would sit and talk… She loved the sun and I can't think of anywhere else she would like to be and no offense dad but I want to do it alone."

"Bella…" Dad started but I interrupted him.

"Seriously dad I am OK I'll call you in a couple days. I love you but I have to go." I couldn't talk about it anymore I didn't want him here hovering and questioning my every move. Plus if he showed up I knew he would want to know why I left Forks and that was NOT a discussion I wanted to have with him right now or EVER. I wanted to be alone with my grief, with my shitty life.

"OK Bells but if you need anything you call me. I love you too."

I hung up the phone and just sat there crying. Mom was my best friend and she was my only friend… especially now. I had no one else to turn to. I wanted to call Alice or even Esme but caught myself before I could dial the phone. They didn't want me anymore either.

Heartbroken and alone I got up from the kitchen table and walked back into my mom's room, crawled into her bed and cried myself to sleep.

I woke the next morning to the sound of the door bell ringing. I rolled over looking at the clock, it was 9 am. I had been in bed for almost fifteen hours only waking up three times from the nightmares.

I got up to answer the door. Looking through the peep hole there was a man with a package and a clip board.

I ran a hand through my hair only to find that it was hopeless and that I didn't really care anymore what it looked like. I shrugged my shoulders and opened to door to sign for what I knew was my mom.

The look of shock on his face when I opened the door told me all I needed to know of my appearance. I quickly signed the paperwork he had and took the box and shut the door in his face.

I carried her into the living room and set the box on the coffee table and sat on the couch. Slowly I opened the box and began taking out the contents.

The urn was simple, black with flecks of blue throughout. Her purse was in there and some papers. I set the urn on the table and took out the papers and her purse. I set the purse next to me and began looking at the papers. One was her will and that was pretty self explanatory, she left everything she had to me, which included the house, her car (which was still in the garage), her bank accounts. The next paper was a little of a shock. It was Phil's will. He left everything he had to me too. Everything accept how ever much money it took his mom to bury him. In his will he said that he never got the chance to have kids of his own but loved me like I was his and he wanted me to have everything.

There was an envelope that I opened next. Copies of insurance papers. Apparently Phil and mom had taken out some insurance a couple years ago. The house was paid for and they each had a large insurance policy that was to be paid to me. It stated that $50K was to go to Phil's mom for burial expenses the rest was to be deposited in the account that mom and Phil had opened for me.

The next was a bank statement. Well money wasn't an issue for me anymore. There was a bank card with my name on it in the envelope also which I assumed was attached to the account.

I picked up mom's purse and dumped the ten pound bags contents onto the table. All the normal things were there but one thing caught my eye. An envelope with my name on it written in mom's sloppy script. I opened it carefully knowing this was the last thing I would ever get from my mom. I pulled out the papers carefully and pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped one arm around them as I unfolded the papers carefully. The tears began to fall again as I started to read.

_To my dearest Bella,_

_If you are reading this it means I am no longer with you and there are a few things you need to know. First and foremost baby, I love you with all my heart and its ok, I am in a better place now. No more tears sweetheart, smile for me. I know this is hard for you but honey I lived my life and you still need to live yours. _

_I know I should have told you about the insurance money and Phil's wishes but I really didn't want you worrying about it. This is what we both wanted, no needed, to truly be at peace. We needed you to be taken care of. So please don't fight this. I know you. Use this money for whatever you want. School, travel, whatever. Try to be happy._

_I also needed to make sure you knew how much you mean to me baby. You were the BEST thing to happen in my life and although I had regrets about marrying your dad, I have NEVER regretted having you and because I got you out of our marriage I let go of those regrets LONG ago. I am eternally grateful to your father for giving me you._

_My hope for you is someday you will find a love like I found with Phil. You are caring, loving, beautiful, and ANY man should thank their lucky stars if you choose them and if they don't then they aren't worth your tears._

_Live your life baby with no regrets and know what ever you choose and who ever you choose I trust you to make the best decision for you. I love you my Bella ALWAYS ALWAYS remember that. _

_I am proud of you baby and I always will be. Try to take comfort in the fact that one day we will be together again and until then I will be with you in spirit and in your heart. _

_I will love you forever and always!_

_Mom_

"Oh mom…." I cried as I hugged myself tighter and cried. I stayed there on the couch for hours crying and rocking myself and reading the letter over and over.

When I felt like I couldn't cry anymore I got up and went to take a shower and get ready to take my mom to our special spot for the last time.

I stripped quickly and stepped into the warm shower. I held my breath and let the water hit my in the face. I put my hands on the shower wall to hold myself up and let the water run over me. After a few minutes of that I decided I wasn't getting anything done just standing there so I quickly washed my hair, washed up, rinsed off, and stepped out. I quickly dried off and wrapped a towel around me as I made my way back to my room.

I pulled on some panties and a bra then found my favorite jeans and pulled them on too. I quickly pulled my hair up into a messy bun and I grabbed a tank top and then slipped it on. Slipped my shoes on and I as ready to go.

Walking into the kitchen I made a sandwich and ate half before grabbing a couple bottles of water and put them in my purse and went back to the living room to get mom.

As my luck would have it my truck wouldn't start so I had to take mom's car, well I guess it was my car now. I walked to the garage and pushed the code in and the door slid up. I stood there as the door opened and suddenly I burst into tears again but was laughing at the same time. If anyone was to walk by and see me now they would have had me committed.

There in the garage was none other than a god damn Volvo. The very same car as HE had just in a darkish blue color instead of silver. I am pretty sure anyone who knew about cars would have said midnight blue but I am not sure.

Shaking my head I walked to the drivers side door unlocked it and got in. Thankfully even though it had been sitting for a couple months it started right up. I placed the urn in the passenger seat and pulled the seat belt around it just in case and pulled out of the driveway hitting the button to close the door back then I got onto the road.

The drive to our spot was about a thirty minute drive and I made it the whole way with out crying. I pulled onto the dirt path that lead down to our spot. I parked when the path came to an end and got out and walked around the car to the passenger side and opened the door. I unlatched the belt slung my purse over my neck and shoulder so I didn't have to worry about it falling down reached in and picked up the urn, I shut the door and turned to walk down the path.

I hadn't been here in years but the beauty of the spot still took my breath away.

At the end of the path was a cliff that was high enough to over look a few trees and all the cactus. The cliff sat about twenty feet up and unless you got lucky or knew where you were going it was completely secluded. This time of year we had had some rain so there was more green than the last time I was here. It looked lush and beautiful. I walked a little further up to our little cove. The little cove as we called it was completely hidden from the trail by a couple trees. The cove was cooler and I was glad for the few degrees difference in the Arizona heat. As I sat down and I sat mom next to me and we looked out over the valley. In the distance I could see Squaw Peak and to me it was beautiful.

I sat there for a while thinking to myself wondering what I was to do now. The tears came again as I started talking to mom.

"You said I deserved to find a love as strong as yours and Phil's mom….. But I think I had that already but he didn't feel the same way. The love I have for him isn't something that I can replace mom and I can't force myself on him or his family if they don't want me. So I guess all I can hope for now is to be with you soon so the heartache will stop. I miss you SO much…" The sobs made it hard to talk "But I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be ok, I want you to rest in peace now. Give Phil a hug and a kiss from me and tell him he was the just like a dad to me and I will never forget him either. Stay happy with him. I love you."

With that I stood and removed the lid of urn and walked to ledge. I closed my eyes and whispered as I slowly turned the urn and let her float into the sunset.

"May the winds guide you home and bring you peace at last. I love you mom, forever and always…."

With that I picked up the lid and tucked the urn into my purse and turned and walked back to the car.

When I got there I felt like I was being watched and I froze. Every hair on the back of my neck was standing up and my skin was tingling.

There off in the distance I saw a flash of red then it was gone. The red felt so familiar but I couldn't place it, my mind was mush. Shaking my head trying to think I climbed into my car and left.

About three miles down the road it hit me why the color looked familiar and the more I thought about it the more the feeling of dread came over me. "Victoria" was all I could say as I hit the accelerator trying to get further away faster.


	5. CHAPTERFOUR

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted Victoria to just find me and end it but I knew she wouldn't make it that easy. I wanted released from this torment, I didn't want to live anymore but I knew that with Victoria it wouldn't be and easy death. So what else could I do? I couldn't call Charlie, I mean what was I going to tell him? 'Hi dad I know you already think I am losing it but there is this homicidal VAMPIRE trying to kill me. Come help!' Yeah I think not. I could call the Cullen's but really they should already know if they cared. Alice would have seen it, right? Unless they were hoping Victoria found me. I just couldn't believe that, they might not want me anymore but I just couldn't believe they wanted me dead unless it was a way out for them….

I only had one option. Run. Stay in public places and only go out when there was sun. It was my only chance. Was it a great plan? Hell no but it was all I had. I couldn't call Charlie and even let him know where I was going, not that I knew where I was going yet but I was alone and I didn't want to drag Charlie into it.

I made it home in record time there was still a little light left in the sky. I had to hurry. Thankfully I hadn't unpacked my bags so I just had to grab them. I grabbed a photo of Mom and Phil, the paperwork, my laptop, and made sure I had my charger for my phone. I ran back out to the car and threw everything in the back seat and jumped back into the drivers seat and took off.

I made my way towards the interstate. Two blocks from my house I passed a black Mercedes that looked an awful lot like Carlisle's car but I didn't stop to find out. I am sure he wasn't the only one with a Black Mercedes in the continental US. I got on the interstate headed east. I drove like a bat out off hell which is what I felt like.

I was trapped in my own personal hell, with no end in site.

OK Bella its time we get it together for a while, we need to think and think fast. We needed a place that was sunny a lot and that was well populated. What better place to head than the good old sunshine state? Sounded like a start to me. I needed to calm down and breath, unless I wanted to save Victoria the trouble and just wrap this car around a light pole or something. It was an idea to ponder and if it wasn't for Charlie I probably would have.

Instead I drove as fast as I could. I would have made a Cullen proud if they cared. Of course if they cared I wouldn't be running in the first place….. _BELLA concentrate_. I only stopped to get gas and use the bathroom. When I stopped I would grab something to eat and drink and then I was back into the car driving. A drive that would normally take a couple days I made in under one.

It was just after 10:00 am when I crossed the state lines into Florida. Which gave me some time before I needed to either be in my car driving or indoors under lock and key. I headed toward Miami. I figured I would go downtown, that would be populated enough, she wouldn't try to grab me in the middle well populated area, and there would be enough sun.

I got into town about noon and by two I had a room on the top floor of some big fancy hotel. I had my own elevator which was key for me and it was the only way in or out of the room, so without the key to the room no one could even get into the elevator to get to my room. I left instructions that NO ONE was to know I was there and that if a woman by Victoria's description showed up I was to be called immediately.

I went up to the room and locked the elevator so it wouldn't go back down and I went and found the shower. The bathroom was about as big as my mom's whole house but the shower was the best I had ever taken. I stood in the center of the shower under a spray of hot water and lost it. I started shaking and crying.

This is was my life had become. I was on the run like some outlaw, a good damn fugitive, with no one to turn to but myself. I was wallowing in self pity when the phone rang. Turning off the shower I stepped out wrapping a towel around myself.

I walked into the bedroom and in the middle of the king sized bed right where I threw it was my cell. Looking at the phone number I was confused. It was Jacob.

"Jake?" I said answering the phone. "Is everything ok?"

"Hey Bells! I told your dad to try your cell but …. Hold on" In the background I could hear Jake tell someone that he had me on the phone, he came back on a minute later. "Bells your dad wants to talk to you for a minute but when he is done I need to talk to you. OK?" he said as he handed the phone to Charlie.

"Bella where the hell are you? I have been trying to call the house all day but didn't get an answer." Charlie ranted as he answered the phone.

"Dad I am fine. I left town for a while I just needed to get away. To many memories right now, to much to deal with." It was only a half lie but I didn't know what else to tell him. I was exhausted and really didn't feel like dealing with this shit right this minute.

"Bells were are you? Are you sure you are ok?" You could hear the worry in his voice but I couldn't tell him where I was, I couldn't tell anyone.

"Dad I am ok but I am really tired so if you don't mind I am going to go lay down."

"If your sure Bells. I love you. Here is Jake back….and you better call me tomorrow. OK?"

"Sure dad, I love you too."

I heard a noise like the phone was being passed to Jake then I heard a door open and close then I heard Jake.

"Bells there is a Vampire running around here looking for you and its not a Cullen. She was kind of hot, in a wild kind of way. I told her you had went home to Phoenix and she seemed kind of pissed….. I called the Cullen's and told them about her, they freaked out a little. The little one oh what's her name Alice, she hit me when I told her I gave the red head any information but wouldn't elaborate . That shit hurt. Are you sure you are ok?"

I had never heard Jake talk so much. Shaking my head I answer him " Breathe Jake, I am fine. As for the Alice freaking out on you I am sorry but I don't understand that one bit. They made their decision and if she or any of the others were worried they should have called me. Seeing as they didn't I don't see why they give a shit. Second if you see Victoria again be careful she isn't a good person Jake. She was James's mate."

"She seemed nice Bells but what ever. Where are you?"

"Its better I don't tell you Jake the less you know the better. I am safe for now though. I am getting rid of this phone though so after we hang up there is no point in calling it again. Tell my dad I will call him, and Jake…."

"Yeah Bells"

"Watch Charlie. Make sure he is ok, please he is all I have left…."

"I will Bells. You be careful and call me when you can."

"Sure, Sure Jake. Bye" I hung up the phone and turned it off. I pulled the battery off and threw the phone on the ground and stomped on it. I remembered that they could track you by your phone, GPS or some shit. I would go somewhere tomorrow and buy a prepaid phone.

I ran a brush through my hair, pulled it back into a braid, dug out my favorite yoga pants and a oversized tee shirt and a pair of panties. I quickly got dressed and climbed into bed. I believe I was asleep before my head hit the pillow and for the first time in well over a week I slept all night long. To exhausted to even dream.


	6. CHAPTERFIVE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

VPOV

"I grow tired of chasing her. We need an idea to bring her to us." I have been chasing Cullen's whore for almost three years, always one step behind her. "How can one human be so damn difficult to find! Having her mother killed wasn't enough. I need the little whore dead and I need a way to bring her to me…." I began pacing. We were always one step behind her. She stayed in no place for more than one week and only went out in the middle of a sunny day. I can't just walk up to her in the middle of a huge crowd in the sun and kill her without drawing attention to myself. I needed a plan.

"The only way she will come home to Forks is by hurting her dad. We hurt him, she will come." he stated.

"Yes…. Yes it could work. It is our only chance now."

* * *

APOV

I have been searching for Bella's future for three years. She kept changing her mind so there is never a clear picture where she is, where she is going, nothing, it was very frustrating. Every time I got a clear picture by the time we get where ever it is…. She is long gone.

At that moment I got a very clear picture, the first one in almost three years.

Picking up the phone I dialed Edward's cell.

"Alice what have you seen?"

"Edward, we need to get everyone back to Forks. She will be coming home and she will be a mess. I missed it, I was looking for her not her dad. Oh my god Edward we failed her in so many ways."

"Alice what are you talking about? What is going on?"

"It's Charlie, he is dead Edward. I just heard it over the police scanner. They just found him in his bed, his neck was broken, there was nothing they could do for him." There was silence on the other end of the phone but I knew he was still there so I continued. "It will take a couple weeks for her find out but when she does she will come running. It was Victoria Edward….. Charlie wouldn't tell her where Bella is, shit she couldn't… so she killed him. We will only have one chance to keep Bella safe Edward but she will not like it… she won't like it at all."

"I don't care if she won't like it as long as she is safe and I have her back. I was so stupid Alice, what was I thinking? I love her and all I have done is help destroy her. So now I have to help her… put her back together at all costs. You call everyone. I will call and take care of things for Charlie and I will be home by morning." He hung up the phone.

I stood there momentarily and said a prayer to whoever it is that might be listening.

"I know some believe that we are unholy, but please help us keep her safe and let her be ok. We all love her and need her in our lives. Please bring her back to us safe and help us protect her. Help Edward make her understand and bring her back to us to stay."

With that said I started calling the family and telling them to come back to Forks, we needed everyone here, ready to fight for our sister.


	7. CHAPTERSIX

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS I AM JUST HAVING FUN

* * *

I miss the night. It has been almost three years since I have been exposed to the night sky, the closest I have gotten was driving with the windows down. Really not even close.

I was currently locked away on the fifteenth floor of yet another hotel and still running but I was starting to question why. Yeah Victoria was trying to kill me but for the life of me I still didn't know why I was running anymore. I wasn't with the Cullen's and I was fairly sure that they had forgotten about me by now. Probably found another "distraction", HE may have even moved on to someone new by now. The thought of him with someone else felt like a slow death to me so I didn't allow myself to dwell on it often.

Could I really blame him though? I don't want to be with myself so why would he want to be with me? Shaking my head I stood up trying to rid myself of all the thoughts of HIM. It was hard to stop though and I knew if I kept thinking about it, it would make both the pain in my chest and the nightmares worse.

This was my life. I still woke up every night screaming. The giant hole in my chest never got better but I had come to embrace the pain. It reminded me I was alive, but I was tired, and I was just ready for it to just be over.

For the most part I felt like I was running for nothing. There were no signs of someone following me everywhere. Every now and then I would catch wind of someone in the area looking for me, but I had learned long ago that if you gave a little bit of money to the desk clerks and the security guards where ever I was staying, they would give me heads up at the first sign of trouble and I didn't wait around to see who was looking for me. I never unpacked and kept everything together, so at the first sign of trouble I could just grab and go.

IF IF IF…. This was all that went through my head anymore. IF I went home I would be breaking a promise to HIM. IF I stayed away I hurt Charlie more and more. IF I just tried to kill myself I would hurt Charlie and with my luck someone would find me before I was dead then I would be trapped in some hospital with no where to run. IF I just let Victoria find me it would end all my troubles but it would be painful and long… and I may be a little suicidal but I wanted it over quickly, NOT drawn out or hurting everyone around me.

I had a set of rules I made myself adhere to. First rule of running, stay in no one place for more than a week. It tended to draw attention and it gave who ever was looking for me a chance to catch up. Second rule ALWAYS get a room high up. Vamps could jump fairly high but if you stayed no lower than the fifth floor, I figured that it would be harder to get to. Third, only go out of the hotel when it was sunny. I would never leave my room before 11:00am and I would ALWAYS be back by 3:00. Fourth, stay in a well populated area. It would be harder for anyone to grab me at noon on a main street. Last and the most important, trust NO ONE. You always paid someone who could watch the entrances so they could warn you if someone came looking but other than that talk to no one unless you had to.

I watched TV a lot and I could stop in a book store and buy a couple books, read them then drop them in a deposit box of some library. I only kept things on me that would fit in my bag. When I got a few books accumulated it took up to much space so I would just donate them. Easy solution.

I kept my calls home to Charlie to a minimum. I was always afraid who was watching him or listening. I would pick a payphone once a month and check in with him. It had been almost a month and a half since my last call. I had a close call back in Houston. The desk clerk said that someone had just called the hotel and was inquiring about the guests in the hotel. The description the woman gave the clerk was matched mine so I took off. I never found time to call him last month and suddenly I had an urge to hear his voice.

I was currently staying in Redding, California. This was the closest I have been to home in three long years. At exactly 11:00am I left the hotel room in search of a pay phone. I took my bag with me because I never took the chance that I would have to take off if I was out. I didn't want to have to try to go back to the hotel if something happened.

By 11:30 I had my lunch and I pulled into a gas station to use the phone. I dialed Charlie's cell number and waited. No answer. This had never happened before. Charlie always answered his cell when I called. I tried one more time and when I didn't get an answer the second time I dialed the home number, but I wasn't prepared for who answered the phone. It wasn't Charlie it was none other than Dr. Carlisle Cullen himself. I would recognize the voice anywhere.

"Bella is that you? Please don't hang up!"

"Where is my father Carlisle and why are you answering his phone?"

"He is gone Bella."

"Where is he? I tried calling his cell but it just went to voicemail…."

"NO Bella… I mean he is dead honey. He was found dead in his bed two weeks ago. Alice said you would call the house today and we figured you would be least likely to hang up on me. Bella you have to come home. You aren't safe."

"Well no offense Carlisle, but seriously, NO SHIT. Do you think I have been moving so much for my health? OH OR maybe I think it is fun. OH or maybe I enjoyed my dad being upset or having no place to call home. I understand that I have to come home to….. Take care of things but I made a promise to your son that he wouldn't see me again. SOOOOOO this is how this is going to go down. Leave everything that needs my attention on the kitchen table then get the hell out. I will be there with in the next couple days, I am sure if you ask Alice she could pin point it, if she cared, but I am not giving more details than that over the phone. I will take care of what I have to then I will be gone. I will put everything that needs to be filed in your mailbox. How did he die Carlisle?" I knew I was being bitchy but I just couldn't cope right now. So many years of forcing myself to stay calm was helping and the animosity I felt towards all things Cullen helped too. I don't think what he said had sunk in until that moment.

"He was murdered sweetheart. Someone broke in while he was sleeping, someone strong, and they …." he paused almost like he didn't want to say what he was going to say " They broke his neck… He was killed instantly, there was no struggle and no evidence…. We think it was…"

"Victoria…" I whispered knowing he could hear. All the running I did, all the moving, being so damn careful trying to keep him safe and the bitch killed him anyway. It just wasn't fair. I started to cry.

"Yes sweetheart we think it was Victoria but we don't think she acted alone. He was killed but all his blood was accounted for. If it was Victoria alone we believe she would have drained him, unless she was trying to send a message. But we smelled something…"

"Honestly Carlisle I will take care of it after I leave Forks again. She won't be able to hurt anyone else just to get to me…. There is no one else left that cares… Just do what I asked leave the stuff on the table and go…" I hung up the phone and started driving. I couldn't talk to Carlisle anymore at that moment.

I got on the interstate heading north. I could make it back to Forks from where I was at in less than twelve hours. I would have to break a couple of my own rules but for my dad I would. Even if it was the last thing I did. It would be dark when I arrived but I had to say my goodbyes to him. Shit at this moment I didn't care if Victoria got a hold of me.

I was done… and it was decided. I would say my goodbyes to my father and this shit life and then go be with my parents.

The drive back to Forks felt like it was the longest drive ever. It felt like some cruel joke. I had never in my life hurt anything or anybody, but every single fucking dream I had was ripped from my hands. I had nothing to live for anymore. The only thing I wanted to do was drive up to the house and find my dad sitting in his chair watching some ball game on the flat screen but I knew that wouldn't happen. Never again….

Sometime after nine I pulled into town. The hole in my chest was throbbing painfully making it hard to breath. Nothing had changed. I drove around for a minute avoiding the house. I felt like I was doing something criminal, like any minute the Forks PD would pull me over and lock me up.

I drove past the school and let myself think back to the carefree days spent here. God how I wished I could go back to those days. The pain got a little worse. Taking a deep calming breath I continued to drive.

Moments later I pulled up in front of the house… the house that I had grown to love and that had held the life I had left behind. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer that I had been holding since I talked to Carlisle, they started to flow freely.

I dug out the house key, knowing that I couldn't linger outside. I had to go fast, do what I had to do, and then get the hell out of dodge before I could run into anyone I didn't want to.

There were a few lights on and it took me a moment to assure myself that Carlisle had probably left a light on for me. I mean I knew a Vamp didn't need the lights to see in the dark and if one was going to try to kill me they would probably prefer to use the darkness and shadows to catch me off guard. So lights on was a good thing… I hoped. That helped with the thought of going into the house but the walk from the car to the house is what was scaring the hell out of me.

_SUCK IT UP BELLA AND GET IT OVER WITH! _I screamed to myself.

I turned off the car, took a deep breath, and was out of the car running towards the door in a matter of seconds. Thankfully I didn't fall and I made it to the door. My hands were shaking so bad it took me a second to get the door unlocked. I flung the door open, stepped inside, slammed the door, and locked it behind me. I was breathing heavily with my forehead pressed to the wooden door.

In hind sight I probably should have looked around as soon as I opened the door. But the fear of being outside in the dark was overwhelming. I stood there for a second with my head on the door, crying to myself when I suddenly just knew I wasn't alone.

I started to scream when I felt someone's cold hand go over my mouth and around my waist.

I freaked out. I couldn't think straight. Panic overtook every fiber of my being. I knew it was a vampire that had me and I knew there was at least one more behind the one that had me, possibly more. I also knew I couldn't hurt whoever had me, but that didn't stop me from trying.

I started swinging my hands and kicking my feet. I don't think they were expecting that because their grip loosened enough for me to spin around and swing with everything I had. Stupid I know.. But _you_ think straight when you think you are about to die.

My hand connected with my attacker and I felt my wrist snap. I knew it was broke and I was pretty sure a few knuckles were broke too, but I went to swing with the other hand when my hand was caught mid swing. So I took a step forward so I didn't have my back against the door and pulled my foot back ready to kick.

Suddenly someone else had my arms pinned to my side and a set of cold arms were wrapped around me as I was lifted off the ground. I closed my eyes and started to scream when I felt a hand go over my mouth. I started to cry. I was trapped. After all this time…. I couldn't catch my breath and my whole arm was numb by now.

"BELLA OPEN YOUR EYES AND BREATH! You are ok. We won't hurt you I promise." he started laughing.

The voice surprised me and my eyes snapped open. There standing not two feet from me was none other than Emmet Cullen. The fear I felt was replaced with rage.

"I will let you go if you don't attack him again." This voice was one of them I hoped I wouldn't hear while I was home. It was HIS voice and that meant they were his arms wrapped around me holding me to him.

I am not sure what pissed me off more, the fact that I had told the Cullen's to leave the shit I needed and get the hell out or if it was the fact that there in my house all four Cullen men were standing in my doorway laughing at me.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" I screamed at them "AND LET ME THE FUCK GO CULLEN!"

"Not until you calm down." he stated calmly.

"Well then you better be glad your arms won't get tired because I have no plans on calming down any time soon! Now let me go and get out."

"Yeah… uh… I am sorry but that's not going to happen love. You have to come with us it's the only way you will be safe." Edward replied calmly and it pissed me off to no end that he was so calm.

"Bells you have one hell of a right hook and you are so funny when your pissed!" I swear if I could have done anything to move at that moment I would have attempted to strangle Emmet. It was about that moment that I knew that Jasper was closer. I felt the calming waves starting to calm me down and that pissed me off too.

"JASPER HALE! SO HELP ME GOD YOU BETTER STOP!" I ranted but the feeling of peace increased and Emmet doubled over laughing at me. I slumped back against Edward helplessly. I blinked once and Carlisle was in front of me taking my hand to look at it.

"Its broke sweetheart you will need a cast. Let's take her to the house. I have the stuff there to take care of it." Carlisle said.

"I won't go anywhere with you guys. You will let me go and then you will probably have to take my foot out of Emmet's ass if he doesn't stop laughing at me" I replied. Of course this only made Emmet laugh harder and I distinctly heard Jasper and Edward chuckle.

"Bella I know you don't understand what is going on right now and you have a lot to process… and I hate to do this to you… but honey we all love you and we won't just stand by and let you get hurt, by yourself or anyone else. You are going to come with us. This isn't up for discussion. You can choose, however, whether you walk out on your own or if Edward carries you." Carlisle replied. "And if you want to attack Emmet I wouldn't use your foot… you already broke an wrist and it looks like three knuckles, lets not try for an ankle too."

I clenched my jaw and tried in vain to resist Jasper. I started struggling again and I felt Jasper's lay his hand gently on my shoulder. The calming waves intensified and pulsed out of him and into my body removing all resistance. At that moment I felt the world slip away as I felt the tears start falling from my eyes yet again.

* * *

A/N Bella is not going to make this easy on the Cullen's. She will explain her reasoning but all Cullen's will be doing some groveling very soon. But they are back and she is in Edward's arms and from what Edward has told me…. He isn't letting go anytime soon!


	8. CHAPTERSEVEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I was extremely frustrated, irritated, and most of all confused. It felt like I was floating, I could hear everything that was going on around me but I couldn't move. My body was so completely relaxed it felt numb and it felt so incredible for a minute, almost like getting a huge dose of a pain killer after being in pain for so long, relief.

I was being carried out the front door. I could hear the crunching of the gravel and I could feel Edward's the rise and fall of Edward's chest as he cradled me to him as he walked. I couldn't open my eyes though so I couldn't confirm that it was actually Edward but I KNEW it was. His smell was still was so unbelievably intoxicating to me, it was the smell of a summer night, it was HOME, and it was heaven. It was a heaven that I couldn't just let myself fall into again. I tried in vain to get away from him because I knew this smell and this false feeling of peace would soon be ripped away again and the pain and sadness would return. I tried to concentrate on something else.

I heard a car door open and I was barely jostled as Edward climbed into the back seat and held me in his lap. For a split second the feeling of numbness was gone and I whimpered as the pain from my wrist and my chest crashed into me. I heard another car door open and then I felt another hand touch me as it gently pushed the leg of my jeans up just a little then wrapped around my bare ankle. The numbness returned and for just a split second I was thankful for Jasper.

I was struggling to remain conscious and I could feel Jasper trying harder to make me just give up and go to sleep. I was stronger than that mentally though. I may not be able to stop any of the Cullen's physically but I'll be damned if I was going to let them push me around mentally too. I would fight it with all I had. I couldn't just let go and trust them, for to many years I had been living with the knowledge that they didn't want me. Now for whatever reason they were here and forcing themselves into my life. A small part of me was just ecstatic and screaming for joy that they were here and that I should be thankful for it. The other more dominant part refused to be happy because I knew that whenever they got what they wanted from me they would just try and leave me again. I wasn't going to fall for their shit again, I was an older, wiser, and far more jaded Bella.

I had been trying for so long to stay away…. I had spent almost three years with no contact with anyone or anything. The most I talked with anyone, human or other, was the desk clerks at the hotels, once or twice Jacob (he was with my dad a couple times when I called and he asked to talk to me) and my dad… who was now gone forever.

"She won't give up and go to sleep. I am struggling to keep her relaxed, she is fighting it tooth and nail and I can only force so much into her… it's…. she is almost reflecting some of waves back and only some seem to trickle their way through her defenses. I have never felt anything like it. She feels…" Jasper paused , thinking, concentrating, trying harder "She is so…. Broken is the closest thing I can think of, shattered like glass, I don't really know where to send all the calming and peaceful feelings… she needs them in so many places…" he sounded both sad and frustrated. But I could feel him trying to force the feelings in. It kinda felt like what I would think it felt like to be a radio. He was tuned into my frequency but he couldn't find the perfect volume, so he kept turning it up and down. "I don't think she is in any pain right now though." He finished and then was quietly sitting next to us with his hand wrapped around my ankle concentrating.

"It's ok Jasper, just do your best. As long as she isn't hurting to bad right now and she isn't fighting us, we will be to the house in a few minutes and I can give her something to take her pain away and let her rest. She doesn't look like she has slept well in a long time." Carlisle stated. This didn't help my confusion though.

They didn't want me, they were going to leave me, shit they DID leave without saying goodbye, yet I could almost feel the feelings of regret and sadness poring into my body from all four people in the car. I am sure Jasper was helping me feel these feelings but I absolutely refused to believe them even for a moment.

"There is so much sadness and pain in her that it spills out of every pore of her body." Jasper stated

It was that moment that I really heard Edward's voice for the first time in so long. "What have I done?" I felt his arms tighten around me and I heard the sadness and regret in his voice and for a split second that is all I heard. His voice and his smell made me feel safe for split second and I felt my concentration shift. But before I could force myself to clear my head I felt Jasper push with his powers once again and I couldn't fight it back any longer. I heard all four car doors shut and the engine start, and then I drifted away, almost blissful.

I don't know how long I was asleep but the next thing I remember was hearing the car door shutting. I couldn't feel Jasper's influence but I felt so groggy it was hard to concentrate.

"Let's get her inside and look at her hand." I heard Carlisle say but to who I couldn't really be sure.

I knew we were moving but every time I tried to open my eyes I felt like I was going to throw up so I kept my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on breathing.

"Set her on the bed Edward and go get some ice while I get her some pain medicine."

"Carlisle is she ok? What happened?" I was fairly sure it was Esme but my head was still swimming, and I started to feel irritated again. At the same moment I felt the calm starting to creep back over me.

"Jasper you are going to make me sick if you don't stop and get the hell away from me. I need to be able to think." I was barely able to get it all out without throwing up. It came out I am sure as a whisper but I was just as sure that everyone in the room heard exactly what I said. I took a chance and peeked around the room.

They were all there. Jasper and Emmet were standing in front of the door. Rose and Esme were a few feet in front of them and Alice was about two feet from the bed where I lay. Everyone of them looked concerned and nervous. At that moment Edward walked back into the room with an ice pack and Carlisle's bag.

My heart skipped a beat and my breath got stuck in my throat when we briefly made eye contact. I shut my eyes and turned my head. I felt the tears spring into my eyes and I began to feel very overwhelmed.

Jasper must have felt my anxiety and he began to help me calm down.

"Jasper damn it get away from me and stop!" I said with as much force as I could muster.

"If I stop will you promise to behave and not attack Emmet again?" he stated with a chuckle.

"Oh I promise for now, but only because if I can somehow make it out of this bed and all the way across this room, I will break my other hand on you if I have to. Now stop." I stated.

The room was suddenly filled with laughter, I didn't find it funny, I meant it, but I felt Jasper back off.

"Well as long as you promise." He said with a chuckle. I lifted my hand and gave him the one finger salute.

I felt someone getting in the bed on my left hand side and when I felt the cold pack being laid on my right wrist I knew it was Edward. Why he was there was still a mystery to me but my head just wasn't clear enough to ask any major questions.

I felt him brush my hair out of my face and kiss my forehead briefly. Before I could protest to his proximity Carlisle started to speak.

"Bella honey I know you are confused and scared but right now we need to get your hand taken care of. I am going to give you some medicine to help with the pain and then we are going to set your wrist. It feels like a fairly clean break but when we are moving it around it's going to hurt if you don't have something for the pain. Please don't fight me on this. I don't want to force you but we will if we have to at this point."

"What…Why…. How.." I stuttered, shocked. Why do these crazy vampires insist on irritating me and telling me what to do.

"Just do it now Carlisle. If you wait any longer it will take two of us to hold her still while you give it to her." I didn't open my eyes to confirm but I knew it was Alice.

I felt the stick in my arm and then a burning sensation, as the medicine entered my system. I opened my eyes and right there, not two inches from my face was none other than Alice.

"We missed you Bella. I know you don't believe that right now but it's the truth. We ALL missed you and love you. Please know and believe that we mean you no harm, we just want to help."

"Just…Leave…Me…..Alone." It was getting harder and harder to stay conscience. I could still feel the burn from the medicine in my arm.

"That's NEVER going to happen again, love. You can try to order me away, you can try to order all of us away, but it's not going to happen. If it takes an eternity of groveling I will make you see what you mean to me and all of us. For now just rest we will discuss everything when you wake up." I turned my head to the left before I could think and I was suddenly dazzled by a pair of ocher colored eyes. After all this time my body reacted to him almost on instinct. I closed my eyes and shook my head willing my body to stop and my mind to clear. I took a deep breath and turned my head from him. I just couldn't go there right now.

"Bella honey I am going to give you a dose of a nerve agent to help you relax too. You don't look like you have slept very well in a long time and I think some sleep would help you." Before I could protest I felt the poke in my arm and Carlisle continued. "Just rest now. We will discuss everything when you wake up. Jasper will tell us if you start to feel any pain."

I could feel my muscles slowly start relaxing again as I started to lose consciousness. I tried to fight it but this wasn't Jasper anymore. This medicine was to strong and frankly I was sick of fighting it. I was tired of feeling and fighting, maybe they would just disappear after they were done with me. Maybe I just wouldn't wake back up. One could hope.

With the last ounce of strength I had left I forced my eyes open and looked directly at Jasper and Emmet, then back to Carlisle.

"Keep those two idiots the hell away from me." I said with a nod in the direction of said idiots.

I felt my eyes close and I felt two cold arms wrap around my waist and pull me close. The last thing I remember is seven vampires laughing at me as I drifted off, into the most restful sleep I have had since I left Forks.

* * *

A/N: So the next chapter the Cullens will have a VERY conscious and VERY upset Bella. I can't wait! LOL.

I would also like to take a minute to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed or added me to alert. You guys have no idea how much it brightens my day to have messages from you in my email! Thank you so much.


	9. CHAPTEREIGHT

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I don't know how long I had slept but I woke with no pain in my chest and only a very dull throbbing in my wrist. I kept my eyes shut, unwilling just yet to rejoin the hell that had become my reality. I felt the bed shift ever so slightly but without opening my eyes I couldn't tell if the person was getting in or out of the bed.

"I think she is starting to come around." I was fairly sure it was Carlisle that spoke.

I refused to open my eyes. I squeezed them closed and wished and prayed that sleep take me again.

"Open your eyes Bella. I know you are awake. Alice said you woke up a couple minutes ago." Edward, ugh, really I didn't get it. He was the one that outright said that he didn't want me anymore, that him and his family didn't care about me and they were going to leave.

I had left instead but they had left first, they NEVER tried to call me, and they never showed any signs that they gave a flying shit what happened to me after that fateful afternoon in the woods behind Charlie's house. But yet here he was touching, talking, and acting like nothing happened. They all were. What did Edward expect me to just fall to his feet and beg him to take me back? Beg them all to forgive ME and let me be a part of their lives? I think NOT! They could kiss my pale ass.

"Go away." I said quietly and still refused to open my eyes.

"Never again. I told you…" Edward started but I didn't let him finish.

"I honestly don't give two shits what you told me. You have told me a lot of things in the past, and most of them were nothing but lies and bullshit. You and your family may have fooled me once into believing that you cared but I will be damned if I let myself fall for it again."

"Bella, I…"

"I don't want to hear excuses. Get. Out!" I then opened my eyes and was met with Edward's face inches from mine. I quickly looked around the room and found Carlisle a couple feet from the bed and Alice next to him. The other four were in front of the door.

"Take them with you when you go." I said as I sat up and flipped the blankets off me and swung my legs off the edge of the bed sitting up. My head spun for a minute, after affects of the drugs I was injected with, but it stopped when I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath.

I opened my eyes and looked down at myself. I was getting more and more pissed by the moment. Someone had apparently stripped me and put on some flimsy silk night gown.

"Where are my freaking clothes? This shit is crazy. You people are crazy! Every last one of you! Give me my clothes and get the hell out!" I know it was their house but I just didn't care at that moment. I just wanted my clothes and my stuff and I wanted to get the hell out.

"Bella sweetie its ok calm down. Your clothes had blood on them from your knuckles. Me, Alice, and Rose washed you up and changed you. There are some clothes on the table over there you can change into." For a split second all I wanted was Esme to come over and put her arms around me like my mom used to and make the madness just go away. But then I remembered that she was also a part of the whole 'We don't want you anymore Bella' crap. That changed my mind real quick.

I nodded my head and slowly stood up. I must have wavered just a little because I suddenly felt hands touching me from all directions trying to steady me.

"Don't touch me! I am fine. Now leave!" I said shrugging them all off and walking toward the table. I didn't hear anyone make a move. I grabbed the clothes from the table and clutched them to me and turned around to face all seven of the Cullens.

"Can I get some privacy to change?" No one moved. I shook my head exasperated I marched toward the door. I was fairly sure I remembered where the bathroom was. I was sure when I at least got into the hall I would remember.

It was Emmet that stopped me at the door. "Where do you think you are going?" He asked.

"Um I don't think that's ANY of your freaking business, but I was going to go to the bathroom to change, seeing that none of you are making any attempt to get the hell out of here."

He smirked at me, shook his head, and stepped aside. "I missed you Bells." He said. I have never been a violent person but so help me god I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

"It will just end up hurting you more and doing absolutely nothing to him. Come on me and Alice will help you get changed…" I never expected Rose to offer to help me and for a second I was taken back. It was no secret that me and Rose never saw eye to eye, so her being nice was a bit of a shock.

"Find me a baseball bat and I can try to do a little damage. Besides I can dress myself. I am not a child." I stated and tried once again to get out the door.

"I am sorry Bella but I have seen what you have planned, and we won't let you be alone right now." Alice said from some where behind me. I felt like I was about to explode, I was so irritated.

"What the HELL are you talking about Alice?" I said between clenched teeth.

"There are two things I see you trying if we leave you alone and I won't let them happen. EITHER ONE. So come on let's get you dressed." She stated and I felt her hand on my shoulder. Rose smiled at me and it distracted me for a second. I gave her a confused look and shook my head.

Pulling my shoulder away from Alice I asked again, "Again Alice, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Bella.. UGH! Fine… I have seen that if we leave you alone and just go away you will try to take your own life OR if we let you go to the bathroom by yourself you try to run away again. I don't care how much you bitch Bella, we are going with you. Now come on."

Before I could protest or say anymore Alice had picked me up and walked out the door, grabbing Rose's hand as she passed pulling her with us.

We were in the bathroom before I could blink. I was set down in the middle of the room, seething mad. I crossed my arms over my chest, clutching the clothes tighter and took a step back from the two vampires.

"Bella I won't let her touch you if you want to change on your own, but you better get to it because she won't listen for long." Rose said to me.

I frowned, opened my mouth to say something, but something in Rose's eyes told me she wasn't lying to me. She was the only one I thought I knew where I stood with. She didn't like me, I knew that, I have always known that. I nodded my head and started to change.

I turned my back to them (I know they have seen me naked before but I was conscious now and I was still shy) and pulled the nightgown off over my head with one hand. I finally noticed the white cast on my wrist when the nightgown caught on it briefly. I managed to pull the pair of silky blue panties on but when it came to the matching bra, I had problems. Every time I tried to use the hand that was in the cast it sent waves off pain up my arm and tears to my eyes. I was almost thankful when I heard Rose ask me if she could help.

I nodded once as the tears spilled over and down my cheeks.

"I am going to get something for pain for you from Carlisle I will be right back." Alice said softly and then she disappeared out the door.

With my back still to her I felt Rose's cold hands help me pull the bra on and fasten it. I pulled the blue tee over my head and Rose turned me around and helped me pull up the grey yoga pants. She picked me up and set me on the counter and helped me with my socks. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't get the tears to stop.

When Rose finished getting my socks on she placed some slippers on my feet then looked up at me. I saw such sadness in her eyes as she looked at me. Before I could say anything she stood and pulled me into a hug. I couldn't fight her. I just sat there with my arms at my sides and my head on her shoulder crying. She just stood there holding me while I sobbed.

After a few minutes I tried to pull myself together. "I am sorry Rose, I didn't mean to do that. Its just…. You are the only one out of all of them that I don't feel totally betrayed by. There has never been a love loss between us. I knew how you felt, so I didn't expect anything from you, and it took me by surprise when you hugged me." I wrapped my arms around my chest and looked down at the floor.

I felt Rose's fingers gently lift my chin, "Bella, look at me. I have NEVER hated you. I felt a lot of different things for you but I have never hated you. I was jealous and to proud for my own good. I never really realized how much you meant to me or all of them until you had left. I just really want you to know Bella with no bullshit and no lies…. I really do love you and I missed you and I am SO sorry for how I treated you before…. When you and Edward were together… I was a real bitch."

"Rose please don't apologize. You were… you are the only one that I wasn't confused and hurt by. I knew where I stood with you and I was ok with that."

"But if I had been…" She started but I interrupted.

"No seriously Rose, nothing you have ever done or said to me would have changed the outcome. They didn't want me anymore and they got rid of me. End of story. I just want to leave so I don't cause anymore problems for you guys. I don't want them to feel responsible or sorry for me. I learned a while ago that all good things come to an end and dreams are only made to be broken," I paused and tried to steady myself "I stopped having hopes and dreams a while ago…"

I heard a knock on the door just as Rose was getting ready to talk again. Alice entered before we could protest or say anything. She walked over to me took my good hand and placed two pills in my hand and opened a bottle of water.

"Please just take them, your arm will start hurting worse soon if you don't." I just looked at the pills then looked back to Alice then back to Rose. "Carlisle said that even if you thought you were going to leave you can't drive with that hand, so just take the pills Bella.

"Bella honey look at me," Rose said and when I didn't look up she lifted my chin again to meet her eyes, "I know you are confused but if I understand what you said to me a little bit ago… you trust me right?"

I felt the tears spring back to my eyes but I nodded my head a little. She smiled a little smile then continued.

"Take the pills. I won't leave your side I PROMISE. If you tell me you want them to leave you alone I will make them leave. I will stay, not that I don't trust you, but I am not going to listen to all of them bitch if I do leave you in a room alone. Take the pills and lets get you back into bed. You look so tired."

I didn't know what to say or do. I wanted out of this mad house and away from the Cullen's. I felt bad that I was breaking the one promise I had made to Edward, but I didn't seek him out, and he didn't seem to mad that I was there. I was confused and I started to protest but Rose stopped me and looked into my eyes.

"Bella it will all be ok. You need to talk to Carlisle and Edward about your dad and you are in no condition to drive right now anyway. Plus I don't doubt Alice's visions and I couldn't live with myself if I let you leave and you did something to yourself just because you were upset and felt like you were alone. Please just take the medicine and stay, even if its just for a few days. Let us help you, wait I see that look, let me rephrase, Let ME help you."

From the look in Rose's eyes I knew there was no point in protesting with her any further. She wasn't going to just let me leave either. If I tried to just walk out I wouldn't make it far and I couldn't make it through seven vampires, I had a broken wrist and three cracked knuckles to prove I couldn't make it through one.

I sighed in defeat and put the pills in my mouth, took the bottle of water from Alice and swallowed the pills. Alice gave me a tentative smile and I ignored her as I looked around the huge bathroom. My eyes landed on the huge tub in the corner. It looked so inviting. Alice must have followed my gaze because she spoke again.

"It has jets and everything just like a hot tub. I think they call it a Jacuzzi but I am not sure. It's wonderfully warm and relaxing. We can help you later if you want to take a bath in it."

I didn't say anything, I just started to slide off the counter. I would have been alright getting down myself but when Alice reached for me I jumped away from her and fell off the counter onto the floor, twisting my ankle and banging my knee in the process.

My life just kept getting more and more complicated. It just wasn't fair, I couldn't catch a break. Both of my parents were dead, I had some psycho vampire hell bent on killing me, I had a broken wrist, three broken knuckles, now an ankle and a knee that hurt, then to top it all off I was now stuck in the house with at least six people that had made it perfectly clear that they didn't want me in their lives. Oh could life get any better? Nope I am quite sure this is as good as it gets.

I felt someone lay a hand on my shoulder as I started to cry again. When I looked up I saw Rose squatting next to me on the floor. I have wished for the earth to open and swallow me before but I had never wished so hard as I did as Rose picked me up and said, "We better get you back to the room and let Carlisle look at your leg." She looked at Alice who had frozen with her hand reaching for me. "Alice, I know you are trying to help her, but you and everyone else will have to understand that she is confused and hurting physically and mentally. Give it time and back the fuck off a little."

With that Rose cradled me in her arms and walked out of the room leaving Alice to follow behind.

Much to my dismay, all the rest of the Cullen's were still in the room that they were all calling mine. Rose walked past all of them and carried me to the bed and laid me down, then turned to Carlisle. "She slipped when she was trying to get off the bathroom counter, she twisted her ankle and banged her knee. I don't think its broke but you should look at it."

"Of course." Was all he said as he stepped toward me. He slid my pants leg up gently and ran his hands over my ankle, then over my knee. "I think the ankle is sprained pretty good, its starting to swell and so is the knee. But I agree I don't think anything is broke. The pain medicine should help with the pain, I will go get a couple more ice packs to help with the swelling." With that he turned and walked from the room.

No one said a word, as I rolled to my side away from them all and pulled my good knee up into the fetal position, willing the pain and the Cullens away.

I just lay there hoping the pain meds would kick in soon. I felt someone place the ice on my knee and my ankle and I closed my eyes and started to cry. I felt hand on my shoulder and I jerked away almost on instinct. "It's just me Bella, it's ok." I heard Rose whisper as she sat next to me on the bed and rubbed my back.

"She hates us now Edward. This is all your fault." I heard the words come from Alice's mouth and before I could think I turned and sat up in bed. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster, but the words Alice spoke made me see red. I was seething mad.

"You have got to be kidding me right? I know you didn't just blame EVERYTHING on Edward? Are you serious Alice? OH MY GOD!"

"Bella, I…"

"NO Alice I don't want to hear it. I may not be a huge Edward fan right this minute, but he made his decision. He didn't want me. I can't and you can't force him to want to be with me. He has the right not to want someone like me, human and boring. But no matter what, that was his choice. Each and everyone of you made your own choices. You were all going to just leave me, in fact you DID leave, without even fucking saying good bye. NONE of you tried to contact me. I had my same cell phone number for over a week after I left. If you were so fucking worried about me you would have tried to call. If you loved me like you said you did…" my voice broke but I kept going, I had to get it all out while I could. " You would have tried to call, text, shit if it was that deep… I still check my email daily. The same email YOU helped me set up Alice. Each and every one of you made your OWN choice to not do anything. Don't place all the blame on Edward."

"He said we should just give you time." She said with a look of shock on her face. The look was mirrored by every vampire in the room except Rose, who just sat next to me looking at her finger nails with a smug look on her face.

"HE SAID! How old are you people? Two? Seriously? What.. did he spank you? Threaten to put you in time out if you tried to contact me? Wait I know he grounded you right? He took away your phone, computer, cell, and T.V. privileges. I mean COME THE FUCK ON! You guys are all at least a hundred years old and all perfectly capable of making your own rational decisions. If ANY of you cared ONE FUCKING BIT, you would have at least called to say goodbye. I have to give it to Edward. At least he had the FUCKING BALLS to tell me outright that he didn't want me anymore and he said goodbye. NO ONE ELSE DID. SO forgive me if I don't just run to all of you with open arms." I was so pissed I started shaking and the tears were falling so fast and hard I couldn't see clearly anymore.

"Especially you Alice. You were my best friend and next to Edward… you not calling and just letting me just disappear hurt the most. When my mom died….. I kept hoping you would just call to see how I was doing, but you never did."

Rose placed a hand on my shoulder and said "Bella sweetie breath you need to calm down a little."

I shook my head and continued, "Now three years later… my father is murdered and I have to come home. Which I would like to say that I was trying to keep my promise Edward. I wasn't going to search for you Edward… I wasn't going to look for ANY of you. I was going to take care of what I had to and leave. I don't know why I am being forced to stay here but I am sorry…. I am sorry." I felt my chest tighten up and it got harder to breath. I panicked, the whole situation was just to much for me to process.

"Bella, love, breath. It's ok…. I.." Edward started toward me but I held my hand up to him. I couldn't breath. I was gasping for but my chest was constricted, tightened painfully and making it damn near impossible to breath.

"Carlisle…do something!" I heard Edward say to Carlisle but I just wanted out, away from all this shit. I couldn't cope with it any more. I tried to move to get off the bed. A bum knee and a house full of vampires wasn't going to just keep me from trying to get the hell out. I knew it was futile but I had this overwhelming feeling to run.

I felt Rose grab my left hand and pull me back onto the bed and I screamed and thrashed and kicked and tried to get the hell out of there. She wrapped her arms around my torso. I felt someone grab my legs and when I looked down I saw that it was Edward. He had a pained expression on his face but I didn't care. I screamed again and tried in vain to pull away from him. I looked around wildly both screaming and trying to catch my breath, still searching wildly for a way out. I felt another hand wrap around my forearm and I felt Jasper trying to help me calm down but I was beyond that now. Every pulse I felt him trying to push into me I pushed right back at his ass and kept fighting.

I screamed again as I felt the prick in my right bicep area and I turned my head just in time to see Carlisle pull the needle from my arm. I felt the burn of the medicine, and almost instantly I felt the effects from the syringe. The more I tried to fight it the faster I felt my body going limp. I was terrified.

"Bella honey you are having a panic attack. Just let the medicine help you calm down and relax, try to breath deeply sweetheart." I heard Carlisle say then I felt his hand on my cheek.

With every once of strength I had left I looked up at Rose and said, "You promised, get them the fucking hell away from me." I saw her nod and then I saw no more. I gave up finally and drifted.


	10. CHAPTERNINE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

It felt like I was sitting on the edge of oblivion. I felt like if I moved even an inch I would fall over the edge and never be found again. I wanted nothing more than that, but for whatever reason I clung to the edge. I clung to it so hard I hurt everywhere. I realized I had been screaming for help and no one came, no one cared. They were all gone. Everyone I had ever cared for was gone. Mom, Dad, Gran, Alice, Edward…..

I was screaming begging someone to help me, when I heard his voice "Bella, love, I have not left you and I won't let you fall. Take my hand."

I heard the voice but I was confused because I didn't see anyone. He spoke again, "Bella I have made so many mistakes in my life but letting you walk away from me was by far the biggest mistake. Please wake up and come back to me."

I couldn't find him, no matter where I looked, I couldn't find him. I just clung to the cliff. But eventually it felt like my muscles were giving up one by one. I just couldn't hold on anymore. I welcomed the darkness. I felt my grip start to slip and I tried to dig my feet in, but it didn't help, I was falling and I didn't care. I wanted to fall into the hole, never have to deal with anything again. I let go.

Suddenly there were hands everywhere. Every direction I looked they were there, reaching for me. I slid down a fraction of an inch and suddenly I felt one of the hands grab my hand. Then another grab the other hand, then I felt someone grip my arms, and I was being drug out of the hole. The rest of the hands grabbed me and held me and helped lift me out.

I fought against the hands, trying with everything I had to get out of their reach, longing to be sucked into the black hole. The more I struggled the tighter the hands held me. I looked back down and I was no longer clinging to the ledge, but now I was racing away from the hole, I was being pulled away, it felt like I was flying.

I screamed and reached for the hole trying to claw my way back to it but the more I struggled, the faster and further away from it I became. I began crying knowing I would never find the hole again. I would never know if I could find peace in the darkness.

I could hear more voices now. They were all talking at the same time and I couldn't tell who they were or where they were coming from. "What is wrong with her?" "Is she ok?" "What's going on with her?" "Wake her up!" "Why is she screaming?" "Bella!"

I tried to ignore the voices but I couldn't. They were coming from every direction and faster than I could keep up with. I didn't know what direction to go or look.

Then I heard it. I felt it, the voice I couldn't ignore this time. "Bella! Open your eyes and come back to us. Your dreaming love." The voice was right in front of me and I reached in the direction it came from. I felt myself being lifted further, then the movements stopped and I felt safe. I stopped struggling and relaxed, knowing that he had me and it was going to be ok.

I couldn't open my eyes and as much as I tried they felt glued shut. I was dreaming, possibly hallucinating. I was sure of it because he didn't want me like that anymore and I just wanted to feel safe in his arms for just a little longer.

"I am sorry Edward, I tried to stay away. I am sorry…..so sorry." I heard myself say but I still couldn't see him.

"Bella wake up." I felt my body being shaken. "Bella love wake up."

"So sorry…." I mumbled.

While I sat there I remembered something that my mom had said to me years ago. If I remembered correctly it was when I called her to tell her that I was moving home. She never asked what happened, it was like she already knew and understood. She said, _"__Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible__. __You just have to listen when you are ready."_

But I wasn't ready to forgive anything just yet and I sure as hell wasn't ready to listen. The hurt still felt to fresh, too new, even after three years. I hurt physically and mentally. I felt broken and I truly didn't believe it was possible to restore myself to the former being I was. I had changed to much, I felt like a lost cause, and I just wanted to be alone.

I was confused and I needed time to think, but I was being shaken again being ripped from this plane of consciousness.

"Bella it's us wake up." I heard Rose somewhere close but I felt lost.

"She feels lost. Broken." Jasper's voice came from somewhere close. "Talk to her… I can't be sure but I don't think she wants to wake up. "

"Bella… I know you don't really want to talk to any of us right now but you have to wake up. Follow my voice. Come back to us love."

"It could be the medicine we injected her with. I didn't think of the reactions with the pain medicine we gave her. The combination of the two probably have her a little more 'asleep' than she would have been with one or the other." I heard Carlisle and he sounded sad and worried.

"We had no choice Carlisle. She would have ended up hurting herself if we let her keep going." I heard Esme trying to comfort him.

I didn't want to go to them. They caused pain and confusion. I tried to just go back to the oblivion, and I slowly started to retreat back into myself..

I felt someone hold me tighter to them and then he spoke into my ear and I couldn't ignore him any longer.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! YOU WILL OPEN YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW! DO YOU HEAR ME! I TOLD YOU I WOULND'T LET YOU LEAVE AGAIN AND I'M NOT! NOW OPEN YOUR EYES DAMN IT!"

He spoke so urgently and demanding I was startled. He had never talked to me like that before. My eyes fluttered open to be met by Edward's beautiful face inches from mine. His eyes held so much determination and relief when he saw me open my eyes that for a split second I thought he might still care for me the way he said he did once upon a time.

I heard a collective sigh of relief as I looked quickly around the room and reality came crashing back in.

I realized that I was in Edward's lap, being held tightly in his arms. I tried to remove myself from his arms but he held me tighter.

"Let me go. Rose I thought you were going to keep them away?" I said closing my eyes, trying to center myself.

"Your heart slowed down so much… Then you started screaming. I am not a doctor…. Bella I am sorry I panicked and they all came in." she replied.

"Oh…sorry…" I replied and I tried again to move. "I am fine now Edward you can put me down."

"I don't want to." he replied. Cocky bastard.

"I don't care what you want. Put me down. I have to use the bathroom." I said and I pulled away a little harder and finally I felt his grip on me relax.

I reopened my eyes and swung my legs off his lap and stood up. I felt his arms go around my waist when I wavered for a second.

"Are you sure your ok Bella?" I heard him whisper.

"I am fine was just a little dizzy for a second." When he was sure I was steady he let me go. I stumbled a little but this time it was Alice that caught me.

"Bella I… can I help you please? I need a second to talk to you. I can draw you a bath and help you keep your cast dry. Please?" She pleaded and begged relentlessly.

I looked at Rose and she gave me a little smile and nodded her head. It was like she was telling me to give Alice a chance. I sighed in defeat and nodded my head to Alice. Who in turn squealed and clapped her hands bouncing a little bit as she approached me. She held her hands out and I reached for her, she scooped me up into her arms and carried me out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom.

She walked in and set me down in a chair that was in the corner in front of the vanity table, then she walked away and turned the water on in the bath tub. She took a second adjusting the temperature then reached to a shelf behind next to the tub picked up a bottle and unscrewed the cap. The smell of lavender filled the room as she pored some of the liquid into the water and the bubbles started to form.

She stood there for a second with her back to me and screwed the lid back onto the bottle. She looked like she took a deep breath trying to center herself before she turned to talk to me.

"Bella. Please just for a minute just listen to me. If after I am done you don't want to talk to me I will go get Rose but please just give me a minute to explain some things." She stopped talking and looked at me pleadingly. She looked so sad and so unlike the Alice I remembered all I could do was nod.

"Thank you Bella." She paused for a second trying to gather her thoughts before she continued. "First I need you to know that I did try and look for you, not in the ways you mentioned last night….. But I did look. I looked for your future… but you were so messed up…" She paused looking away for a second. When she looked back she looked me straight in my eyes and continued. "You didn't or couldn't, I don't know, make a clear decision. That is until you decided to take your mom's ashes to the desert. We knew where you were then but by the time we got there…. You had already left. I tried your cell… but it went to voicemail. I just thought you didn't want to talk to us…. I tried a couple times. I never thought to try to just email you…. I could kick myself for not thinking of it. I was just so obsessed with trying to see your future and see if you were ok…I NEED you to know that I am soooo sorry Bella. I love you and I have missed you so much. I am not asking for forgiveness, I am not sure if I or any of us deserve it, but I am asking you to understand. I can live with you being mad just…. Be mad for the right reasons."

"Alice…. I.." I didn't know what to say to her. I was so confused. "I need to think. But can you answer me one question? NO BULLSHIT and no lies and just tell me straight up?"

"I have never and will never lie to you Bella. Ask me anything." She said as she knelt down in front of me taking my hands and looking into my eyes.

"Why… how could you leave without saying goodbye if you love me like you claim to?" I asked her bluntly. I was tired of beating around the bush. I wanted answers.

I saw the pain and sadness in her eyes. "Bella…. Ok I will explain but first let's get you into the tub." I nodded and stood. After a few minutes of struggling, Alice helped me climb into the tub.

As soon as I felt the hot water I felt my muscles relax. Alice helped me sit down and she stood and reached across the tub and flipped a switch. The jets started pushing water around and helping my sore muscles relax further.

"OK Bella. Here it is no bullshit as you put it. Edward told us what he was going to do. I am sorry but if you want the details of what and why of that you have to talk to Edward, I can't speak for him. But I can tell you that he didn't get any input from us. He came home said what he said and he left to go to you. We packed up quickly and left. I didn't know what to do. He is my brother I wanted too respect his feelings but by the time he got back home and called us….I had already made up my mind…. If he wanted me to leave Forks…. I was going to at least say goodbye. But he said you took off…. He said something about giving you a couple hours to calm down… and he hung up and took off. I waited a few minutes then called your house…. You were either gone or didn't answer, I don't know which. I didn't know what was going on until it was to late and I couldn't see where you were or where you were going. I am sorry Bella please believe me."

I started to cry. I didn't know what to say to her or what to do. I loved Alice but I had to think. I felt her wipe the tears from my face then she spoke again.

"Bella. Please stop crying. I can leave… I will go get Rose. Your head is spinning I can see… you need time to think."

"No Alice you can stay. It's ok. I just need to think." She smiled at me timidly and nodded. She grabbed the bottle of shampoo and went to work on my tangled hair, while I sat back and closed my eyes trying to relax and think.

I didn't know if I could ever forgive everything that had happened between us, but I knew she meant what she said. She was sorry…. But I don't know if I could let her back into my life in the same capacity. That would require more trust and more faith than what I felt like I possessed anymore. I was a broken mess. There was just to much for my mind to properly process. I was also pretty sure it didn't help that I have been heavily medicated for a while now.

"Bella if it takes me forever… I promise you that I will regain your trust. I will take whatever you can give. Just please don't turn your back on me. I know I don't deserve a chance but I don't feel guilty asking for one either." I couldn't answer her, not yet.

She finished washing and conditioning my hair. I washed up and she helped me rinse off. I told her I wanted to get out of the tub so she got up and went to the closet to get a couple towels.

She helped me stand and wrap a towel around myself and around my hair. She said that she forgot to bring me some clothes so she grabbed a robe that was hanging on the back of the door and after I dried off she helped me get into it.

By now my leg was aching and my wrist just plain hurt but I hobbled my way back to the bedroom with minimal help. I was confused but I didn't feel as alone as I had only a little while ago.

Thankfully there was no one else in the bedroom except Rose who was lounging on the bed. She looked up at me when we walked in and smiled a little.

Thankfully Rose had grabbed me another pair of light blue yoga pants and a matching tee. "Sorry Alice, but she is comfortable in this and all she is doing right now is laying around you don't need to play dress up yet."

Alice stuck her tongue out at Rose and walked to the dresser to grab me a pair of panties. Before I knew it I was dressed and sitting on the bed while Alice combed through the tangles of my hair. She ended up French braiding it while Rose took a file to my nails. I felt as normal as I could given the circumstances.

Alice rambled on and on about anything and everything. But her rambling was oddly comforting. It made me feel like nothing had happened even though it only lasted a moment.

There was a knock on the door and then in walked Esme with a tray of food. I didn't know how much more emotional stress I could take, but she looked determined.

"Bella honey I thought you might be hungry. Edward said you liked eggs, so I made you a cheese omelet. Carlisle said your stomach might be a little upset after the meds he has given you but it might make you feel better to eat something." She walked straight over to the bed and placed the tray in my lap. "Eat." was all she said as she sat down.

I burst into tears. She sounded so much like my mom and she looked at me with the same look my mom gave me when I was sick. I suddenly missed my mother so much it hurt. It was like she knew exactly what I needed. She handed the tray to Alice who took it and set it on the small table in the corner and pulled me into her lap.

She wrapped one arm around my waist and held my head to her chest with her other hand. "Shhhhhh sweetie don't cry. It will all work out ok. Shhhhh it's ok honey." she soothed while I sobbed. I clung to her not caring for a minute that she had hurt me to… I just accepted the comfort she offered.

I cried and sobbed and cried some more.

For three years I had no one. I was alone, when I cried no one was there to comfort me. I had lost everything, but in that moment of sadness I wasn't alone. I was surrounded by the very people I thought had wanted me gone… But they were acting like I had never left and that they wanted me there. I didn't know what to do. I felt so lost and confused and that only made me cry more.

I had so many questions and I knew NONE of the answers. At that moment I wanted my mom. She always knew what to say to me to make all the pain and tears go away. She would hold me and rock me just like Esme was doing. At that moment Esme could have done anything or said anything but it was what she said that made me love her all over again. It was like my mom was speaking through her and I felt the love and understanding radiating from her.

"Baby dry your eyes. There are things in life we don't have any control of. Life is hard and you have had a really hard time lately. Part of that is our fault and for that I am sorry. But baby you have to know that you are home now and we won't let you go again. You will get all the answers to all your questions. That I will personally guarantee you. But for now just relax and breath. I promise you it will be ok." She stopped and lifted my chin so I was looking into her eyes. She wiped the tears from my cheeks, kissed my forehead, then continued. "You might not believe me yet honey but we won't let anything happen to you. I say this and I ask you to just trust me when I say it…. We would all die the final death for you Bella and we will do whatever it takes to make you safe and protected again. Even if we have to save you from yourself. I also promise you that no one will hurt you ever again and live to talk about it."

I had never heard Esme speak about hurting anything, but there was such conviction in her voice, I couldn't help but believe her.

We sat there for I don't know how long. Esme held me and rocked me. Rose rubbed my back and Alice held my hand. I felt surrounded by love and it felt blissfully wonderful. I let myself fall asleep in Esme's arms, pushing back for a while all the bad things in my life and concentrating on the love I felt at that moment and in this darkness I found comfort.

* * *

A/N

A step in that direction and a little comfort from Mama Esme.


	11. CHAPTERTEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I woke some time later. There was no sun streaming into the window, which wasn't abnormal for Forks, but the sound of the rain hitting the windows reminded me of Charlie.

It reminded me of all the times I used to complain to him when I was younger about Forks being to wet. I used to hate the rain but Charlie loved it. He always said the fish bite better when it rains… he loved to fish.

I have spent three years running away from Victoria, but my running away had caused the death of my father, and I felt horribly guilty about it, but I didn't know what to do about it. I had to find a way to say goodbye to him, but I didn't know how. Truthfully I didn't want to say goodbye, I wanted to pick up a phone, dial his number, and hear his voice. I would tell him about this fucked up dream I was had about him being dead and about being virtually kidnapped by the Cullen men…. And we would laugh, he would tell me he loved me and missed me.

It would never happen again though. I would never hear his voice or my mom's voice ever again… and all the peace I felt hours ago with Esme was shattered. I felt heartsick, alone, and worst of all guilty.

If I had just let Victoria kill me long ago…. Charlie might still be alive. I rolled to my side and curled into a ball and began to grieve for my father.

I felt a hand on my back and for a minute I was confused. I was used to being alone and now where ever I turned there was some one there and it was a little hard to adjust to.

I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head to see who it was. Alice was laying next to me rubbing my back gently.

"Rose and Esme went to the store to buy some food for you. They will be back in a little while. Are you ok? Are you hurting? I can go get Carlisle…"

"NO!" I practically screamed at her. The last thing I wanted right now was Carlisle or any of the Cullen men. I honestly didn't think my brain could handle it.

She smiled knowingly at me as I rolled over to face her.

She swept a few strands of hair out of my face that had fallen out of the braid. Then looked into my eyes and softly asked me, "What's wrong Bella?"

"Everything…" was all I could choke out before I felt like I was drowning in tears. Alice pulled me to her and held me while I cried, stroking my hair, the way my mom used to do when I was upset. That made me cry harder.

After a few minutes of sobbing I looked up at Alice and asked, "Where is he?"

"Who sweetie?" She asked slightly confused.

"Ch..Ch..Charlie." I choked out.

"We had him buried in the cemetery next to your grandmother and grandfather. The headstone was placed a few days ago. It looks nice. The ceremony was nice to Bella. Your dad would have been touched. He was admired by a lot of people."

"Yeah and I am the reason he is dead. How do I live with that Alice? How can I look in the mirror at myself knowing that if I had just let Victoria kill me…."

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW SWAN. Honey you can't beat yourself up over this. If I knew anything about Charlie it was that you were his priority. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty or sad Bella. He loved you and he would want you to live on, because through you he lives… and so does your mom."

"I… I want to go to the grave. I need to say goodbye."

"I wouldn't hear the end of it if I took you out alone. We can either wait for Rose and Esme or we can ask one of the guys to go with us. I am sorry Bella but we have caught Victoria's scent a few times when we go out to hunt. We know she isn't working alone so it isn't safe unless there are a couple of us. Hold on let me check…" She stopped and her eyes glazed over. "I still can't see her but I can see that as long as there are two of us with you we come back unharmed. If I take you alone…. You disappear." She looked frustrated, I knew I was missing something but I didn't want to think about it right now.

"I don't know if I want to wait, but I really don't want to talk to the guys just yet…" I was interrupted by a knock on the door. Alice told them to enter and Carlisle entered the room followed by Edward.

I turned my head away from them, it physically hurt to look at Edward. My heart and my body ached to touch him… to have him touch me, and I had to keep reminding myself that he didn't want me. I didn't care what he kept saying to me. I remembered the look in his eyes when he told me. I felt and saw the truth in his words and I had to keep telling myself that he wasn't meant for me. He wasn't mine anymore, probably never truly was. It never made sense for him to love a nobody like me.

"Bella I know you are still mad at us and we know you want to go visit your dad's grave, but me and Edward haven't been to see the headstone yet and would like to go with you. Please?" I felt all their eyes on me and I peeked at Alice.

"You and I will sit in the back. You don't have to even talk to them if you don't want to Bella. It is safer for them to come with. Besides if you fall or decide to attack a vampire twice your size again, it's a good idea to have a doctor with us." She smiled at me timidly hoping that her attempt to make me smile would work.

I didn't smile but I knew there was no point in arguing, so I nodded.

"Good." She turned to Carlisle and Edward who were still standing in the doorway, "Give us a few minutes. I have to help her get dressed and Rose isn't here to stop me so… git. We will meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes."

They nodded and turned to leave, Edward paused for a second, turned back around and looked at me. He opened his mouth to say something but must have decided not to because he just shook his head, turned and walked out.

I didn't have time to dwell on it because as soon as the door was closed, Alice was lifting me out of the bed and sitting me up in a chair.

"Alice my leg isn't broken, honestly it isn't even hurting that bad, I can walk."

"Oh shush. It won't kill you and it's faster this way. You might be able to walk… but you can't do it very well. Now that I think about it… you never really have been able too. Besides we don't have very long and you limping around will only take up more time. Now start stripping while I find you something to wear." She smiled broadly at the prospect.

"Alice nothing too crazy. Like you said I have a hard time walking as it is so no heels. In fact…"

"Bella please. A little faith. I would love to put you in a dress and fix you all up, but I don't feel like fighting with you over it right now. I will be good I promise." She smiled at me then walked into the closet.

"Why do I have more clothes here than I have ever had, ever." I asked her as I stood and pulled my pants off and sat back down.

"I have been buying you clothes since two days before you even met Edward. I saw you and Edw….." She stopped mid sentence and started again, "I saw you coming back to us and I knew you didn't have much with you and I'll be damned if my sister looks like a hobo. No offense." As she finished talking she popped back out of the closet carrying a pair of black jeans and a long sleeve purple top. She held them up to me briefly then grabbed a bra, panties and socks out of the dresser and walked back over to me.

As quickly as possible she helped me change then walked back to the closet and grabbed a pair of black Nikes. "These will be the best for you to walk in." She stated and slipped them on my feet and tied them. She stood back a couple steps looking at me. Nodded once and grabbed a hair brush and began to take my braid out.

My hair was wavy from drying in the braid and it almost flowed down my back. Alice ran the brush through it and pulled the sides back and braided them together loosely and let the rest hang free.

She helped me stand and she looked me over one last time and she must have been satisfied because she picked me up and carried me out of the room before I could protest.

The next thing I knew we were at the bottom of the stairs and I was being set down in front of Edward and Carlisle. I must have had a shocked expression on my face because I saw both of them smirk at me as I glared at Alice.

"You look beautiful." Edward said and he stepped forward took my hand and kissed it. This sent a what felt like an electric current straight up my arm and the feeling sent flutters through my stomach. I snatched my hand back and took a step back towards Alice who was a foot or two behind me.

Edward smiled at me then bowed at the waist saying, "If you are ready my lady."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed Alice by the arm and pulled her with me as I stalked towards the garage.

I heard him chuckle behind me as I blushed. Irritated I opened the door that led to the garage. I heard Alice chuckle once and she grabbed my hand and started to walk towards the silver Volvo. I froze. There was no way I was getting into HIS car. Not right now I couldn't deal with it.

Alice must have noticed my hesitation and changed direction, heading toward Carlisle's Mercedes. This time I let her pull me over to the car. Before I could reach for the door a hand shot out in front of me. Edward smirked at me as he opened the door. 'Smart ass' I muttered to myself as I ignored him and climbed in the back seat. Alice followed me shaking her head. Edward shut the door and climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door behind him. Carlisle just got into the drivers seat not saying a word and started the car.

"Bella," Edward turned in his seat and looked directly into my eyes and I felt my insides turn to mush. I cursed at my traitorous body and took a deep breath and stared right back. I wasn't about to let him know he still affected me this way. I am sure he could tell by the sound of my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest. But I was hoping I could conceal it a little better on the outside. He continued staring for a second until Alice cleared her throat and he continued, "I know you don't want to be near me or Carlisle right now, but while we are at the cemetery you have to stay close. It isn't safe for you to run off or be left alone. We will give you as much privacy as possible, but for this visit we will be staying close. If you can't accept that, we will stay home until we deal with Victoria. I refuse to let that bitch take you from me again." He almost growled the last part out and I sat there looking at him in shock. Edward didn't cuss in front of me that often and he never called a woman a bitch. He once explained that his mother raised him better than that.

I shook my head and I had to suppress a laugh as I looked at him. He looked so serious, for minute I thought he cared. I shrugged my shoulders at him, nodded once, then looked out the window. Satisfied he turned around in his seat and reached up and pressed the garage door opener and Carlisle pulled the car expertly out of the garage, then Edward pressed the button again and the door closed behind us.

Carlisle backed up and turned the car around so we were headed down the driveway. Towards Forks. Towards my fathers final resting place.

A few minutes later we pulled into the Forks Cemetery. Carlisle pulled the car around towards the back of the cemetery where my grandparents and now my father were resting.

He parked the car on the road and Edward and Carlisle got out of the car. Alice grabbed my arm when I reached for the door.

"Give them a second, they need to make sure it's safe for you." She said as she patted my hand.

I sat back wearily inhaling the smell of leather and vampire and closed my eyes. I didn't know how I was going to say goodbye to him.

A few moments later my door was opened and I jumped, startled. I peered up into Edward's eyes as he held his hand out for me to take so he could help me out of the car. I ignored him and tried to get out myself. He said I had to stay close to them not that I had to hold on to them.

I made it out of the car with out incident but when I tried to step out of the way so Edward could close the door, I tripped on a rock. Before I could hit the ground I felt Edward's cold arms go around my waist and pull me back up and hold me to him.

"You are still a klutz." He whispered into my ear.

"And you can take your hands off me now. Thank you very much." He smiled at me with that crooked smile I used to love and for a second I forgot where we were. He looked at me a minute longer then released me.

Alice was waiting next to me, her hand outstretched for me to take. Over her other arm she had a blanket, folded neatly. We started walking, Carlisle in front of Alice and I and Edward behind us.

The closer we got to the graves, the more I started to shake. We walked silently. I watched my feet hoping I wouldn't fall on my face as the other three kept scanning the area surrounding us. They looked tense. I somehow knew that if anyone or anything moved, they would attack first and ask questions later. I shivered a little but not because I was cold but I was a little scared.

Edward must have noticed me shiver because as soon as I did I felt him drape his jacket over my shoulders. His scent was imbedded into the jacket and I inhaled deeply and the smell helped me relax a little.

Alice squeezed my hand as we stopped in front of the grave. Carlisle stopped and knelt in front of the stone. He placed a hand on it and bowed his head he stayed still for a moment then crossed himself and rose and stepped away. Alice spread the blanket out over the plot as I walked forward.

_Charles Robert Swan_

_1961-2010_

_Beloved Father and Cherished Friend_

I fell to my knees, "Oh daddy… I am so sorry.." I sobbed as I knelt there. I felt someone put there arms around me and at that point I didn't care who it was. I let the grief over take me.

After a minute or so I sat back on my butt and pulled my knees to my chest, running my fingers over the lettering on the stone. I felt Alice take my hand and I looked back. Alice was right next to me and Edward was sitting behind us with his back to us. Carlisle was a few feet away silently scanning the area.

I closed my eyes ignoring them and began talking.

"When I was little I had this huge thing for Phantom of the Opera. I was obsessed. I would walk around with a CD player singing the songs all the time." I smiled at the memory then continued. "I came to visit him that summer on my mandatory Charlie visit. He picked me up at the airport and while we were waiting for my luggage he said he had a surprise for me but he couldn't tell me what it was yet. We got my luggage and went to the car. I remember being embarrassed because we were in Seattle and he picked me up in a Forks squad car…. I hated when he did that.

We got in the car and he drove to a friends house in Seattle. When we got there he made me get out and he grabbed a box out of the back seat. We up to the door and we were greeted by a woman who introduced herself but for the life of me I can't remember her name. I had never seen her before and I never saw her again. She smiled and led us into the living room where she told Charlie to sit. She then took me to a bedroom down the hall.

The room was hideous. It was painted what looked like to me a neon yellow. There was a bed with a pink comforter, a dresser and a small vanity and a chair. She set the box Charlie had handed her on the bed and had me sit in the chair.

I kept asking her what was going on and she just smiled at me and told me to be still." I closed my eyes and lifted my head slightly trying to remember every detail. "I think she is the first person to ever play Bella Barbie and I hated it even then. She twisted, ironed, pulled, and fixed my hair and applied just a little makeup. I was like nine, I think, so to much make up would have looked funny. When she was done she stood and walked to the bed and opened the box. There was a baby blue dress. It was slightly fitted at the top and it flared out at the bottom. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She helped me get into the dress and she pulled a pair of white ballet flats and placed them on my feet. I remember twirling around and the dress flaring out. I had never felt so beautiful. She took my hand and we walked back to the living room where my dad sat. He had changed to. He had a tux on. I had only seen him in a tux in pictures. He looked so handsome." I had to stop for a moment because remembering how he looked that day made the tears come harder. Alice handed me some tissues and I thanked her and blew my nose.

Taking a deep breath I continued.. "He said I looked all grown up… He thanked the woman and we left. I kept asking him where we were going but he just kept saying that it was a surprise and I had to be patient…. A few minutes later we pulled up in front of this building and dad got out and some guy opened my door. The first valet I had encountered too. Dad took my hand and led me in the door. As soon as we got in the door….. There was this HUGE banner that said Phantom of the Opera. I about died." I smiled remembering the smile on Charlie's face as I realized where he was taking me.

"Dad was so happy that I was excited. I couldn't believe that my dad had put a tux on and was taking me to see Phantom of the Opera." I stopped and looked at the grave stone. "It was so perfect daddy…."

I softly started to sing one of my favorite songs… It seemed fitting.

_You were once my one companion . . . _

_you were all that mattered . . . _

_You were once a friend and father, then my world was shattered . . . _

_Wishing you were somehow here again . . . _

_wishing you were somehow near . . . _

_Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed, somehow you would be here . . . Wishing I could hear your voice again . . . _

_knowing that I never would . . . _

_Dreaming of you won't help me to do all that you dreamed I could . . . _

_Passing bells and sculpted angels, cold and monumental, seem, for you the wrong companions - you were warm and gentle . . ._

_Too many years fighting back tears . . . _

_Why can't the past just die . . .? _

_Wishing you were somehow here again . . . _

_knowing we must say goodbye . . . _

_Try to forgive, teach me to live . . . _

_give me the strength to try . . . _

_No more memories, no more silent tears . . . _

_No more gazing across the wasted years . . . _

_Help me say goodbye. Help me say goodbye!_

When I was done. I bowed my head and whispered. "I hope you are at peace now dad. I will miss you… I love you so much." I couldn't continue. The sobs were making it hard to breath. I felt Alice squeeze my hand and I felt Edward slip an arm around my shoulders and pull me to him. I had no energy to fight him, so I didn't. I sat there and let him hold me, just for a minute I let myself think he cared. After a moment more I rose to my feet.

I closed my eyes and started to speak again. "When my grandparents died my dad recited a prayer, I later found out it was a Hopi Indian prayer. I started from that day to recited that prayer every night for years. It made me feel closer to them… It went something like..

_Do not stand at my grave and weep_

_ I am not there, _

_I do not sleep I am a thousand winds that blow_

_ I am the diamond glint on snow_

_ I am the sun Light on the ripened grain _

_I am the gently falling autumn rain _

_When you wake in the morning hush_

_ I am the swift up Lighting rush of quiet birds in circling flight _

_I am the soft star Light at night _

_Do not stand at my grave and weep_

_ I am not there, I do not sleep _

Daddy I hope you are free now and at peace." I felt the tears fall from my eyes and with that I turned, wrapping my arms around me. Alice rose and gathered the blanket. Suddenly I was in Edward's arms and he carried me back to the car. I didn't protest. I had nothing left with to fight with right now. I just held onto his neck and let him carry me and I cried. Carlisle and Alice followed behind silently.

Edward never said a word as he set me in the back seat kissed my forehead then closed the door. Alice climbed in besides me and pulled me towards her. I laid my head in her lap and closed my eyes. I was exhausted mentally and it made me physically tired but I couldn't sleep, my heart hurt to much. So I laid there while Alice rubbed my back and Carlisle drove us all back to the Cullen's house, home…

Moments later we pulled into the garage of the Cullen's house and after I heard the garage door shut I felt the door open. I turned my head and there was Esme. She held her arms out to me and I threw myself at her. She wrapped her arms around me and lifted me out of the car.

She carried me into the house and into the living room. She sat on the couch and held me in her lap while I cried. I don't know how long we sat there. I just let her hold me and rock me, eventually my stomach growled.

Esme called Rose and Alice to come sit with me. Alice walked in holding a movie in her hand looking at me. She sat down next to me for a minute then turned toward me handing me the movie saying… "I thought you might want to watch it." She smiled at me timidly unsure how I would react.

She handed me a copy of Phantom of the Opera.

I threw my arms around her neck saying, "Thank you Alice. It's perfect."

She hugged me back then took the movie and went to place it in the DVD player.

Moments later the sounds of the opera filled the room. We sat there watching and a few minutes later Esme brought in a sandwich and a cup of hot tea. I ate the sandwich while we watched the movie.

About a halfway through, my peace and quiet was interrupted when Emmet and Jasper quietly came into the room. I was doing a fairly good job of ignoring them until Jasper tried to calm me and Emmet said, "Why are we watching this crap?"

I had been through so much today and I just didn't want to deal with anymore shit. So without saying anything I stood and started to walk towards the door. Suddenly Emmet was in front of me with his hands in front of him, "Where are you going?" he asked with a confused look on his face.

I said nothing and tried to push my way past him. He grabbed my arms and stopped my progression.

"Let me go." I said simply and tried to pull from his grasp. I felt Jasper trying get me to calm down and it finally made me snap.

"Dammit Jasper stop it and leave me alone. Emmet let me go now." I said and tried to pull from Emmet's grasp.

"I don't want to little sister." With that I felt Emmet lift me up by my arms and my feet were left dangling. The sudden movement scared me and I screamed. I struggled and pulled, trying to get away. I felt the panic start to settle in.

When I felt Jasper's hand on my back trying to get me to calm down I freaked out.

I could hear Rose, Alice and Esme somewhere in the background yelling at Emmet and Jasper to just let me go, that they were making it worse. They of course didn't listen.

I screamed again and swung my leg as hard as I could, I connected with Emmet. I felt him drop me and he fell to his knees and rolled to his side grabbing his balls. Who knew that kicking vampire in the balls would work? I laughed to myself and thought that's what you get you smug bastard. "If I had known that would have worked I wouldn't have saved myself from a broken wrist." I spat at him and I tried to get up. I saw Jasper reach for me and I ran from the room. I had to get away from them. The room felt like it was getting smaller and I ran out the door into the hall. I saw the front door and I felt an overwhelming need to get out of the house so I ran toward it. I was a few feet from it reaching for the door knob when suddenly Jasper was back in front of me pleading for me to calm down.

I skidded to a stop twisting my injured ankle more and I felt the pain shoot up my leg. I scrambled backwards trying to get away as he reached for me. I screamed and kicked at him. I finally got to my feet and spun around to run and before I got two inches I felt two arms wrap around me.

My heart leapt into my throat and strangled the scream that was trying to escape. I gasped for air as my chest tightened. I heard Edward in my ear soothing me, trying to get me to calm down. I was so distraught I wasn't thinking clearly. All I could think was that I had to get away, run, now.

"Carlisle she can't breath!" I heard Edward say as I gasped for air. I felt Edward sink to the floor and pull me with him. He wrapped his arms around my chest and he put one of his legs across mine holding me immobile as I sobbed and struggled in vain.

Moments later I felt the prick of the needle as Carlisle sank it into my arm.

"I didn't give her as much this time but it should still work." I heard him mumble to Edward who was telling me it was ok.

"SHHH love it's ok. They won't hurt you. They didn't mean to scare you. Shhhh." He soothed. "Shhhhh just sleep now love I won't let them hurt you it's ok." I felt the drugs begin to work and I felt the knot in my chest loosen slightly and it became easier and easier to breath. "That's is love just breath. It's ok I have you now. Rest." With that he began to hum to me. He hummed a melody I never thought I would hear again.

My lullaby filled my head and I felt myself relax and I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. At that moment I fell asleep, on the floor, wrapped in Edward's arms.

* * *

A/N: The song Bella sang was called Wishing you were somehow here again by Andrew Lloyd Webber and was from The Phantom of the Opera.

I would also like to give a big THANK YOU to everyone who is reading and taking the time to review! You guys ROCK!


	12. CHAPTERELEVEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I awoke to the sounds of people arguing outside me door. I was in that stage of alertness that made it difficult to concentrate on what was being said. I opened my eyes briefly and looked around the room. I was alone.

I found this a little odd seeing that I hadn't been left alone in a room, ANY room, since I was brought here.

"This isn't the time Edward. Just let her rest and come back later. I am warning you, I have seen what happens if you stay. It maybe to late already….." I heard Alice speak and my interest was piqued. I sat up slowly and as silently as I could. I knew these vampires had super hearing but I figured that they were a little preoccupied and I wanted to listen.

"Alice I need to talk to her. Just move." I heard Edward growl. Knowing he was basically threatening Alice for doing what I asked of her was kind of pissing me off. I took a deep breath. Alice can handle herself I told myself.

"Edward if Alice says its not the time to talk then I agree with her. Bella went through another traumatic experience yesterday, give her time." I heard Rose back up Alice. "Just. Go. Edward!"

"NO!" I heard him practically scream at them. "I don't want to just go. That's what started this whole fucking mess. Now get out of my way and let me talk to her."

"NO!" Rose and Alice said in unison.

"SHE IS MINE! IF I WANT TO TALK TO HER, I WILL AND NONE OF YOU WILL STOP ME!" I heard the words come out of his mouth and I saw red. I threw back the covers and leapt to the floor. I was at the door and pulling it open before I really could process what I was doing.

"It's to late Rose. I think he deserves what he gets now. DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T TRY TO WARN YOU!" Alice stepped aside just as I had the door open and there Edward stood staring at me.

"I BELONG TO NO ONE YOU SON OF A BITCH! I HAVE NOT BEEN YOURS FOR A LONG TIME EDWARD!" I shrieked at him. All the frustration and heartache from the situation poring out of me. "THIS WAS YOUR WISH! YOUR DOING! YOU CAN JUST KISS MY ASS IF YOU THINK AFTER EVERYTHING YOU SAID TO ME I WOULD JUST FALL BACK INTO YOUR ARMS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR FUCKING HEAD RIGHT NOW…. BUT HONESTLY I DON'T CARE. YOU MADE YOUR DECISION THREE YEARS AGO! '_I DON'T WANT YOU BELLA_'…. THOSE WERE YOUR WORDS… NOT MINE! THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO SAY. NOW YOU CAN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE… OH AND YOU OWE YOUR SISTERS AN APOLOGY." With that I spun on my heals and walked back into the bedroom where Rose and Alice had went to wait. I was shaking I was so mad. I started to fling the door shut when I felt him grab it. Then he grabbed my arm and spun me back around.

"Bella I love you. I always have." He started but I interrupted.

"Edward…. I can't and I won't just let you back in. I am not going to get hurt like that again. I am not just going to let you back in so in a month, a year, shit ten years from now you decide you want something or someone else to 'distract' you. Again, your words not mine. Why would I let you back into my heart? Just so this whole thing could happen again? How does that saying go? OH yeah fool me once shame on you… fool me twice shame one me. I don't know how you can stand there and claim to love me. If you loved me Edward you would have….NO wait WE would have found a way to work things out back then. I don't want you to be standing here begging me to come back to you when it's probably just guilt. I don't want you to feel guilty and I sure as hell don't want your pity. I have made my decisions and now I have to live with the consequences. I will keep my promise to you. As soon as I can leave…." My voice broke as the tears started to fall. "You won't have me here as a reminder and your life will return to normal. You will be free to have as many distractions as you want with out me here to make you feel guilty about it."

"Bella my life hasn't been normal since you left. I know you don't believe me and I don't blame you for not wanting to listen, but I WILL BE DAMNED if you leave me again. I should NEVER have let you walk away that day."

"Explain something to me Edward?" I asked him as I pulled my wrist from his grasp as I wrapped my arms around my chest.

"Anything." He replied simply.

"What is the difference? If I wouldn't have left… You were going to uproot your whole family and leave me anyway. I would have still been 'unprotected', my mom would still be dead. My dad still may be alive, but Victoria might have still killed him to get to me. I might have been killed a long time ago and we wouldn't ever been having this conversation. Either way Edward…I would have been alone, so what's the difference?" I took a step back from him and waited for his response.

"Bella, I …" He trailed off running his hands through his hair and looking at the ground.

"That's what I thought." With that I spun back around and this time I made it into the room and slammed the door in his face. As soon as the door closed I fell to my knees sobbing.

"I love you Bella. I always have and I always will. I won't let you leave and I won't let you be alone EVER again." I heard him say through the door.

"IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING CHOICE DAMMIT!" I screamed at him through the door.

"I do have a choice in the matter and I will show you that I am sincere." I heard a noise that sounded like his forehead pressing against the door. "I don't deserve you Bella… but I will show you I regret that choice I made three years ago to leave you. You have no idea how much I regret it and I will do ANYTHING to have you back."

I covered my ears and cried harder. I couldn't listen to it anymore. I felt cold hands touch my shoulder and I pulled away. I didn't want comfort, I just needed to be alone. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out and I didn't want an audience.

I knew they wouldn't let me leave. I knew they wouldn't leave me alone, but I needed a few minutes to myself. I walked to the closet, opened the door, stepped inside and closed the door behind me. The closet was HUGE. It was as big as my room at my dad's house. There was a small dresser sitting by the door and I pulled it in front of the door then sank to the floor with my back pressed against it.

I knew it wouldn't keep them out if they wanted in, but it gave me the desired feeling and I just tried to ignore the specifics. I was alone.

I placed my face in my hands and sobbed. I cried for my mom, I cried for my dad, and I cried for me because as much as I hated to admit it. I was still head over heels in love with Edward. I wanted nothing more than to run to him and throw myself into his arms, but I couldn't take the chance of him rejecting me again. Of him walking away again. I was barely holding myself together now. I knew that if it happened again, there would be no putting me back together again.

I sat there for a minute crying then lifted my head and looked around the room slowly. There were clothes everywhere. Every millimeter of space was filled. I shook my head thinking of Alice then I spotted my bag on the floor in the far corner. I crawled back to the corner. I climbed under a row of clothes so I couldn't be seen if they opened the door and opened the bag.

I dug through the bag and found my iPod. Hoping it wasn't dead, I placed the ear phones in my ears and turned it on. I turned it up as far as it would go and hit play and sat back. Tears came back to my eyes as the music filled my head.

The tears flowed again as I heard the song start. I closed my eyes and started singing softly to myself.

_No more talk of darkness, __forget these wide-eyed fears;_

_ I'm here, nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you._

_ Let me be your freedom, let daylight dry your tears; _

_I'm here, with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you_.

_Say you love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime._

_ Say you need me with you now and always; _

_promise me that all you say is true, that's all I ask of you_.

_Let me be your shelter, let me be your light; _

_you're safe, no one will find you, your fears are far behind you._

_ All I want is freedom, a world with no more night;_

_ and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me_

_Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;_

_ let me lead you from your solitude. _

_Say you need me with you, here beside you, anywhere you go, let me go too, _

_Christine, that's all I ask of you _

_Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime; say the word and I will follow you._

_ Share each day with me,each night, each you love me! _

_You know I do. Love me, that's all I ask of you. _

_Anywhere you go, let me go too! _

_Love me, that's all I ask of you. _

By the time the song was done I was singing louder and louder and crying harder and harder. Every night while I was running I would put this song on. I would lay down in the unwelcoming bed of whatever lonely cold hotel room I happened to be in and close my eyes. I would picture Edward coming to me singing this song, begging me to come home and promising he would keep me safe.

It was a fools dream and it made me mad that I had clung to it for so long. _He doesn't really love you Bella, he never has, It's all lies. _I thought to myself. Mad and disgusted I took the ear phones out of my ears and leaned forward a little and threw the iPod at the door. It crashed against the door and fell to the floor broken. I sank back to my corner and drew my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs and rest my forehead on my hands.

_Don't fall for it Bella stay strong... _I chanted over and over in my head as I gently rocked back and forth.

I must have fallen asleep briefly or I was just so zoned out that the knock on the door scared me. I jumped but didn't answer. I heard the knock again, then I heard the door open and the dresser sliding with the door then being moved back into place. Damn Vampires.

"Bella-Boo?" I heard Emmet's voice and I cringed. I SOOOOOOOOOO didn't want to deal with him right now and I was trapped. The only way out of the closet was through him and I didn't have the energy to deal with his shit too.

I didn't answer and hoped he would just go away. No such luck.

"Bella.. I… ahh… I brought you something to eat and I wanted to talk…" I heard him say.

I had to be in hell. Either that or I had seriously pissed the man upstairs off. I didn't end. I chuckled at my own bad luck. Then felt the clothes above my head shift.

"Just leave me alone Emmet. I can't deal …" my voice broke and I started crying again. I glanced up at him and I couldn't help but laugh.

There no more than a foot from me was Emmet. Big, strong, manly, VAMPIRE… Emmet squatting in front of me wearing a football helmet.

"I have a cup on too." He said tapping lightly on his "area" to prove it. "This way you I don't take the chance of YOU hurting ME. I need my love stick." He said with a smirk.

I tried to be mad. I really and truly tried. But the sight of this man in front of me was just to comical. I held it in as long as I could, then burst out laughing. I was laughing and I was crying and I couldn't catch my breath. He held his arms out to me and after a minute of hesitation I held my hands out to him. In a flash I was sitting in the middle of the closet in Emmet's lap, my head buried in his chest, and his arms wrapped around me. Crying.

He didn't say anything at first he just held me and rocked me. We just sat there in silence until he broke it.

"Bella… I am no good at apologies and I don't know if ANY of us ever really deserve your forgiveness. But Bella… I miss my klutzy little sister. She seems to have developed a little bit more of a temper since she has been gone, but I missed her none the less. Please, PLEASE, PLEASE forgive me. I know it's no excuse but I just go where I am told. I didn't question it until you were gone already. I let the asshole have it later if its any consolation."

"WAIT!" I stopped him and looked up. "What did you do?"

He smiled at me hugely then said, "I kicked his ass! Literally…. Broke a few trees over his head while I was at it. Then told him where to go. That is also the day that Rose and I started looking for you. Rose and I headed out not really knowing where we were going but we had to try to find you."

I smiled and shook my head at him.

"I was raised to protect my family. ESPECIALLY the women in my life. You are my sister Bella and I love you… I would do ANYTHING to keep you safe. It kills me you have a broken arm because of me."

"Because of you? You make it seem like you took my hand and smacked yourself Em. I should say I am sorry for everything I have done to you in the last few days…." I started to apologize and he stopped me by placing his hand over my mouth.

"NOPE don't need to. I believe I deserved it. I shouldn't have scared you and tried to grab you… and I should have told Edward to go to hell the moment he said we were going to leave you behind. I promise I won't leave you again Bella-Boo." He finished and he looked into my eyes and I could see the sincerity in them.

"SOOOOOO is it safe for me to take this helmet off? Or are you going to try to break your other hand?" He smiled broadly at me and I just chuckled at him and nodded my head.

He pulled the helmet off and hugged me tightly and kissed my head.

"Can't….. Breath… Em." I choked out and I felt him chuckle as he loosened his grip.

"Sorry Bells….OH WAIT, MISS SWAN! I was just so happy you are talking to me again."

I scowled at him and blushed remembering how mean I was to him. This just made him laugh harder.

"Emmet don't laugh at her, you'll just make her mad again and if YOU make her cry again, she won't have to break her other hand because I will deal with you myself." I heard Rose from the door of the closet and Emmet tried to stop laughing but his eyes almost glowed with amusement.

"YES DEAR!" He answered saluting her, then standing up and placed my feet on the floor. He took my hand and looked at me, the amusement still in his eyes and said, "Let's go find the sandwich Esme sent me with. Do you want a pop or something to drink…. I don't know what the women folk bought for you but…." I laughed at his joke as we walked out of the closet but when I heard Carlisle's voice I froze.

"Bella I know you are NOT happy with me. I can understand, I am the ass that keeps drugging you, but with all the medicine you have had in the last day or so you need to drink lots of water, or you might feel sick." He looked at me and smiled timidly. "I would also like to look at your hand and leg. Unfortunately the "woman folk" as Emmet so politely called them, have to leave for a little while to go hunt. They have put it off for as long as they should so before something happens I asked them to just go. They refused to go until I could confirm that you were doing physically a little better." He stopped and looked at me questioningly.

I didn't say a word to him as I nodded and looked at Rose, who looked rather upset for some reason. "Rose what's the matter?" I asked as I sat down in the chair Carlisle had set in front of him, still ignoring him.

"I don't want to leave you here with the thugs." She said looking at Emmet then at Carlisle.

"HEY! Bella and I are friends again, I'll keep the 'THUGS' away, because I am a bigger 'THUG'." He chuckled at Rose then looked at me, "Right?"

I didn't want Rose or Alice OR Esme to leave me right now but I knew they had to go eat. I also knew that none of them would leave unless I told them it was ok. "Rose I will be ok. I can deal with Emmet's crazy ass for a while. As long as he promises to behave."

"He doesn't have to promise you, I PROMISE YOU he will be good and he will let NO ONE near you unless you say its ok. RIGHT EMMET CULLEN?" Rose smiled sweetly at me but I could detect the threat as could Emmet.

"I promise Miss Swan. I will be on my best behavior and I will keep all the 'THUGS' and all other things that go bump in the night away." He dropped to his knees dramatically and placed one hand on his chest and one in the air, like he was taking a solemn vow. He made it look like his life depended on it and from the look on Rose's face… it just might have.

I burst into a fit of giggles at the sight and the thought of Rose kicking his ass. My laughing must have been contagious because everyone else in the room followed suit.

I was brought back to reality as I felt Carlisle run his hand over the knot on my knee. I jumped a little as the pain shot down my leg. "Still a little sore I see." He mumbled as he slid my pants leg up to look at it more closely. "It looks good though. Some bruising but the swelling is basically gone. Does it hurt when you walk?" He stopped still holding my leg in his hands.

"Not to bad. It's fine really. As long as I don't poke the bruises it doesn't really hurt at all." I said and Carlisle smiled warmly at me and nodded then pulled my pants leg back down.

He took my hand and started looking at the bruised knuckles and pressing on my arm very gently above the cast. It was sore but not to bad. He looked satisfied at the progress my arm was making and he looked up at me still holding my hand.

"Bella I am sorry also. I hope we can get past this. I was truly only trying to help you. I have no excuse for my actions three years ago, but I trusted that my son was doing what he thought was best. That lasted all of two days if I remember correctly…." He trailed off in thought for a moment.

"It's ok Carlisle. I kind of understand I guess. BUT there is something I have to tell all of you. As soon as this mess with Victoria is over I will be leaving again. I made a promise to Edward that day and no matter what he or anyone else says I will keep it. I will not take his family from him. I will be gone in a few years and you will all forget me… He will be here forever. I won't let all of you turn on him because of me…"

"I don't see you ever leaving us Bella and you are UNFORGETABLE... SO no more talk about this right now." Alice interrupted me and before I could protest she continued, "Now Rose, Esme, and I have to get going because the faster we get out of here the faster we get back. SOOO let's go Rose. ESME! WE ARE READY!" She said much louder than she needed to but I figured she just wanted me to stop talking so I just let it go for now.

"We will be back sometime tomorrow morning early Bella, try to stay out of trouble, and there better NOT be any more injuries when we get back." Rose glanced at Emmet and kissed my forehead. Then she walked out the door after giving Emmet another warning look.

Alice hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Are you sure you will be ok with this?" I chuckled and nodded my head reassuring her.

"I'll be fine Alice." I whispered back

Esme appeared at the door and approached me with a frown on her face. "I hate to leave you right now.."

"Esme I will be ok. Emmet has been threatened and I have a doctor here if I need one. I will be ok." I forced a smile and hugged her as she hugged me. I really didn't want them to leave. I would miss them but I knew it was necessary. I had to choke back the tears.

"We will be home before you wake up tomorrow. I promise." She hugged me again and kissed my forehead.

"OH and Bella…" Alice popped her head back into the room "We are going shopping in Seattle tomorrow. NO arguing over it either. Make sure you get a good nights sleep!" She then disappeared just as fast as she had appeared.

Then they were gone and I was left in the house with the Cullen men.

* * *

A/N

I would just like to say thank you for everyone who has added me to alerts and favorites. A HUGE THANK YOU to all that have reviewed. It brightens my day to hear you words of encouragement and your thoughts. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The song used was _All I Ask of You By Andrew Lloyd Webber from the Phantom of the Opera._


	13. CHAPTERTWELVE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS…. But a girl can dream can't she?

* * *

I stood there for a second trying to process everything that had happened that morning and it was just to much. My head started to hurt.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to think.

OK so I can relax a little around Carlisle, he and I would be ok as long as he didn't try to knock me out with drugs anymore.

My girls were gone for the day, it was going to be a long day.

Emmet is a little nuts but I couldn't be mad at him, I was fairly sure he meant well, and if he didn't I was POSSITIVE that Rose would deal with him.

That left Jasper and Edward.

I walked over to the window and gazed out, forgetting I wasn't alone in the room. I rested my forehead on the cool glass trying to collect my thoughts.

OK so Jasper…. Let's face it Swan, he scares you a little. He was the only one who could, in theory, knock you out with out touching you. I was thankful for the books I had read on meditation and centering myself. It truly helped me block him out as long as I concentrated. He was also the only Cullen who had lost control in front of me and tried to kill me. I never held it against him, I understood I guess. I mean let's face it, it was blood, and Jasper feels things form everyone. He is the newest to the 'Veggie' life choice and he found it a little hard at times to deny his bloodlust, that was understandable to me. I mean who doesn't have a hard time sticking to a diet choice? Then think, if everyone else had just a flicker of bloodlust (and I saw the looks in their eyes… there was more than a flicker) Jasper would feel that too. So combine his bloodlust and the bloodlust of everyone else in the room… What do you get? Answer? Me lucky to get away with just a few stitches.

Then there was Edward. I honestly don't know what to think about him right now. I mean I loved him and I always would… but I couldn't let myself believe he still had feelings for me. I wasn't sure if he wanted me here or if he was just putting on a show for the rest of his family. He seemed sincere but he had seemed sincere every time he used to say he loved me… and all those times were lies. I made a promise to him to stay away but the more I thought about it… he made promises to me he didn't keep, why should I keep obsessing over this one promise I made to him?

I stood there for a second and thought about it. Why in god's name was I obsessing over it? It finally hit me. I honestly couldn't give two shits about keeping my promises to him, but I couldn't bear the thought of him being alone. If I stayed I had a feeling his family would take my side and where would that leave him? Alone and I WOULDN'T do that to him, no matter what…. I couldn't. He was an overbearing, pompous, ass at times but he had suffered for so long, I just couldn't live with myself knowing I was the cause of him suffering. The only way to do that was take myself out of the equation. Plus the moment he found his real mate… I would be crushed.. And I couldn't stick around waiting to see that. I stood there silently contemplating this until I was interrupted.

"You know everything happens for a reason. The future changes with each choice we make, if Alice's visions are proof of anything, it's that. I know you feel guilty just being in this house…" I stiffened as Jasper laid a hand on my shoulder, but when I didn't feel his influence, I relaxed a little and let him speak. "Bella I know you don't trust me and I don't blame you, I don't think I would trust me either if I was you…. But you HAVE to believe me when I say, that you are a part of this family. You always have been and you always will be no matter WHERE you are. You can run again, if you want, shoot I will help you walk out the front door when Victoria has been dealt with, if that is what you truly want."

"LIKE HELL!" I heard Emmet yell and with a quick glance I could tell he was just outside the door. I laughed a little and turned back to the window with my back still to Jasper and waited for him to continue.

"I will Bella, it would be a little difficult but I would do my best if that is what you truly wanted. But ONLY if that decision was made with all the REAL facts. You have been lied to Bella, no one will here will deny that. But what you BELIEVE the lies to be… The lies are all lies Bella."

"Is that supposed to make sense? Is that supposed to help? Because I am more confused now than I was five minutes ago." I said softly and glanced out the window at the mid-afternoon gloom that was Washington. My mood matched the scenery, gloomy, sad, foggy.

Jasper chuckled and I felt his hand gently squeeze my shoulder before he gently turned me around. "I know it doesn't all make sense right now and I wish I could say more, but like you we have all made promises to Edward. We promised him we would let him explain everything to you. It's not fair, I know, and I am sorry. I am sorry for everything and if you will forgive me, I will make you a promise myself…" He trailed off looking at me.

"Well…" I started then stopped to think for a second before I finished. "I guess that will all depend on the promise." I crossed my arms and looked at him waiting.

"I will promise you that if Edward doesn't tell you everything soon, I will tell you what I know and if after you know everything and you still want to leave us. I will help you." He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes I could see and as I relaxed a little I could feel the sincerity in his words.

"Ok it's a deal, but I have ONE more condition for you." I took one step back and placed my hands on my hips.

He cocked and eyebrow, smiled at me and waited for my condition.

"NO MORE MOOD CONTROL ON ME! Unless I ask for it."

He almost choked on a fit of laughter but he caught himself before he laughed out loud. "DEAL!" He stated with a huge smile on his face and extended a hand. I took his hand and he shook it once then pulled me into a hug.

He hugged me tightly for a second then released me and stepped back a little. "I truly am sorry for everything.. If I hadn't… you know… all this wouldn't have happened."

"You don't know that Jasper. It may have taken a little longer to happen but it probably still would have happened. So I don't want you to beat yourself up anymore about it. What's done is done, nothing we do now changes the past."

"No but we can try to make the future better." He finished and smiled at me. "SO what are you, me, and Emmy-Lou going to do today? Carlisle had to run to the hospital for an emergency he said he would be back shortly. We could go ask Edward for ideas.."

"NO! I don't want to talk to him right now. I don't know what is going through that thick skull of his but he really pissed me off this morning. I would like to avoid him for little while if I could."

Jasper smiled at me and nodded then asked, "SO what do you want to do? Whatever you want to do we will do."

"I want to…" I stopped when I realized I had no clue what to do. "I don't know. I haven't had a day for so long that I could do whatever I wanted and not have to worry about being spotted or killed while doing it." I paused deep in thought.

I turned back around and looked out the window. The sun was starting to push its way through the fog and I noticed it wasn't raining. I knew what I wanted to do. So I turned back around to face Jasper and found that Emmet was now standing next to him, smiling.

"I really would like to go outside for a while. Maybe use the grill and sit on the back porch. I used to love to cook, but haven't been able to. Kind of hard to cook certain things on a hot plate and the kitchen cooks in the hotels won't just let you in to use their equipment. Maybe if the rain holds off we can play some poker out on the deck? I know if the sun comes out we can't really go anywhere but we can sit in the back yard right?"

"Sounds good to us. If that is what you want to do. That's what we will do, but you are eating alone. I know I speak for Jasper too when I say this, YUCK, human food is gross. But I am totally up for some cards though. I would love to take both your money and Jaspers." Emmet smiled his cocky grin and I smiled right back.

"OH EMMY-LOU. I have been practicing. I couldn't do much while being locked up in hotel room after hotel room. Online poker has filled many lonely nights." I smiled wickedly at the both of them. "As for the food comment Emmy….isn't what I eat just a cooked version of what you eat?"

"We don't EAT the animal Bells."

"Drink.. Eat.. Either way you are consuming the animal Emmet."

"Yeah but…Well…You see….Shut up Swan." He answered pouting slightly, unable to come up with a good explanation.

"Yeah that's what I thought. I will go look and see what Esme has in the fridge for me.." I paused and looked at them. "Do you think we can run to the grocery store if I need something?"

"I think we could do that, but you have to hurry and see if there is the need to go. Alice said the sun would be out and it won't be possible to go into public after about three." Jasper paused and looked at his watch. "It's 12:30 now so… get a move on it Swan." He said jokingly and smiled at me.

I smiled at them and walked toward the door. I paused before I walked out the door wondering where Edward was at that minute. I didn't want to run into him right now. Jasper must have felt my hesitation because I felt him place a hand on my shoulder. "He is in his room. You gave him some things to think about this morning. If you don't want to see him today…. Me and Em will make sure he doesn't bother you. Right Emmet?"

"Damn straight! We some 'THUGS' Bella and we got yo back!" He turned the ball cap he had on to the back and crossed his arms and leaned back just a little. He had some goofy look on this face, he looked like he was trying to look tuff and serious, and for someone who didn't know him… it would have looked intimidating as hell. But I knew better and I started laughing. I was laughing so hard my sides hurt.

"You laughing at me? I will bust a cap in yo ass!" He said and it just made me laugh harder. I heard both of them chuckle at the sight of me doubled over laughing. I was laughing to hard there were tears running down my cheeks and I was pretty sure I had peed on myself just a little. Great now I had to change and try to find something from the massive closet to wear.

"OK boys I know you have been given instructions to not leave me alone… BUT I have to get ready and I would love to take a super quick shower now." I said turning around to face them wiping tears from my eyes from laughing so hard and then walked back into the room towards the closet.

"Um Alice set out a few outfit choices on the counter in the bathroom. She also laid out some pajamas for you on your nightstand." Jasper smiled at me and shrugged, "Alice." He simply said.

"OK I will be downstairs in twenty minutes."

"Is that possible?" They both asked at the same time with a look of shock on their faces.

"Is what possible?" I asked confused.

"To take a shower and still be completely ready to go into public in only twenty minutes?" Emmet said with a look of wonder on his face.

I started laughing again, "Um yeah. I have never been one to worry about all the makeup and hair crap. Give me jeans, a tee, and a ponytail and I am ready."

"WOW! Hopefully you will rub off on Alice and Rose?" Em said.

"YEAH I don't think that will happen." I said with a snort. "I would be willing to bet that Alice would be highly upset with me for even thinking about leaving the house without full makeup and perfect hair and lord forbid I didn't have on the 'perfect' outfit."

"We won't tell if you don't!" Jasper said with a smirk.

"Deal!" I replied. Now we just had to hope Alice didn't 'see'.

"Ok Bella-Boo. I am going to time this, if you can do it in fifteen I will buy you a new iPod tomorrow!" Emmet said as he grabbed Jasper's hand and looked at the watch. "Your time starts now!"

I shook my head and walked out the door toward the bathroom.

In exactly ten minutes I had taken a shower, washed my hair, and had my bra and panties on. I looked at the clothes Alice had laid out and shook my head. There were three different dresses, all pretty but I am not dress kind of person if I could help it and Alice wasn't here, so I could help it. The next outfit was a pair of jeans and some frilly pink top. The other was a simple pink short sleeved shirt and a pair dressy pants. I knew Alice would get mad when she saw my decision but she wasn't here. So I took the pair of jeans and pulled them on then grabbed the simple pink top and pulled it on. There was a pair of sandals on the floor and I slipped them on and ran a brush through my wet hair. I twisted it and secured it with one of those claw, claspy looking things. Glance back at the mirror, nodded and walked out the door and downstairs.

"I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! Fourteen minutes…. How is that possible Jasper? What do our women do that takes so damn long? For the love of GOD they are Vampires….they don't need to shower and they don't sleep. What takes so long?" Jasper just shrugged disbelievingly either not knowing what to say or unable to talk. I didn't know and the look on their faces was priceless. I started laughing again.

"You owe me an iPod Emmy-Lou." I stated simply and walked past them into the kitchen.

I walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door and peered in. I had a craving for steak, baked potato, and a salad. The salad was covered. There were more veggies in the fridge than one person could ever find in a grocery store. Some I had never seen before and therefore had no idea what to do with it. I shook my head and closed the door. All I needed was some sour cream for the potato and a steak. Emmet said they had some charcoal in the garage. For what I don't know and I didn't ask.

"OK I just need a couple things. I am ready whenever you are." I said and turned around to look at them. Emmet offered me his arm and I took it and we walked out to the garage.

Emmet led me over to his jeep and opened the door to the back seat. Before I could attempt to climb up into the huge monstrosity, I felt him pick me up and set me in the seat. He stepped up and started to help buckle me in.

"Emmet I am not two. I think I can fasten a seat belt."

"Yeah I know, but I just need to be sure you are safe. Rose would have my balls on the mantle if something happened to you. So deal with it please, I would like to keep them." He replied with a smirk.

I just laughed at the thought of Rose kicking his ass and let him finish. Jasper climbed in the back seat with me and closed his door. Emmet finished buckling me in and closed the door. As soon as I had heard the door shut I heard Emmet open the door and get in behind the wheel. He started the engine, opened the garage door and backed out closing the door behind us.

Moments later we were barreling toward the store in Forks. I sat back and looked out the window. Everything looked blurry because of the speed we were traveling at. It felt like no more than two minutes had past when we were pulling into the parking lot of the store.

I started to unbuckle when I felt Jasper place his hand on mine and I stopped and looked at him. "Please stay close. We get in and get what you need and we get out. No point in pushing our luck." It scared me a little and I hesitated. "Bella there is no reason to be scared. NO ONE will touch you, that is a guarantee." I nodded and jumped a little as Emmet opened my door.

"What you can attack me… but a door opening scares you?" Emmet looked at me in mock disbelief. I just flipped him the bird and unbuckled the seat belt. He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me out of the jeep and set me on the ground.

He offered me his arm again as he shut the door. I took it and we walked toward the store. Jasper met us at the front of the jeep. He walked slightly in front of us as we entered the store.

"I get to push the cart!" Emmet exclaimed as he dropped my arm and ran as fast as he could with out looking suspicious to grab a cart. I rolled my eyes at him and ignored him as I stopped next to Jasper.

"He is a unique individual." I said to Jasper as I stepped to his side. He smiled down at me and offered me his arm. I didn't know if they were just being polite or if they felt more secure by having me secured to them in some way, either way I took his arm. I was a klutz it was probably a good idea to hold onto something anyway.

"You can say that again." Jasper replied with a smirk.

"You wanna ride in the cart Bella-Boo?" Emmet smiled bouncing excitedly in front of me.

"UM NO! I believe I can walk thank you." I said giggling at him.

"AWWW party pooper. Your loss. Lead the way then." He said with a little bow.

I rolled my eyes and we started toward the meat department.

We made it about halfway when I heard my name.

"Bells is that you?" I stopped and turned there was Jacob Black.

"It is you! I heard you were in town!"

I was confused, as far as I knew the Cullen's were the only ones that knew I was here and that's just because they kidnapped me from my dad's house. "Where did you hear that?" I questioned him.

"Oh… ahhh… I heard it through the grape vine. How the hell are you loca?" He said as he walked toward us. I glanced up at Jasper and I knew he was confused too. I knew then that the Cullen's hadn't told ANYONE that I was in town. I shook my head ignoring it for the moment. Jacob and his family had been friends with me and my dad for as long as I could remember, they wouldn't hurt me.

"I….I am ok, all things considered. You?" I answered politely as Emmet came to my other side.

Jacob smiled broadly and replied. "I am good. It's so good to see you. We should get together and catch up!"

I nodded politely and we chatted for a few minutes. I was relieved when Jasper politely interrupted and stated we had to get going. I was feeling very uncomfortable for some reason. I figured it was because I was being sandwiched between two vampires and talking to a werewolf in the middle of the meat department of the grocery store.

Jake gave me his number and we walked away.

We quickly got what I needed, checked out, and headed home.

"So you going to go out with the dog?" Emmet asked as he pulled the jeep onto the road and looked back at me.

I simply flipped him off and looked out the window. This just made him start laughing, and he laughed harder when I blushed.

We arrived home a few minutes later. Emmet pulled the jeep into the garage and hit the button to shut it behind him. He was at my door opening it before the engine fully shut off.

I yelped in surprise as reached in and unbuckled my seatbelt. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, laughing. Jasper followed us carrying the groceries shaking his head.

A few minutes later I had my steak marinating and we were sitting on the deck in the sun dealing the cards.

We laughed and talked and I took their money. After a couple hours of taking said money, I announced that wanted to start my dinner.

"I think we need to run to the bank and get some more money anyway." Jasper joked. Emmet grumbled a little, annoyed that I was beating him.

"Emmy now you owe me an iPod AND a hundred bucks." I said teasingly. Jasper laughed out loud and Emmet flipped me the bird and stalked off towards the garage to get the charcoal.

Emmet started the grill while I got everything else ready. Less than a hour later I was sitting down on the back deck eating the best steak I had ever had. Emmet could say human food was gross but the boy could grill a mean steak.

After I was done I carried the dishes into the house and washed them. It didn't take long before I was sitting back down at the table on the deck. The sun was just starting to set and from where we sat it looked beautiful. The day had turned out to be pretty nice and I sighed contently and watched the sunset.

Gold, fuchsia, and blue danced across the sky as I looked off across the yard. Something caught my eye. It was far off, barely a speck on the horizon. I leaned forward in my chair trying to get a better look, just as Edward burst out the back door.

Emmet and Jasper started to protest his presence but something in his eyes made them stop.

"Get Bella in the house and stay with her Emmet. DO NOT LET HER OUT OF YOUR SIGHT! Call Carlisle and tell him he needs to get home. Jasper with me." He looked deadly serious and determined.

Jasper didn't say a word he just rose and followed Edward off the deck and down the back yard.

Before I could say anything Emmet had picked me up and carried me upstairs to my room. He set me down and closed the door behind us. He quickly walked over to the window and started to stare in the direction Edward and Jasper had headed. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and was dialing Carlisle's number as I started to shake. Something told me this wasn't good.

"Emmet what's going on?" I asked as I crossed the room. He held one finger up in a gesture saying I should hold on one minute. Then he held his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me to him and wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a one armed hug and rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Emmet is Bella ok? What's going on?" I heard Carlisle say when he answered the phone.

"Bella is fine. It's Victoria.. she was here. Not close but she was here. Edward and Jasper went after her. You need to come home, NOW."

"I am on my way." Was all he said and Emmet snapped the phone closed and put it back into his pocket. He wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me in a little tighter as I started to cry.


	14. CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

"Bella. Bella look at me!" Emmet stepped back and lifted my chin. "There is no need for tears and you definitely don't need to be scared. Nothing is going to happen. If she really wanted to try something today she would have been closer than she was. We probably didn't even need to come in the house but you know Edward, he doesn't like to take chances."

At that moment his phone rang and he answered it turning his back to me and facing the window. I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying, my head was spinning. Fear is a bitch and if you have never been TRULY scared for your life you can not possibly grasp what it does to you. My heart was racing, my head spinning, and my chest felt so tight it was hard to breath.

I tried to think clearly and it wasn't easy. I stood there frozen for a moment. The only thought that was going through my head was 'Victoria is here'. I knew it wouldn't take her long to find me once I stopped moving but the reality of the situation hit me hard. I started to panic.

If Victoria was here then I need to get the hell out of HERE. Emmet was distracted talking to someone on the phone, he never flinched as I walked to the closet and grabbed my bag from the corner. There was still a change of clothes in it along with my credit cards, laptop, and photos.

I stepped out of the closet and slowly walked towards the door to the room. I figured if I was going to try to get out of here without interference I had to do it before Carlisle got home and Emmet was distracted.

"Edward she is fine just try to concentrate on catching that bitch." I heard him say and I said a little prayer of thanks that he wasn't talking to Alice.

That exact moment I heard the house phone ring, and there was my opportunity.

"Emmet I am going to go answer that. There is a phone in the hall right?" I glanced at him and he nodded.

He took his phone away from his ear for a second and held it to his chest in an attempt to keep Edward from hearing, "Just stay upstairs ok? I didn't shut the garage door when I got your charcoal earlier. She isn't anywhere close to us anymore but I don't want to take a chance."

I nodded solemnly and opened the door to the room and stepping into the hall. I closed the door gently behind me as the phone rang again. I walked the few steps and picked up the cordless phone that sat on a table in the hallway, looked at the caller ID. Alice.

I needed a few minutes to get out and I knew Emmet would get suspicious if the phone kept ringing. So hit the answer button and as soon as the call connected I could hear Alice yelling at me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered so quietly into the phone I knew Emmet hadn't heard, then sat the phone back down on the table.

"She is heading north huh? Towards the ocean trying to get away….." I heard Emmet say. Still talking to Edward, good. But it wouldn't take Alice long to realize I wasn't still on the phone so I had to move, and move fast.

I walked as quickly and quietly as I could down the stairs and opened the door that lead to the garage. I said another thank you as I saw the garage door still opened, just as Emmet had said it was.

My only other problem was that MY car was still at Charlie's house. Alice told me that they had pulled the car into the garage so no one would see it. So I had to get to Charlie's house to get my car.

There were only two cars in the garage. Emmet's jeep and Edward's Vanquish. Carlisle had his car and the girls had taken Edward's Volvo hunting.

I knew I couldn't get into Emmet's jeep without help so that left Edward's Vanquish. He was going to be pissed but I had no other choice. I had to get out now.

I prayed and prayed they still kept the keys in the cabinet by the door. I slowly and silently opened the cabinet and there was my ticket out. The keys to Edward's pride and joy. I once asked why they would keep the keys where anyone could get them. I was told that they sometimes needed to move a car around for whatever reason so they kept keys where they could get them easily. I guess someone breaking into a house full of Vampires and driving off with one of their cars must not have been something they were worried about. I laughed to myself because I knew that that would change as soon as Edward got home and found out that apparently I wasn't opposed to grand theft auto.

I quietly grabbed the keys and jogged over to the car and got in. I held my breath as I started it. I was terrified that Emmet would hear the car start, but the I figured he would probably think it was just Carlisle getting home.

I put the car into reverse and pulled out of the garage. After I was turned in the right direction to be heading down the drive I slowly pressed the gas petal not wanting to make anymore noise than was necessary, knowing if I made to much Emmet would come investigate. The car glided down the driveway toward the road.

I exhaled loudly as soon as I turned out of the driveway and onto the main road. I stomped the gas petal to the floor and the car took off. It was like riding on air. The only noise was the almost silent purr of the engine. The scenery was nothing but a blur as I drove towards Charlie's house. I glanced at the speedometer and noticed I was going more than a hundred miles a hour and I still had half a petal to go. I pressed it a little harder urging it to go faster.

Moments later I was pulling in front of Charlie's house. It was now fully dark and I really hoped that Victoria was still heading for the ocean to get away.

I put the car in park and grabbed my bag that I had thrown in the passenger seat. I opened it and grabbed a pen and a scrap of paper from the depths of the bag.

_I'm sorry. The keys are in the garage. Thank you. I love you all. B_

I scrawled quickly and messily. I locked the doors and hoped that the crime rate in Forks hadn't went up since I had left, but I didn't have time to dwell. I was sure that by now Emmet knew I was gone, if not it wouldn't be long, so I didn't have the time to worry about it.

I had to get as far away from Victoria as I possibly could, as fast as I could. I didn't want to take a chance of someone else getting hurt because of me. I know the Cullen's are strong vampires but so was Victoria. All it would take is one false move and she might kill one of them and I wasn't going to take that chance. She would follow me I was sure and leave them alone.

I tucked the note under the windshield wiper of the car, after I got out and shut the door behind me. Trying to make as little noise as possible I made my way toward the garage. I dug my keys out of my bag as I walked.

I walk up to the side of the garage to the door and put the key in, turned it, and opened the door. There was my car. Backed into the small space in the garage, facing the garage door. Once inside the garage, I closed the door behind me trying to be quiet. I walked over to my car and unlocked the doors and reached in and started the engine. Leaving the door open and the car running I walked back to the door and pressed the button to open the door and set Edward's keys on the ledge by the door. I was sure they would find them.

While the door was slowly opening I ran back to my car and got in, buckled up, locked the doors, and put it in drive waiting. I tapped impatiently on the wheel until the door was open all the way.

I pressed on the gas and started to move forward.

When I was about halfway out of the garage I saw a shadow and movement to my right. My heart leapt from my chest to my throat and I let out a stifled scream. I started to gun it when a HUGE black animal stepped in front of my car.

I slammed on the brakes and froze. I didn't know what to do. Upon closer inspection I realized it was Sam, the Alpha from Jake's pack.

I cracked the window just enough I was sure he could hear me and still not be able to reach in and get me.

"Sam it's just me Bella. You have to move I need to go, NOW!"

He cocked his huge head and I knew he understood me but then he shook his head just a little.

I was terrified and a little mad. If I didn't get out of here fast I was going to run the chance of Victoria doubling back or the Cullen's showing up and taking me back to their house.

I rolled the window down just a little more and yelled again.

"DAMN IT SAM I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! FUCKING MOVE!" I saw a few more pairs of eyes peek out from the woods across the street and noticed there were a few more of the pack across the street, but none were the russet color of Jake. I revved the engine and Sam didn't flinch.

I started to panic. I remembered someone saying something about Victoria not working alone and the thought crossed my mind that maybe the wolves were working with her. I eased the break up a little and the car slowly moved forward, I didn't want to hurt him but I hoped the car moving would make him move enough that I could get through.

No such luck. Sam took one giant step forward as soon as the car moved a fraction of an inch and pressed his chest against the front of the car and laid his head on the hood. Seconds later there were two more wolves, both grey, doing the same. I felt the car stop. I rolled up my window and started to shake. I pressed down on the gas a little more and fully released the brake. The car didn't budge, not an inch. The tires just kept spinning and spinning.

I let up off the gas and tried to think. I saw a flicker of movement to my left, and I hit the gas again. I pushed the petal to the floor. The tires did nothing but spin, it was like I was stuck on a sheet of ice.

Sam's gaze flickered slightly in the direction of the movement and he let out what sounded like a yip. All three wolves took one step back and the car moved forward. My door was now all the way out of the garage and I could see something big coming toward me.

Before I could put the car in reverse and try to get back into the garage my door was ripped open and flung across the yard.

I screamed and tried to jump across the seat and get out the passenger side door. Something cold grasped my ankle and held it. I felt the car being put into park and then heard the keys being pulled from the ignition and tossed across the yard in the same direction of the door.

I screamed again and reached for the passenger door. I began kicking my free foot at my attacker and trying to pull my other ankle free. I felt a slight tug and I began sliding back towards the open door. I began kicking harder and started to swing both hands, broken or not I was desperate.

I felt another hand wrap around my other ankle and pull. I slid out of the car and landed on my ass on the pavement. I screamed again as I felt someone grab my arms and lift so I was standing. I kept fighting and trying to get away. I may be about to die but I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

I was spun around and my back was against my attacker and two arms wrapped around me tightly, trapping me. I tried kicking my feet but it was futile. They were only connecting with shins and feet, causing no pain to whoever had me.

I tried screaming again but it stuck in my throat and I started sobbing. I kept my eyes shut waiting for the pain to start.

I felt something lick my face and my eyes flew open. There was Sam's nose not two millimeters from me. I froze and my heart hammered in my chest.

It was that moment I heard his voice.

"DAMN IT CARLISLE JUST GIVE IT TO ME. _I_ NEVER PROMISED NOT TO SEDATE HER! SHE IS GOING TO HURT HERSELF. NOW EITHER YOU GIVE HER THE SHOT OR GIVE ME THE DAMN THING AND I'LL DO IT!" I heard Edward scream. I couldn't breath, I was gasping for breath. Not from being held to tightly but from fear. The panic had already set in and I couldn't think straight. 'He is going to kill me for stealing his car.' was the only thing I could think of, totally irrational, I know, but I wasn't thinking clearly.

"Bella calm down and breath its just us." I heard Carlisle say from somewhere behind Edward. I felt Edward shift me so he could grab the syringe from Carlisle. I felt his grip loosen just a little and I tried to get free again.

I felt Sam place his huge head against my chest and press me into Edward just hard enough to get me to quit struggling again.

"Thank you Sam." I heard Edward say. Then I felt the sting of the needle enter my arm, then the burn from the medicine.

"I am sorry Bella…" Was the last thing I remember hearing before the medicine over took my body and once again… I drifted.

I woke a few hours later. With a quick peek I could tell I was back at the Cullen's and it was still dark. I groaned and rolled over burying my head in a pillow.

So close, I was so close to freeing the Cullen's from this drama and what happens? I am stopped by a pack of dogs. I was getting sick of not having any control over my life. I was REALLY tired of other people making my decisions for me.

I rolled back over and sat up.

"SHE IS AWAKE!" I heard Esme say from somewhere close, the room was pitch black so I couldn't see her. She could see me though I was sure.

Moments later the door was flung open and in came Rose and Alice.

"If I was you I would pretend to fall back to sleep." Rose said as she entered with a snicker.

"I think if Edward was smart he would calm down before he came in here, he isn't going to get anywhere with Bella when he is this pissed." Alice replied to Rose as if I wasn't there.

"Bella are you ok? What were you thinking?" I heard Esme as she sat on the edge of my bed.

It felt like I was waking up from a bad dream, only to realize it wasn't a dream. "She would have followed me…. You guys shouldn't be taking risks just for me… I panicked… Her being this close…. I had to get away." I mumbled, slightly irritated. I felt like I was five and I got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar before dinner.

My irritation deepened when Edward walked into the room and flipped on the light. Jasper, Emmet, Carlisle and Sam following him.

I watched Alice lean over and whisper to Rose, "Oh this is going to get good." She then grabbed Rose's hand and they walked over to the wall getting out of the Edward's way.

"THAT WAS JUST PLAIN FUCKING STUPID BELLA!" Edward yelled at me as he entered the room and stalked over to the bed. "What would you have done if Victoria had been there waiting? If it was a trap? It was stup.."

I was off the bed before he finished the word. I walked straight up to him and poked him in the chest. "If you call me stupid ONE more fucking time Cullen, I will pay someone to beat your ass." I said as calmly as I possibly could, my voice shaking with rage.

"I didn't call you stupid. Just your actions." He replied without apology.

"You have no right Edward. If I want to walk out that fucking door right now, what gives you the right to say otherwise?" I said pointing at the door and stomping my foot, I might as well act like I was five if I was getting treated like it. " I am an adult Edward. I CHOOSE what I want to do. Not anyone else and ESPECIALLY not you. I don't need your consent or your blessing. As far as I am concerned you can KISS MY ASS!" I turned around and started to walk back toward the bed. I stopped halfway and turned back around. "You have a tendency to make decisions for everyone around you, but I am NOT everyone else. Last time I checked…. You weren't my father, my boyfriend, or even a friend… and I didn't have to listen to you."

With that I walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge and crossed my arms over my chest. I know it sounded a little petty but I didn't care.

"Bella…" He started to say something but I held my hand up and interrupted him.

"I REALLY don't want to hear it right now Edward. I refuse to talk to you if you are going to treat me like a child, and until you can respect that… .." He didn't try to say another word, but instead or leaving the damn room he just turned around and walked over to the window and looked out. Not saying a word.

"NOW for everyone else. I am sorry. I panicked, I am so used to running every time she gets close. I wasn't thinking clearly. All I kept thinking was that if she is here, then I needed to be somewhere else. I don't want something to happen to any of you."

"Bella do you think that she would have actually gotten to you with me here?" Emmet asked as he stepped forward and picked me up off the bed and hugging me tightly. "You scared the shit out of me. I thought she somehow doubled back and got you. PLEASE Bella don't try that shit ever again." He looked both scared and hurt. I instantly felt bad for taking off on him, so I hugged him back. "I would have went with you if you would have just said something."

"I know Em and I am sorry." I said and I noticed that my wrist was throbbing. I winced and let him go and stepped back rubbing just above the cast.

"Let me take a look?" Carlisle asked as he stepped forward. I nodded as I held my arm up so he could look.

"She hit it a few times on the steering wheel when she flipped out." I heard Edward say but I just ignored him.

Instead I looked at Sam who was still standing in the doorway with an amused expression on his face. "Why were you there Sam?" I asked trying to ignore the pain in my wrist as Carlisle examined it.

He smiled and said, "Alice called while we were patrolling. The town hasn't hired a new police chief yet so a few of us have been watching things to make sure they don't get out of hand."

"But you were in wolf form… how did you answer a phone?" I asked confused and slightly suspicious.

He let out a chuckle then taped his ear. "Bluetooth. Auto Answer, Emily is due any day now. I keep it on me now. I put the phone in a pocket of my shorts and strap them to my leg." He explained with a huge smile. "I wouldn't have interfered Bella but about a day before your dad was killed, he called me. It was like he knew something was going to happen." He paused for a moment his face falling. "He said that if something happened to him and you showed up I was to take you to the Cullen's. He said that if you were with the Cullen's I was supposed to make sure you stayed there until it was safe. I don't know how much or what he knew, I never got the chance to ask. But he trusted the Cullen's with your life."

I felt the tears spring into my and pain shot up my arm as Carlisle pressed on my arm. "I think you may have pulled some muscles in your forearm. Its going to hurt like hell whenever you bump it but it's not broken anymore than it was beforehand. I am glad you are safe and home sweetheart." Carlisle pulled me into a hug and I cried little harder.

"Bella now that you are safe and I know you are ok. I need to get back to patrolling, Jared and Quil are waiting outside." Sam said stepping forward and pulling me into a hug and whispered into my ear, "Your dad loved you very much Bella and he wanted nothing more than you to be safe and happy, and he believed you could be both here with the Cullen's."

With that he hugged me tighter just for a second then said goodbye to everyone else and he left.

I suddenly felt tired again. I guess the drugs weren't totally out of my system yet and I yawned.

"OK everyone Bella needs to go back to bed now. She may have had a long day, but she isn't going to get out of shopping that easily! So EVERYONE OUT so she can get some rest." Alice said as she came back across the room toward me.

Carlisle stepped back up to me and asked, "Can I get you a mild pain killer for your arm. Nothing that will be to strong but something a little stronger than Tylenol? It will help take the edge off the pain."

I nodded knowing what he said was the truth plus my arm was hurting like hell.

"I will go with you Carlisle and bring it back to her." Rose said and followed Carlisle out the door.

"We all love you Bella-Boo. I am glad you are safe and back home. I know you don't want to hear it but I am glad Edward stopped you." With that Emmet gave me a hug, kissed my forehead then left the room.

"Welcome home AGAIN Bella. I think I would have tried to run to if Alice was making me go shopping tomorrow too." Jasper gave me a quick hug and a wink.

"OHHHH Jasper, just for that you are going with tomorrow. Not so funny now is it?" Alice said with a smirk.

Jasper simply rolled his eyes and said, "I guess we can suffer together, Bella. I will see you in the morning." Then he walked out the door.

Esme came up and gave me a hug and kissed my forehead then turned and walked out the room after Jasper.

Edward walked toward me and pulled me into a hug before I could protest. "Bella please don't do that again. I couldn't live anymore if something happened to you." With that he placed a kiss on my cheek and left me standing there unsure how to feel.

Rose reappeared with two pain pills and a bottle of water. I took the pills and downed the whole bottle of water.

"OK SWAN, BED. Now…." I gave her a look showing that I didn't want to be pushed right now so she added, "Please?" She thrust her lip out pouting.

Rose laughed and I just shook my head and climbed back into bed.

The last thing I remember was Alice bending over and placing a kiss on my cheek and saying, "You will understand everything tomorrow. You will see." Rose switched off the lights and walked out the door as Alice climbed into bed with me.

I was thankful she didn't leave me alone, as much as it bothered me not to be trusted to be left alone, I was happy she stayed.

Somewhere downstairs I heard Edward start playing my lullaby as I drifted back to sleep.

* * *

A/N Reviews make me smile! (:


	15. CHAPTERFOURTEEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I woke the next morning smelling cinnamon rolls and coffee. A smell I hadn't smelled in a really long time. A little over three years now if I remembered correctly. I had made them for breakfast for Charlie, the day I took off. It was the last thing I had ever cooked for him. I felt my chest tighten a little as I struggled not to start crying.

So much had happened yesterday and it made me a little scared to open my eyes today. Today I would truly have to face everyone… including Edward. I was sure he was pissed at me for stealing his car and I was a little surprised that that hadn't come up last night while I was screaming at him for treating me like a child.

Then I remembered that Alice had said something about going shopping today and I groaned. I so didn't feel like doing that today. Maybe I could pretend I was asleep and get out of it. No such luck.

"Bella I know you are awake. Quit faking it and get your butt up we have shopping to do today!" I heard Alice say and when I still didn't move I felt her climb into the bed. Seconds later it felt like I was being bounced on a trampoline. I opened my eyes wide at the feeling. Sure enough there was Alice jumping on the bed besides me. When she saw me looking at her, she smiled and flopped down to her knees. She sat like that bouncing with excitement and I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"OK Alice I am awake, can you just sit still for a minute?" I said and I leaned forward placing my hand on her knee in an attempt to still her.

"Go take a shower, your breakfast is about done I am told. That way after you are done eating we can get you ready and get moving. There is a huge shoe sale at my favorite store so I want to get there as soon as possible."

"What time is it Alice?" I asked as I flipped back the covers, pain shooting up my arm. I guess Carlisle was right, it was going to hurt. I rubbed my arm trying to get it to stop throbbing but no such luck. I wondered how many times I had hit it last night.

"You actually ended up cracking the cast. Carlisle took a little closer look last night after you had went back to sleep. He had to take the old on off and he put a new one on. That one goes up a little further, but you should thank me. If Edward would have gotten his way that thing would be up past your shoulder and you wouldn't be able to move it at all." She pointed at my cast as she spoke. "I will have someone bring you a pain pill with breakfast. Nothing to strong though sorry. We can't have you falling asleep when we have shoes to buy!"

With that she was off the bed and wrapping my arm so I could take a shower. I don't know what I would have done if I had done this when I wasn't with the Cullen's. I couldn't even fasten my jeans without help, or tie my shoes.

"Wait why was Edward even in here again last night?" I asked as she wrapped.

"Because he was trying to be a stubborn ass. He didn't think it was a good idea to go anywhere today. It took me a few hours but in the end we reached an agreement." She grabbed my good hand and pulled me up so I was standing. She pointed towards the door. "Go take a shower then we will discuss it. Yell at me when you are ready to wash your hair and I will come help you."

I nodded and started towards the door, a little surprised that she was letting me go alone. "I get to go by myself?" I just had to ask when I was halfway to the door.

"Bella there are no windows in there, so you can't scale down the side of the house. Plus all seven of us are home right now, I would bet every stitch of clothing I have or ever will buy that Edward won't let you get any where CLOSE to the door even if you still tried. Besides Edward has the keys to his Vanquish on him so if you want to take his car again you will have to ask for them. PLUS I will be watching you the whole time." She smiled deviously, tapped her temple and I flipped her off as I walked out the door towards the bathroom. I heard her start laughing as soon as I was out the door.

I stalked into the bathroom and slammed the door. Damn smart ass vampires.

I turned the water on and adjusted the temperature. When it was satisfactory I stepped back and without to much struggling I pulled the oversized t-shirt off. It wondered briefly where it came from. Figuring it really didn't matter, I tossed it on the hamper and pulled off my panties and tossed them in there too.

I walked back over to the shower and stepped in. I stood there for minute letting the water run over my sore body, it felt heavenly. I didn't realize until that moment just how sore I truly was. I felt like I had gotten my ass kicked last night and in a way I guess I did.

I grabbed my poof from the hook in the shower and put some body wash on it. It took a little maneuvering but I managed. I stood there and washed and thought about last night.

What Sam had said about Charlie wanting me to stay with the Cullen's confused me a little. When I left, Charlie and the Cullen's weren't exactly on speaking terms, Charlie was still a little pissed from the whole me running away and coming home all beat up after James attacked me. I knew Charlie didn't know about the supernatural things that made up my life and I wondered if his opinion would have changed if he knew he was wanting me to live with vampires. I smiled at the thought. Somehow I just couldn't see Charlie freaking out about the whole vampire/werewolf thing. Now Renee would have been another story, and I laughed out loud at that thought. I stood there for a minute washing various places when a thought crossed my mind. I would never be able to find out how they would have felt about it. I mean I doubted I would have ever had that talk with either of them but it was still sad. I tried not to cry about it. I tried not to think about it, but I missed them so much it hurt, but I always would. The best I could hope for is that it gets easier and hurts less to think about them.

I heard the door open then I heard Alice. "Bella are you ok? I heard you crying." Damn super hearing, I thought I was being quiet. "Bella?" I felt the shower curtain shift a little and I glanced at Alice. I held a finger up to her trying to ask for a minute to collect myself. She nodded then pointed to the edge of the tub. I sat and she helped me suds up my hair.

I stood when she was done and rinsed and as I sat back down so she could apply the conditioner, I answered her. "I was just thinking about my parents. I miss them so much Alice." My voice broke again.

"I know Bella but it will get easier. You have to remember the good times and keep them in your heart, then they will never truly be gone." She soothed. After a few minutes of me sitting there she continued. "Bella rinse off and get out of there. Your breakfast is done."

I took a deep breath and Alice pulled the curtain back closed as I stood and rinsed off again.

When I was done I turned the water off and Alice handed me a towel. I wrapped it around me and stepped carefully out of the shower. Alice helped me wrap a towel around my hair then she held out my baby blue robe for me to slip on.

Once I was done Alice took my hand and led me back to my room. I was deep in thought as she led me back. I guess I was in my own world for a second but I came crashing to earth as soon as I walked into my room.

On the table sat the biggest cinnamon roll I had ever seen and a huge cup of coffee. Standing a few feet away from the table was Edward leaning casually against the wall. I wasn't sure which one looked better. Cinnamon Roll or Edward, both were making me drool.

"Good morning beautiful. I made you breakfast." Edward said as me and Alice walked in. He gave me one of his panty dropping crooked grins and I couldn't think. My mind literally went totally blank. "What did you do with my shirt you had on?"

"Huh? Hamper." I managed shaking my head.

"Uh yeah Bella. You started having a nightmare last night while Carlisle was trying to put the new cast on, we needed you to stay still. You kept mumbling something about Edward killing you for taking his car. He sat next to you and tried to calm you down. It was like as soon as you smelled him…. You instantly calmed down. Every time he tried to move away you started crying. So he took off his shirt and I put it on you. You didn't wake up one more time." Alice smiled timidly at me.

I flushed bright red. I was embarrassed. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I hated that I talked in my sleep, and knowing that I had had an audience last night was bad. What made it worse was that the only way they could get me to calm down was to make Edward give me the shirt of his back.

"I didn't think you would have been to happy to wake up and have him curled up with you, the shirt was the lesser of two evils I thought. I saw it," Alice said taping her head again, "You would have had a fit if he was in here when you woke up and you have had enough stress for a few life times."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me was embarrassed the rest was mortified. I have been trying for so long to seem like I didn't need Edward and there was the proof that I did. He calmed me, he centers me, he makes me feel safe but I wasn't ready to admit that. I was a little angry too. I mean as I slept I had at least three vampires watching and talking about me and making more decisions for me.

I opened my mouth to say something and Alice clamped a hand over my mouth. "Nope please just eat. None of us meant any harm. We just wanted you to feel better. Please don't be mad?" There was that damn pout and I groaned in defeat. I started walking towards the table as Alice smiled and kissed my cheek. I just tried to ignore Edward, I was entirely to embarrassed by my sleeping behavior to make eye contact. He noticed and started chuckling to himself.

Before I could say anything he pushed himself off the wall and started walking towards me. I felt my heart begin hammering in my chest and he smiled as he heard it. "Bella love let's get one thing straightened up right now. I wasn't mad you took my car. In fact here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a car key and took my hand and placed it in my palm. I gave him a confused look and he continued. "It's a copy of the key to the Vanquish. What's mine is yours always has been. You didn't need to steal them and your fears of me being mad or hurting you over it, WAY off base. I could care less if that car disappeared. You on the other hand, I couldn't handle it again. I love you Bella and I need to know you are safe. You might not believe me right now, but I will prove it to you. I want, no need to make sure you are safe." I just stood there my hand still resting in his as he swept a lock of hair that had fallen out of the towel back behind my ear.

"I can't take this." I said as my senses came back to me a little and I tried to hand the key back to him.

"Keep it until we can get you a new car. Yours got a little trashed last night." He smiled a timid little smile at me and wrapped my hand around the key before covering it with his other hand. He didn't say another word for a second, he just looked into my eyes. Then he simply raised my hand to his lips as I watched as he kissed it gently before he spoke again. "Eat your breakfast so you can get ready, before Alice has a fit." With that he walked out the door and I was left to stand there and wonder what the hell had just happened.

"He loves you Bella. More than you realize. But I have a feeling that will change before the day is over…" Alice said as she guided me to the table and sat me down. She walked away towards the closet as I picked up my mug of coffee and took a sip. I still couldn't process what had just happened.

"Wait what do you mean Alice? How will it change before the day is over?" I asked as my ability to think slowly started coming back.

Alice never emerged from the closet from hell, but I heard her say from somewhere in the depths. "I will NOT ruin the surprise. Just eat!" I opened my mouth to say something and she poked her head out briefly. "You can ask all you want but I won't give anything away. So save your breath and just eat." Then she disappeared again.

I sat there for a second not entirely sure what to do. Part of me wanted to scream in frustration and part of me didn't want to even think about it any further. Instead I huffed in frustration and tried to put it as far from my mind as possible. It left me feeling a little irritated. I was getting sick of secrets, especially ones that involved me.

I began munching on the cinnamon roll. With my first bite I moaned, out loud. A loud porno like moan. It was freaking insanely good. "There is no way he made this." I said mostly to myself.

"If you hurry and go check out the trash in the kitchen you would know he did make that." I heard Emmet from the door and I jumped a little at the sound of his voice.

"Huh?" I didn't get it. How would me checking out the trash can prove Edward cooked?

"He threw out like six batches before it "smelled" right, or some shit. I watched him, it was hilarious!" Emmet said with a chuckle.

"Before it smelled right?" I asked

"Yeah he said he remembered what they smelled like from the last time you made them. It just took him a few tries to get it right." Emmet explained with a huge grin.

Edward remembered what my cinnamon rolls smelled like? I was shocked into silence. My mind was reeling.

"Ok Emmet out and go get ready." I heard Rose say from behind Emmet.

"I don't want to go to the mall babe." He answered whining with a full on pout.

"That won't work on me Emmet Cullen. You and I had an understanding. Bella gets hurt and you get it. Bella was hurt, it wasn't your fault, if Edward hadn't been on the phone distracting you I am sure Bella wouldn't have gotten to the front door, but fact remains she was hurt. So since it wasn't entirely your fault… your punishment is going shopping with us. You can carry bags." Rose said with a smirk.

Emmet sighed in defeat. "I think I would rather have you kick my ass."

"Edward and Jasper are going too. You will have company, so get over it." I heard Alice say as she emerged from the closet. Emmet stuck his tongue out at her and walked out the door to go get ready. He pulled the door closed behind him.

"Why is Edward going?" I couldn't help but ask. I was kind of wanting a little time to process what had happened between us this morning, but I guess if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all.

"Sorry Bella. That was one the only way he would let us go without raising a bigger fit than was entirely necessary. He said there were some things he needed to take care of while he was at the mall anyway. So…are you done?" She said both ending the subject and the conversation.

I was beginning to wonder if it was possible to actually be irritated to death. I doubted it just as fast as I thought it, I couldn't get that lucky.

I looked back at my cinnamon roll and realized it was gone. So let the torture begin I thought as I nodded to Alice.

"Finally!" She said excitedly. "Ok Rose you do her hair while I work on her makeup. I want it pulled up. Maybe a French twist or a bun…. With lots of loose curls. Oh and take this Bella." Alice handed me a pain pill. I secretly hoped it would knock me out, at least for a while… again no such luck.

"Yes Alice I saw the pictures you left me under my bedroom door." Rose smiled at me while rolling her eye before she picked up a brush and the hair dryer and took my hair down out of the towel.

Forty-five minutes and a second cup of coffee later they finished. I don't know how TWO vampires working as fast as they possibly could.. Could still take forty-five minutes to do my hair and make-up. I now understood why Emmet and Jasper were amazed I could be ready to go in fifteen.

Alice pulled me impatiently out of the chair and pointed to the clothes she had set on my bed. I walked over to the bed and picked up the ice blue panties, then put them on, with minimal pain. I untied the robe and pulled it off, with my back to Rose and Alice. I pulled the matching bra on and adjusted it so my boobs were covered and glanced over my shoulder. Alice skipped over and helped me fasten it. The thing made my boobs look huge and it gave me lots of cleavage.

Alice grabbed the faded blue jeans from the bed and held them for me. I stepped into them and Alice helped me pull them up. They were a little tight but they were comfortable too. She helped me get the shirt on without messing up my hair or makeup.

The shirt was long sleeved and the same color as my bra and panties. It was low cut showing off my newly found cleavage. I felt a little exposed but forgot about it when Alice handed me a pair of what most would call 'hooker boots', they had a little heal and were really pretty. I was a little scared of the heals on them, they weren't huge or anything but if she wanted me to walk all day I just didn't know.

"They are more comfortable than they look, you will be fine." Alice assured me as she helped me pull the things on. When we finished Alice offered me a hand and I stood carefully unsure of the shoes. Surprisingly they were really comfortable. I knew I wouldn't have any problems walking in them all day as long as I didn't stumble and twist my ankle or break my neck.

Alice still holding my hand pulled me over to the full length mirror that hung on the door of the closet. I almost didn't recognize myself. I had to hand it to Alice I looked amazing. Most of the mornings irritation was all but forgotten.

"OK now we are ready to go. You look hot Bella!" Alice said and Rose nodded in agreement. Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door.

"Wait I need my cards." I said and I tried to stop.

"No you don't. If you have them you will want to pay for things and if you pay you get an opinion… You can pay next time. This one is on us." Alice explained quickly never stopping, Rose just laughed at Alice and shrugged her shoulders.

Before I could say anything else, we were in the hall and I felt Rose grab one arm and Alice grab the other and lift me gently off the ground. "We are not taking chances with you walking down stairs. You have enough problems with walking on flat surfaces." Before I could say anything we were at the bottom of the stairs and I was being set down.

We walked to the garage where the guys were waiting. As we walked in my eyes locked with Edwards briefly. His mouth fell open as he looked at me. "Perfect.." I heard Alice mutter to herself.

"Damn Bella you clean up nice." Emmet said and Jasper nodded in agreement. Edward still hadn't said anything. He just stood there staring at me. I felt slightly self conscious. I didn't know what to say or do.

"Bella. You, Me, and Jasper are going to ride with Edward. Rose and Emmet will follow us." Alice said as she broke the silence and started pulling me toward the Volvo.

"What about Carlisle and Esme? Everyone else is going why not them?" I asked stalling. I didn't really want to be stuck in a car with no where to run for the long trip to Seattle.

"Quit stalling Swan. Esme has errands to run and Carlisle has to be at the hospital at noon." I gave up and walked towards the car. I reached for the backseat door at the same time that Edward opened the front seat door.

"Sit in the front with me, please?" Edward asked me and before I could say anything Jasper and Alice quickly jumped into the backseat. Fucking traitors. I sighed in defeat and climbed into the front seat and Edward smiled at me as he shut the door. I was just finishing buckling my seatbelt when Edward got into the car and started it. I scooted as far away from him as I could as he took a deep breath.

"God you still smell so amazing. Better now maybe." He said with a little grin. I ignored him. "How is your arm feeling? You hit it a lot last night."

"Well maybe if you had just said 'Bella it's me don't freak.' instead of just ripping the door off and grabbing me?" I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and when I saw him smile at me with that sexy grin I looked back out the window.

He didn't answer for a minute. He placed his arm across the back of my seat as he backed out of the garage, but he didn't remove it when he finished. I glanced at him again unable to stop myself. He smiled again. Damn Vampire.

"I guess I should have done that, but I wasn't thinking to clearly. Besides now I have a reason to buy you a car. Something I have wanted to do for a LONG time. Ever since that you drove that rusty red death trap."

"Don't hate the truck." I grumbled.

We drove for a little while in silence. I just looked out the window and enjoyed the silence and scenery.

"How about some music?" Edward asked as he pulled out his IPOD and set it on the dock.

"OH yeah Jasper help me remember to make Emmet buy me a new one. He OWES me." I said as I turned a little to look over my shoulder and wink at him.

"Why does Emmet owe you an IPOD?" Alice asked as Edward turned his IPOD on and began looking for a specific song.

"He bet her she couldn't take a shower and be ready to go in fifteen minutes…. He lost." Jasper explained for me chuckling slightly.

"How is that possible?" Alice asked incredulously. She look so confused as I peeked at her over my shoulder, I had to laugh out loud.

"I'll show you sometime. It may or may not have been said that you and Rose should take notes." Jasper and I burst into laughter. As Alice smacked Jasper's shoulder playfully.

Edward must have finally found the song he was looking for because the music filled the car. It was an older song it took me a second to recognize it, and I groaned to myself. Edward began to softly sing along with the song as the lyrics began.

_Here she comes, just like an angel _

_Seems like forever that she's been on my mind_

_But nothing has changed _

_She thinks I'm a waste of her time _

_There she goes, she don't know what she's missing _

_Can't she see I'll never give up the fight_

_I'll do all I can till she understands my desire_

_I'm on the outside looking in _

_Let me into your heart - oh - _

_There's nothing on earth that _

_Should keep us apart _

_I can't live without your love and affection _

_I can't face another night on my own _

_I'd give up my pride to save me from being alone _

_'Cause I can't live without your love _

_So I wait, here for an answer _

_And wonder if tomorrow will be like yesterday _

_I'll keep holding on _

_But I can't go on living this way _

_I've been on the outside looking in _

_Bring these tears to an end - oh - _

_I realize there's no use for me to pretend _

_Oh yeah I can't live without your love and affection _

_I can't face another night on my own _

_I'd give up my pride to save me from being alone _

_'Cause I can't live without your love _

_For your love... I'd put my arms around you _

_For your love... and find the strength to tell you _

_I can't live without your love and affection _

_I just can't go on this way anymore _

_As hard as I try there's one thing that I know for sure _

_I can't live without your love _

_I can't live without your love.._

I just sat there unable to talk or move. His voice was so amazing and for a while I closed my eyes and let myself believe he was singing to me. I felt the tears spring into my eyes. What I wouldn't give for him to be singing to me. I took a deep breath trying to calm down. I didn't want to think about what Alice would do if I messed up my makeup. I saw Edward's hand reach toward me a few times hesitantly but finally he just gripped the wheel harder and just drove.

No one said another word the whole ride. We just sat there and listened to the music. After about a half hour I noticed that every song that was playing was some sort of love song. It was either an I am sorry song or an I love you song. I honestly didn't know what to think. The uncomfortable silence almost made me turn it off and throw it from the window a few times, but I didn't want to owe Edward a new one. So I just stared out the window and wished I was anywhere but in the car at that moment.

By the time we pulled into the parking lot I was happy to be going shopping, just as long as I got the hell out of this car. Edward found a parking spot and pulled into it. Emmet and Rose pulled in two spots down. I reached for the door wanting to get the hell out of here.

I felt Edward grab my hand and when I looked back at him he smiled and he looked like he wanted to say something but at the last minute he changed his mind and got out of the car. I was getting frustrated. What was his problem? I really wish he would just spit it out. I sat there for a second and brooded over him. Next thing I knew my door opened. I jumped a little and looked out the door. Edward was standing there with his hand extended, offering me help getting out of the car.

I hesitated for a minute as I unbuckled my seatbelt. I considered just getting out of the car and stalking away. Then I remembered I had let Alice convince me that I should wear these damn boots and I wasn't sure if I could get out of the car without breaking my neck. I knew once I was on my feet I would be fine, it was just getting there that was the problem. So I took his hand and let him help me.

He smiled warmly at me and after I was out of the car he shut the door, still holding my hand. He leaned over to me when I was out and I felt him take a step closer. He bent his head just a little so he was close and right next to my ear. His scent swirled around me making me dizzy. My breath caught in my chest as he said. "You really do look amazing Bella."

Then he stepped back still holding my hand and bent at the waist gesturing toward the mall.

It took me a few seconds to regain my composure. He could still dazzle me after all these years and I totally didn't know how I felt about that.

I shook my head and took a deep breath and started walking, I tried to let go of Edward's hand but he wasn't letting go. "I am not going to run Edward, I would break my neck in these things." I said a little annoyed.

"I know you wouldn't run Bella, but…"

He was interrupted by Emmet. "Hell no she won't run again. She won't get away from me that easily again. The little sneak. I have my eye you Swan." He gave me a warning look and I laughed at him, I felt Edward drop my hand.

"You and every other male in this damn place." I heard him mumble so low I didn't hear the whole statement.

Alice laughed then grabbed my hand and started pulling my toward the doors. "That was my intention. Serves you right." She shot back at Edward and kept moving. She was a woman, vampire, on a mission.

I glanced back over my shoulder but all I could see was Emmet and Rose walking directly behind us. Just as Jasper came up besides Alice and took her hand. I didn't know where Edward went until I saw him come up on my right side. He stood close, careful not to bump my wrist. He didn't say a single word he just walked next to me.

I had almost forgotten he was standing there, until I heard him growl. It was loud but probably only because he was standing so close. I jumped a little at the sound and looked up at him.

His gaze fixed on a couple boys, no older than sixteen, standing by the doors. They were staring at us. The closer we got the more I noticed it wasn't everyone they were staring at, it was me. I heard another growl come from Edward I glanced back up at him, confused and a little startled. I wasn't sure what he was hearing, maybe I should be scared.

I figured it was better to just ask instead of worrying. "Edward?"

"They are thinking about doing things. Vile, disgusting, rude things. Some are a little violent." He explained with a look of complete disgust and loathing toward the boys.

"So what you are saying," I said with a quick glance back towards the offending juveniles, "Is that there are teenage boys, staring at me in these tight ass jeans and these hooker boots and they are fantasizing about having sex with me? If you are going to act like this every time someone thinks nasty thoughts about me today, you might as well go sit in the car." I said with a snort and then added, "You can thank Alice for it, because this wouldn't have been my first choice in outfits."

I heard Alice giggle as we continued walking.

As we got closer I both saw and felt Edward tense, and with a glance I saw he looked like he was about to jump on the boys. That's all we need, I thought. I could see it now… "No Mr. Officer he didn't just bite that kid and rip his dick off." Somehow I just didn't see that going over to well.

"You want me to kick their asses bro?" I heard Emmet say and I groaned. I didn't get it. UGH MEN!

"No I will do it." I heard him say and I heard enough. I had to stop this before it got WAY out of hand. So I did the first thing that came to mind.

I pulled my hand free from Alice and I saw her smile as she saw what I was about to do. I walked straight up to the little perverts. They looked a little startled at first then they both got a smug look on their faces.

"Is there a problem?" I asked them. Trying to stay calm, I couldn't loose my head right now.

"No sexy. Not unless you call that fine ass and tits of yours a problem." The boy closest to me said.

"You are either brave or fucking stupid as hell. Do you know I just probably saved you from few weeks in the hospital?" I asked them and glanced over my shoulder where Jasper had stepped in front of both Emmet and Edward and placing a hand on both of their chests.

"I would take it as long I get to do this." The other boy said and before I could do anything or say anything else, the boy stepped forward and grabbed my ass.

"OH Shit." I heard Jasper grunt and I could tell he was using everything he had to hold Edward and Emmet back.

But I didn't look back to see what was going on. I just reacted. I swung my fist but the boy that grabbed my ass moved at the last minute and I caught his friend in the jaw, busting his lip and I was pretty sure I chipped a tooth. He fell to the ground grabbing his mouth.

The boy that had grabbed me stepped forward again and this time I grabbed him by his shoulders and brought my knee up, this time I connected. I kneed the little pervert in the balls as hard as I could and he instantly fell to the ground grabbing himself.

"You fucking bitch." I heard him say and I laughed.

"I may be a bitch sweetheart but at least I don't have a broke dick. So kiss my ass." I spat back at him. I felt someone's arm go around my waist and lift me pulling me away from the idiots.

For a split second I thought about spinning around and hitting the person who had grabbed me, but before I could I realized the arm was cold and strong. "Bella it's me don't hit me too." I heard Edward chuckle into my ear.

"Maybe next time they will have a little more respect for a lady?" He said from behind me and I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or the boys.

"That bitch is nuts." I heard the kid say and I felt Edward tense.

"This "BITCH" just saved your life." I heard Edward say and I glanced back looking for the rest of them, just as Emmet and Jasper came up on either side of me and Edward. Alice and Rose came and stood in front of me. I was surrounded by pissed off vampires.

"OK GUYS THAT'S ENOUGH." I shouted trying to get everyone to calm down. This was spiraling out of control fast. I had to think fast. "Alice what time does that sale start?"

That did it. It seemed to bring them all back to their senses.

"Oh shit. It started fifteen minutes ago! Come on guys let's go!. She turned around and grabbed Jasper's hand and nudged Rose. Who promptly turned around and grabbed Emmet. Edward however was a little less enthusiastic about leaving.

After a minute more of him just staring at the two boys laying on the ground I felt him relax a little against me. He still held me tightly around the waist and when I tried to step away from him he tightened his grip a little.

"Edward it's ok. You can let me go. These two maybe stupid but I doubt they are suicidal." I glanced back at the two just to see them scramble to their feet and run off, I was surprised that there wasn't a crowd of people watching the drama unfold.

"I don't want to let you go. Besides you were worried about my reaction to the two juveniles and look at you." I didn't have to turn around to see the smile on his face, you could hear it in his voice.

"If you don't let me go and come on I will do the same to you! Ask Emmet." I heard him laugh out loud and it sounded like music.

"Well I have seen you in action. I was just lucky enough to be a little bit faster than you." Edward hugged tighter once more than he let me go.

"Faster had nothing to do with it." I told him. "I was trapped in a car the last time and I didn't know who or what had me. If I had known for sure it was a, well you know, I would have been aiming lower." I started walking away from him as he started laughing again.

I reached for the door ready to just leave his smart ass standing there, but as I reached I saw his hand dart out and grab the door before I could.

"See your just to slow." He said smiling.

"You…" I started but I heard Alice and Rose yelling at me.

"Bella come ON all the good shoes will be gone." Alice was whining.

"Yeah and unless you want to listen to her whine about it ALL the way home, you should probably hurry." Rose quipped.

I just shook my head at all of them and started walking. When I got closer Jasper gave me a look, almost like he was examining me.

"How's the wrist slugger?" He joked. "I can tell it's hurting."

"Yep it hurts like hell. But it was SOOOOO worth it. You would think parents would teach their children manners. It seems to be a lost art anymore." I said and tried to keep walking.

"You could just be used to us." I heard Emmet say.

"Yeah because you are just the perfect gentleman. I remember you getting a little grabby too. If I remember correctly you got the same treatment they did." I smiled at him as he started laughing.

"Let's go shoe shopping Bella-Boo." Emmett said and before I could say anything back to him he grabbed me and flipped me over his shoulder.

"See I told you. Your slow." I didn't even have to look to know it was Edward and I flipped him off as Emmet carried me to the shoe shop.

Three hours later, I begged for mercy.

"Alice I am starving. Can we take a break?"

"Ugh humans…." Alice joked. "Of course Bella let's go get you something to eat. What do you want?"

"Chinese food." I said without hesitation.

"OK let's get you something to eat. Guys you want to find us a table?" Alice grabbed my hand and Rose followed us.

Moments later we had my food and were walking toward the table that Emmet and Jasper were sitting at. Edward was no where to be seen. I frowned to myself. I was secretly wondering where he went to and what he was up to. As soon as we got to the table Jasper smiled at me, sensing my tension, he said.

"Edward will be with us in a moment. He had to….ahhhh… go talk to someone about something, he will be right back." The look on his face told me that something was up. A quick glance around the table I could tell that I was the only one that wasn't in on the joke.

But it wasn't my place to question Edwards whereabouts. As much as the looks on everyone's faces were annoying me, it wasn't my place. _He isn't yours anymore Swan_. I told myself over and over. But it was really bothering me, he hadn't been more than a step away from me all day and I kind of missed him now that he wasn't here, but I wouldn't say it out loud even if you paid me. Jasper just sat back staring at me smiling. I shot his a dirty look and wondered what his problem was.

I ignored every single one of them and ate my food. The food court was crowded. There were people everywhere. I was fairly sure it was the lunch rush possibly the dinner rush seeing that I didn't have a watch I honestly didn't know. But there wasn't an empty table anywhere.

I was no sooner done and pushing away the empty tray when I heard his voice over the huge crowd and I froze.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!" I tried to hide behind Emmet but he laughed at me and pushed me away.

"He is fucking crazy." I heard him mutter to himself.

"ISABELLA I KNOW YOU HEAR ME! COULD YOU STAND UP PLEASE?" I contemplated crawling under the table but I had a feeling that would just make it worse. It was Alice that grabbed me and pulled me to my feet.

"SHE IS RIGHT HERE EDWARD!" She yelled back at him as she pointed. She was so excited about something she was practically vibrating with excitement.

I felt every single person in the food court turn and stare at me and I was sure I was a bright red by now. I glanced briefly at Edward. He was standing maybe fifty yards away from us. He was wearing a black tux, and he looked damn good. I felt his eyes burning into mine. I was terrified. I didn't like being the center of attention and I thought about just walking away, maybe running would be a good choice. Even if I fell and broke my neck at least I wouldn't notice a couple thousand people staring.

I saw some man walk up to Edward and hand him what looked like a microphone. Oh god. I thought and I turned to walk away when I felt Alice grab my hand.

I had just freed my hand from Alice's grip when I heard him start singing and I froze and my mind went blank.

_No more talkof darkness,_

_Forget thesewide-eyed fears._

_I'm here,nothing can harm you _

_-my words will_

_warm and calm me beyour freedom,_

_let daylight_

_dry __-your tears._

_I'm here,with you, _

_beside you,_

_to guard youand to guide you . _

I had imagined this happening a million times in the last three years and I didn't know what to say or do now that it was happening. I couldn't do anything but turn and face him. I had forgotten we were surrounded by people and I felt the tears come to my eyes as he continued.

_Say you love me_

_every waking moment,_

_turn my headwith talk of summertime . . ._

_Say you need mewith you,now and always . . ._

_promise me that all_

_you say is true _

_-that's all I askof you . _. .

I couldn't believe he was singing this song to me in the middle of the mall full of people. I was touched. If I had said otherwise it would have been a lie.

_Let me beyour shelter,_

_let mebe your 're safe:_

_No-one will find you_

_your fears arefar behind you . . ._

He started to walk towards me slowly still singing. I heard faintly heard people around me saying awwww and ohhhh. I was fairly sure I heard someone call me a lucky bitch. Rose must have heard it too because she spun in her chair and glared daggers at the woman.

_Say you'll share with __me one_

_love, one lifetime . . ._

_Let me lead youfrom your solitude . . ._

_Say you need me_

_with you here, beside you . . ._

_anywhere you go,let me go too _

_-Bella,_

_that's all I ask of you _. . .

_Say you'll share with __me one love, one lifetime . . ._

_say the wordand I will follow you . . ._

_Share each day with me, each night, each morning . . ._

_Say you love me . . ._

_Love me -that's all I ask of you . . ._

_Anywhere you go_

_let me go too . . ._

_Love me -that's all I ask of you . ._

By the time he finished singing he was on both knees in front of me. I was wide eyed and speechless.

"Bella, I kneel before you begging for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it but I can't help but ask for it. I have lied and treated you like shit, but I love you Bella. If you can find it in your heart to give me a chance, I will spend forever proving to you what you mean to me. I don't expect you to forget anything I just want a chance to prove to you what you mean to me." He spoke every word into the microphone. He wasn't ashamed to be begging for forgiveness. He honestly looked like I was the only person in the room, like I was the only one he saw. Maybe I was.

I didn't know what to say. Was I really ready to give him a chance?

"Bella I can't live without you anymore. Just give me a chance to prove it."

I didn't think I just acted. I reached down and grabbed his face and lifted it so he was looking into my eyes and I simply said, "I love you."

I saw his face brighten instantly and he was on his feet wrapping me in his arms before I could say anything else. He bent his head and looked into my eyes again and for just a second it was just him and I, and we were alone. He slowly closed his eyes and I felt his grip on me tighten as he slowly bent his head and kissed me gently on the lips.

It felt like my body exploded when our lips met for the first time after all this time. It felt so right, it felt like I was finally home after all this time. I wrapped my arms around his neck as the room erupted in applause. I froze and Edward started laughing at my expression.

But at that moment I didn't care who saw us or what they thought about it. I was back in Edward's arms and that was all that mattered.

"Come on love birds. Let's get the hell out of here before we draw more attention." I think it was Jasper that said something but I wasn't sure and I truly didn't care.

Edward and I walked to the car hand in hand and the world started to make sense again.

* * *

A/N

The first song in the chapter was _Love and Affection by Nelson_. I know it's a corny song but I love it and it fit. The second song was again _All I Ask of You By Andrew Lloyd Webber from the Phantom of the Opera_, which recently became my favorite song.

I hope this was big enough a gesture to ask for forgiveness. I know I would have given him a chance if he would have done this for me… Sigh. Anyway Edward and Bella are not done discussing issues this is just her giving him a chance. I hope you enjoyed!


	16. CHAPTERFIFTEEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

Edward and I walked hand in hand back to the car. I knew we had a few issues we need to discuss but I honestly didn't know where to start or what to say to him at that minute so I just kept my eyes on the ground and concentrated on not falling in these shoes.

By the time we got all of the crap Alice and Rose bought stuffed into the vehicles and we were on our way home I was exhausted. I was ready to get home and put on my comfy yoga pant and get out of these tight ass clothes. I also wanted a few minutes to myself to process everything.

I relaxed into my seat and looked out the window watching the city lights fly by as we raced out of the city heading towards Forks and home.

Was I truly ready to forgive and forget with Edward? I didn't really know. I would never be able to forget what happened so would I ever be able to truly forgive? I loved Edward with every fiber in my being and I longed to be with him again, to put it all behind us… but was I ready to be with him again? I still had nightmares about the look on his face that day in the woods when he tried to say he was leaving. I felt lost, and I didn't know what to do.

I felt Edward reach over and take my hand from my lap and lace his fingers with mine. His touch still sent shivers up my spine and made my heart flutter. I felt torn. Part of me just wanted to fall into his arms and forget about everything but the other part was screaming at me that I couldn't be that stupid. I needed to know why, why he was seemingly happy to leave me at first and now he was begging me to take him back.

As I sat there and really thought back to that day in the woods. I remembered more and more about things he had said to me before I flipped out and ran instead.

I remember being called a distraction, I remember him saying that he didn't want me anymore, and that he wanted me to move on because he was going to. The more I sat and thought about it the more pissed I got.

I had been repressing so much with Edward I didn't really know what I wanted from him, if anything anymore. Before all this happened we had been fighting almost daily anyways and it was always the same argument. I wanted to be changed so I could be with him forever and he didn't want that. If I remember correctly he wouldn't even discuss the possibility of my change.

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and pinched the bridge of my nose, frustrated. A habit I had gotten from him. I began gently rubbing my right arm which I noticed at that moment hurt like hell. It was throbbing painfully but I didn't say a word. I knew if I said something as soon as we pulled into the garage at home I would be treated like I was totally helpless and knowing Edward I would end up having to take some kind of pain killer that would knock me out all night. Thinking about that….

"Edward you will promise me something right now before I even begin to think about talking to you again.." "Anything love." He said looking over at me waiting for me to speak.

"No more drugging me, seriously, if I want something to take pain away or to help me calm down… I WILL ASK. I am not the same girl I was three years ago. If this.." I paused making a motion between us. " is going to work… then it has to be US. Not Edward says something and Bella is supposed to listen just because she is a helpless human. I am not that naïve anymore Edward."

"Actually Bella I wanted to talk to you about the 'human' thing." I rolled my eyes and looked away. I hadn't even asked about being changed. I didn't know if I even wanted to anymore. I was just really not in the mood.

"Edward I didn't even ask about that. I was just saying…" He placed his hand over my mouth and smiled his crooked smile. Then glanced back at the road then back to me.

"Just listen to me for a minute please Bella. I wasn't going to say what you think. I really didn't want to talk about this this way but I just really want to make a few things clear." He paused waiting for me to answer and I just nodded so he continued.

"I remember when you used to say that one lifetime wasn't enough and I never really listened to you. I never realized what I had until it was gone." The car came to a stop and I looked back out the windows and I realized we were back at the Cullen's, now parked in the garage. Jasper and Alice climbed out of the car and as fast as they could they grabbed all the stuff from the car and disappeared. Seconds later I heard Emmet and Rose pull in next to us and they too grabbed everything out of the jeep then they disappeared. The garage door closed and we were alone.

Edward had been waiting patiently for the garage to clear out and now that it had, he turned in his seat to face me. I readjusted a little too. I could see him a little better but I was trying my damnedest to not make eye contact with him. This wasn't the time to go all goofy. I needed to concentrate, I needed some answers. He looked down at his hands for a minute then taking a deep breath he reached for my hand and started talking.

"Bella I love you. I always have and always will. It was pure torture knowing that I had caused you so much pain and I didn't know where you were so I could fix it. I looked every chance I got. If I wasn't in school, I was searching the internet. I swear I would pick a state and start calling all hotels and gave them a description of you. Couple times I would hear that someone matching the description had been there… but they all refused to give me any more information than that. I even tried to offer obscene amounts of money.. It never worked."

"I always had an understanding with the staff…. I paid well too. Apparently better than you." I said mostly to myself. I saw him smirk at me and then he continued.

"I drove myself crazy. I didn't leave this house unless I had to go to school or hunt. Once we graduated I only left to hunt and I only did that when Carlisle or Esme begged me to go."

"So you didn't go out and find you a new 'distraction'?" I asked bitterly. I know I was being a bit bitchy but it was still such a fresh wound in my mind, I couldn't help it.

I felt him reach with his hand and cup my cheek and lifting gently so I would look into his eyes. "Bella, my love, no one could distract me from you. My heart belongs to you, as does my soul, without you I am nothing. I couldn't even imagine being with someone else. The only reason I ever said those stupid things was because I had convinced myself that it wasn't safe for you to stay in my world. I was stupid Bella, I see that now. I was wrong and I say that I was wrong. Because without you I have no world."

I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't expect Edward to ever admit he was wrong and I really wasn't prepared for what he said next.

As I sat there looking at him trying to think of what to say he let go of my hand and cupped my other cheek in his other hand. I took a deep forcing myself to focus. I refused to be dazzled by him but I really don't think that is what he was trying to do. It felt like he was trying to show me the truth of his words through his beautiful eyes.

"Bella, if you still want it…. I will change you. I want to change you actually. I can't stand the thought of being without you again, _ever_. I know we have a lot of issues we need to talk about but I hope we can get past them. I don't think one lifetime is enough to show you how sorry I am and I don't think one lifetime is enough to love you. I want you Bella, forever." He bent his head and gently brushed his lips across mine. My heart fluttered as he pulled back and waited for me to open my eyes and look at him. His eyes had darkened just a fraction and he a look in his eyes I had never seen before. Lust. "I want every part of you Bella, FOREVER."

I felt my heartbeat pick up and I felt a strange tingling between my legs. He bent back over and pulled my lips back to his. I felt the urgency and the desire behind every stroke of his tongue against my lips and my tongue as I slowly parted my lips allowing him access. I heard myself moan as I ran my good hand through his tangled hair and tried to hold him tighter…. Closer.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING SWAN? My head screamed at me. You need to be sure of what you want before we go down this path, besides I really didn't want my first time to be in the front seat of Edward's Volvo parked in the garage with six other vampires in the other room that would have heard EVERYTHING. I don't think so. Get your head on straight! Wait would my Edward even be thinking about having sex?

I froze, slightly panicked and pulled away from him. Edward's eyes were almost black from lust and he looked slightly confused.

"Edward…. I don't really remember if we ever got to having this conversation before, but I have NEVER done…. You know…." Shit Swan this is 2010, you may be a virgin but you can say the word. I thought to myself before I continued. "Listen Edward I have never had sex before and I really don't want my first time to be in the front seat of a car. Plus I need time to think about everything. I can't let myself just jump into this blind again. I have to be sure that this is what I want. I don't know if I want to take the chance of getting hurt again." I felt the tears spring into my eyes and I wiped at them wildly, not wanting to cry in front of him right now.

I felt his thumbs wipe my cheeks as he bent slightly trying to catch my gaze. I tried to avoid him. I was slightly embarrassed.

"Bella love look at me please." He still held my face in his hands so there really wasn't anywhere I could look with out closing my eyes to I looked at him. He smiled at me. "Don't be embarrassed. I haven't ever…. Had sex either. You are the first and ONLY person I have even kissed so when we do finally make love it won't be in a car. I don't want us to rush into this either. I want you to be 100% comfortable and sure of what you want." He leaned over and brushed his lips across mine again. "But I miss the way your lips feel on mine, so I won't apologize for kissing you."

With that he kissed me again and my breath caught in my throat. I missed this too but I broke it off before it got out of hand again.

"Edward I need to think about all of this." I said breathlessly. "I love you but I…. I just need time Edward."

"I will wait forever for you Bella. Just please don't shut me out. Talk to me, let me spend time with you, and let me prove how much you mean to me?" He looked at me pleadingly. "I meant everything I said Bella so I mean it when I say I will spend the rest of eternity making it up to you. Oh and I PROMISE that I won't medicate you against your will. But if you are hurt in any way I will not hesitate to do whatever I need to."

"I wouldn't expect any less from you." I smiled at him. "But now I really have to go take a shower and get out of these shoes and these clothes. I am so tired." I let out a big yawn and before I could say anything else my car door was opening and Edward was standing there with a huge grin on his face, holding his hand out so he could help me out.

I took his hand and got out of the car. He shut the door behind me and he walked me into the house and up to my room. He opened the door for me to reveal Rose sitting on my bed and Alice pulling things out of bags.

I shook my head the sight and started to walk in when Edward pulled me back to him and held me tightly to his chest. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose, and finally he kissed me again on the lips. I felt my toes curl up and my heart beat wildly. Edward could kiss. WOW could he kiss. I felt my knees go weak just as he released my lips and stepped away.

"Good night my love." He said with a bow, then he was gone. I leaned against the door frame and just stared at the spot he had been standing just moments ago.

I shook my hand and slowly turn to face the two in my room. They didn't say a word. Alice simply bounced over to me handing me a huge t-shirt, pair of boxers and a pair of panties. Rose came up and wrapped my arm then they gently pushed me off down the hall, Rose followed.

Not a word was said as I turned the shower on as Rose helped me take my hair down. Once it was down she helped me shampoo it to get all the styling crap out, then she added the conditioner to my hair, gave me a smile then turned and walked back out.

"I will get Alice out of your room and I will wait for you there. I will help you brush your hair before you go to sleep." Rose explained then disappeared.

I stood under the hot stream of water willing myself to relax. Twenty minutes later I got out and got dressed as quickly as I could, then walked back to my room. As Rose promised Alice was gone. Rose must have known I was tired or maybe she just knew I didn't want to deal with Alice's energy.

Rose motioned for me to sit in the chair. There was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the table along with a huge glass of milk, a bottle of water, and two pain pills.

I took the pain pills first, then took a bite of the sandwich as Rose started to comb through my wet tresses. I finished my sandwich quickly and sat there drinking my milk while Rose combed through my hair. It was highly relaxing and I closed my eyes.

I sat there thinking about Edward. I didn't know what to do exactly but I guess I was going to at least try to listen to what he had to say. I smiled and I honestly felt happy and maybe even a little hopeful. I drifted off to sleep as I felt Rose lift me and lay me in the bed.

I felt peaceful and safe as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A/N

A HUGE thank you to all that have reviewed and given me feedback! You guys have some great ideas! If there is something you would like to see happen in this story PLEASE send me a message and I will see what I can do!


	17. CHAPTERSIXTEEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

"BELLLLLLLLLLLLA WAKE UP!" I sat straight up screeching slightly as I did it, my heart in my throat, ONLY to find Emmet on the floor laughing at me.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I screamed at him and threw the lamp from my nightstand at his head. He caught the lamp before it crashed into his head and still laughing he got up and set the lamp back on the table then raising his hands in surrender.

"I couldn't help myself. If I had to listen to ONE more moment of you talking about Edward in your sleep I was going to hurl. Then the look… on your face….when I.." He sat on the edge of my bed still chuckling trying to contain himself and handed me my new iPod.

He still had this smug look on his face and I so wanted to wipe it off of his face. Then a thought passed through my mind so I smiled sweetly at him then screamed. "ROSE!" I smiled smugly at him as his face fell.

Less than a few seconds later Rose came through my door looking at me and Emmet. "What did he do now Bella? Emmet Cullen you were promised me you were just going to sit QUIETLY and wait for her to get up while I went and made her something to eat. WHAT DID YOU DO?" When she finished she had Emmet by his ear and she was face to face with him and I swear his face went more pale.

"I…we…a…I…umm" Emmet stammered and I lost it. I tried to hold back the giggles but that didn't last long.

"That's what you get Cullen. I don't need to hurt myself trying to pay you back. I have ROSE on my side. Jackass." With that I started laughing as I got out of bed. "He scared the crap out of me Rose then made fun of me. I don't feel like dealing with him right now. Do you mind?" I stopped and picked up the clothes I was sure Alice had laid out for me on the table then turned around to look back at the two of them.

Emmet, Mr. I am not scared of shit, Cullen looked horrified as Rose smiled at me. With out even another glance to Emmet Rose replied, "Of Course not sis. Emmet your cut off for a week and I am not talking video games and telephone." Rose reached for my hand and we walked out of the room toward the bathroom. Leaving Emmet sitting on my bed with his mouth wide open.

As soon as we were in the bathroom Rose started laughing with me. She bent close to me and whispered, "Just so you know it will never happen. I will never last a whole week. In fact anymore than two day and its just punishing myself too." I started laughing all over again. I didn't really know what to say. So I just shook my head and laughed.

"Don't worry about it to much Rose. The look on his face when he knew he fucked up.. When you walked in…. TOTALLY worth it already. No need to PUNISH yourself." I said giggling to myself.

"I was just being honest with you." Rose said with a huge grin and I truly felt like she was my sister at that moment. I have trusted Rose for a while now but there was just something. I couldn't really explain it. It was almost like realizing for the first time just how much someone means to you.

"Thanks Rose." I said and walked over and gave her a hug. "For everything. I don't even know how to thank you."

"Bella can I say something?" I sat down at the vanity and Rose began to take my hair out of the messy braid she had put in it last night before she helped me into bed. She started running the brush through the tangles as I nodded indicating she should continue. I watched her through the mirror as she worked.

"Bella I don't know how much you know about my transformation, but I am fairly sure you know I wasn't entirely happy about it." She paused for a second collecting her thoughts. "I vowed then and there that I would NEVER help anyone who had a choice become a vampire. Nor would I condone it being done. That used to be one of my biggest problems with you and Edward dating, I knew that's what you wanted and I didn't like it." She paused and made eye contact with me through the mirror and then she quickly French braided my hair then placed her hands on my shoulders before she continued.

"What I am trying to say Bella is… since I have had the honor of spending any amount of time with you, I understand now. I can't see my life or ANY of our lives without you. Bella you complete this family. Even if you don't see it yet…. Even if you decide you don't want to talk to Edward for a thousand years…. I want you to stay with us. I have talked to everyone else too, Jasper, Alice, Emmet, Carlisle, Esme, and even Edward was there. If you decide you want to be changed we all want you to know that ANY one of us will do it. Even me…. As long as you are sure. I just wanted you to know you have options. Its still not Edward's way or the highway. Never again."

I felt the tears start falling. I never expected this much from Rose and it touched me that she thought I was worthy enough to be a part of her family even if it wasn't as Edward's mate.

"Let me just add though I am totally team Edward on this though. Nothing would make me happier than to see the two of you work this mess out. I think you are good for him, he needs someone besides me to tell him he is full of shit. He may even actually listen to you!" She finished with a smile.

"I don't know what I want yet Rose but it means a lot knowing that everyone is ok with changing me now." I paused for a minute and looked down at the floor. "I don't know what to do about Edward yet. I guess for now I will give him a chance to explain things, or at least I am going to try."

"Honestly sweetie that's more than he deserves right now and he is lucky you are giving him that much." She smiled at me as I stood and gave her a hug. "Ok now get dressed and come downstairs. Coffee should be done by now and I will have your omelet done by the time you get downstairs."

I nodded and she left the room closing the door behind her. I was alone and I slowly got dressed thinking about everything that had been happening.

I felt like genuinely happy and content. This was where I belonged and I just had this feeling that me and Edward would work everything out.

Thinking back on it… this should have been the first sign that something was going to happen.

I finished dressing with a smile on my face and walked out the door. I was just walking by the phone when it rang.

"I GOT IT!" I yelled, entirely to loudly but it was habit to yell like that.

"Hello Cullen's residence." I said cheerfully.

"Who is this?" The voice sounded familiar and irritated but I couldn't place it. I looked at the caller ID on the phone and noted that all it said was cellular call.

"This is Bella. Who is this?" I asked cautiously and giving her just as much attitude as she was giving me.

"He's mine now bitch leave him alone." Wait…what?

"Who the fuck is this and who the hell are we talking about?" I asked annoyed. Emmet walked out of my room looking at me curiously. I shrugged my shoulders indicating I didn't know who it was.

"Edward, you left him and now he is mine. He told me you were back this morning, but I didn't believe him. But here you are answering the damn house phone like you own the fucking place." The more the bitch talked the more pissed I got. What the hell was going on?

"Who the fuck is this?" I asked bluntly. Tired of playing games. Suddenly I felt very tired. Mentally and physically I was just tired of all the lies, bullshit, and drama. I wanted some straight answers.

"This is Jessica you fucking bitch. I have been the one comforting Edward since you left him and he is mine now bitch." JESSICA FUCKING STANLEY there is no way. He just said last night that there wasn't anyone else…. I was brought out of my thoughts by Jessica continuing to rant and scream at me. "We fucked all the time after you left. We even broke into your dad's house a few weeks ago and fucked on your old bed."

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that was just crap but I was now pissed and wondering if he had forgot to tell me a few LITTLE things. I took a deep breath trying to get my rage under control. I wasn't thinking clearly. She knew what buttons to push and it worked. I wanted to beat some ass now and get answers later.

"Listen to me Jess and listen to me good because I will only say this once. I don't know what has been going on between you and Edward, but please believe that as soon as I see him I will get some answers and if there is any truth to what you are saying. You can have him." I hung up the phone and turned around to see Emmet staring at me like I was a bomb that was about to explode.

I smiled at him and as calmly as I could manage I asked, "Where is Edward?"

"He went into town this morning. Said he had a couple errands to run." I snorted to myself. SURE _Errands_. Probably went to fuck the whore. I thought to myself but I didn't say anything, I just nodded and turned and walked down the stairs to the kitchen calmly.

The whole way I tried to argue with myself that I had to give him the chance to explain. But a bigger part kept whispering in my ear that he didn't deserve to explain. He had the chance yesterday to come clean. I can't say I wouldn't have been hurt by knowing he had found some other _distraction_ but I would have rather heard it from him, not Jessica Fucking Stanley.

I walked into the kitchen and Rose looked at me with a puzzled look on her face. "Who was on the phone?"

I was proud my voice didn't waver. On the outside I appeared fine. I even managed to force a smile. On the inside I was a big ol'mess. I was struggling to stay composed. "Jessica Stanley." I made sure I looked her straight in her eyes. She kept that same confused look. She didn't know. Emmet had the same confused look and he had heard what Jessica said.

"Don't say anything yet Emmet please." I looked at him and he nodded at me and crossed his heart and I gave him a weak smile.

Alice and Jasper walked into the kitchen moments later. Jasper stopped and looked at me. He looked confused and I held my hand up to him before he could ask. I shook my head trying to tell him 'Not Now' and imagining a brick wall between us. I kept telling my self that it was strong enough to keep him out. When I looked back at him he looked both confused and shocked so I figured it worked.

"Bella what just happen? You just disappeared out of my head." Alice said and she grabbed my arms shaking me slightly. I smiled to myself, apparently it had worked on Alice to. I silently thanked that book I had read about relaxation. I blocked out all their influence.

They all were looking at me shocked so I walked over to Rose and took my plate out of her hand and walked into the living room. I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Found some cartoons and I ate my breakfast. With all four of them staring at me from the doorway.

I was honestly trying to calm down, I had a deep down feeling this was getting more out of hand than was truly necessary. But I was feeling unsure and pissed.

When I was done I got up and carried my plate back into the kitchen and set it in the sink. Then while my back was still to the four I asked.

"Alice… I need to know RIGHT NOW…. Are Edward and Jessica involved?" I turned around and faced her. Rose crossed the room and stood by my side. Alice looked at the floor.

"It's not what you think." That was enough confirmation for me. He may not be having sex with her or even be involved with her in anyway right now… but there was something there. Something happened between the two of them and when I asked yesterday I was told he didn't have anyone else. That I was the only one…. Always have been… always will….. ALL FUCKING LIES!

I struggled to keep thinking. "Alice can I see your phone?"

She didn't even ask why and she whipped it out and handed it to me.

He answered on the third ring. Before he could say anything I started talking. "Listen I don't know where you are right now but I need to talk to you can you come here and pick me up? NOW please?" I hung up before he could answer but I knew he was on his way.

I handed Alice her phone back and walked back up to my room. I grabbed my iPod and put the buds in my ears and spun the wheel looking for the song. Probably not my best idea if I was trying to calm down but when I sing the song it has always given me a feeling off empowerment and I needed a lift me up.

_Right now, he's probably slow dancing with a_

_bleached-blonde tramp_

_And she's probably getting frisky_

_Right now he's probably buying her some Fruity little drink _

_'Cause she can't shoot whiskey_

_Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick_

_Showing her how to shoot a combo_

_Oh and he don't know..._

I started out humming the song as I walked back downstairs. I saw Alice in the corner yelling into her phone. I figured she must have finally gotten a hold of Edward. I hoped my ride got there before he did because I just really didn't want to talk to him right now. I know I would say things I didn't mean. Wait who the fuck was I kidding I didn't give two shits what I said to him right now.

I wanted to hit something, rage coursed through my veins and demanded an outlet.

_That I dug my key into the side of his _

_Pretty little supped up four wheel drive_

_Carved my name into his leather sea__t_

_I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights_

_Slashed a hole in all four tires_

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats_

I smiled to myself then headed toward the garage. I opened the door that led to the garage, reached in flipped on the light.

There sat the beautiful and pristine Vanquish. I smiled again as I opened one of the cabinets I knew they kept sporting equipment. I found a heavy bat and bounced it back and forth between my hands, testing the weight. It would work.

_Right now, she's probably up singing some_

_White-trash version of Shania karaoke_

_Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"_

_And he's thinking that he's gonna get lucky_

_Right now, he's probably dabbing on _

_Three dollars worth of that bathroom polo_

_Oh and he don't know... OH!_

I was in my own little world as I hit the button to open the garage doors, so I could see the driveway. I walked calmly over to the car with the bat over my shoulder. Singing to myself. When I got close enough, I planted my feet and swung. I was rewarded with the sound of breaking glass as the windshield shattered. I didn't stop there though.

_That I dug my key into the side of his _

_Pretty little supped up four wheel drive_

_Carved my name into his leather seat_

_I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights_

_Slashed a hole in all four tires_

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats_

_I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl_

_'Cause the next time that he cheats_

_Oh, you know it won't be on me_

_No, oh_

_Not on me..._

I was pretty much screaming the song by now and with every breath I took and lyric I heard I smashed something on his pretty little car.

_'Cause I dug my key into the side of his _

_Pretty little supped up four wheel drive_

_Carved my name into his leather seat_

_I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights_

_Slashed a hole in all four tires_

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats_

_Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats..._

_Oh, oh_

_Before he cheats_

_ohhhh._

When the song ended I almost felt high. My adrenaline was surging and I started to laugh. The bat was sticking straight out of the back window and it looked kind of comical.

"Edward is going to shit when he sees this!" I heard Emmet chuckle and I smiled at him. I heard a noise and noticed my ride had just arrived. Alice was standing in the corner with her mouth open and the phone still in her hand.

Sam walked up to the garage still in wolf form. He laid down and I climbed up on his back.

"I am going to go visit with Emily and Sam for a little while. OH and if I remember correctly Edward did say that the car was mine until he got me a new one SO if I wanted to trash it. That was my choice too. Tell him to just go spend some more quality time with his newest distraction."

"Bella wait…" I heard Rose say and I shook my head.

"I can't be here right now. I need to think and I just can't do that here. With him here. I will call you later Rose." I heard a noise and I turned my head to see Quil and Jared waiting for Sam at the edge of the forest. "I will be safe." I said and Sam made some kind of yip that sounded like he was agreeing with me as he stood and started walking back towards the trees.

I buried my face into his fur and started crying as we started moving. I glanced up just as we were heading into the forest. I was barely able to make out what looked like the Volvo turning into the driveway.

"Hurry Sam I just don't feel like dealing with him right now." I heard him grunt and then it felt like I was flying as we ran through the forest. And I cried.

* * *

A/N

The song in this chapter is _Before he Cheats _by Carrie Underwood. It is a great song to listen to if you are pissed and need to vent. I love to turn the radio up and sing along with this song it helps me release some tension. Crazy? Well I guess me and Bella have something in common then! LOL

Stick with me please there is a method to my madness!


	18. CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

**EPOV**

"Edward you better hurry. I can't see what she is about to do but she called Sam to come pick her up and she has a bat…." I heard a loud CRACK followed by what sounded like a mini explosion.

"Alice what the hell was that?"

"That my dear brother was just the start. Like I said you better hurry."

I pressed the pedal to the floor and I felt the car lurch only slightly as it took off faster. I was going well over 120mph and still picking up speed.

What the hell was going on now? I replayed the conversation between me and Alice in my head.

"_EDWARD! You are sooo dead mister. Did you fuck her? Seriously Edward what were you thinking?"_

"_What? What are you talking about Alice?"_

"_Jessica FREAKING Stanley you dumb ass? Did you see her today?"_

_I thought about that for a moment. Jessica was a pain in the ass. I hadn't seen her since graduation until today. As soon as she found out that Bella had left she had followed me around like a lost little puppy. An annoying lost little puppy. I told her over and over I wasn't interested but it never registered. I started avoiding her like the plague. I would listen for her thoughts then head in the opposite direction. _

_Pretty soon I started hearing rumors that I was dating Jessica. Which was news to me. With a little digging I eventually traced it back to Jessica, not that I was surprised. She seemed almost desperate and her thoughts were everywhere. To tell the truth I was pretty sure she was a little nuts._

_I succeeded in avoiding her until graduation. Where, as soon as she saw me she walked right up to me and kissed me. I didn't kiss her back but the damage was done. Everyone set it in their heads that there was something going on with me and Jessica. I did my best to dispel that rumor as soon as the ceremony was over._

_After the ceremony Jessica walked up and took my hand and I promptly removed my hand from hers. It repulsed me being touched by any human or other woman but my Bella. Who should have been there holding my hand while we were congratulated by our friends, family, and peers._

'_Don't touch me Stanley and LEAVE ME ALONE! There is nothing between us. Never has been and there never will be.' I said it as loud as I could with out screaming at her but still taking out some of my frustration on her. I didn't want too much attention, just enough. Mission accomplished I left._

_I hadn't seen her until today. I had heard rumors that Jessica and I were secret lovers or some shit but I ignored them and . Probably Not the smartest idea….but Alice knew about this…They all did so I was slightly annoyed by her accusations now of me sleeping with Jessica._

"_YEAH I saw her today. At the flower shop, I told her Bella was back. I then got Bella some flowers and I left. Why?" I asked Alice annoyed and irritated by the direction the conversation was heading.._

"_YEAH and she called the house this morning….. Bella answered." I could hear Bella in the background humming something. _

"_What did she say?" _

"_She told Bella you guys have been sleeping together… That you had been ever since she left…. She said some NASTY shit Edward. Bella basically told her she had no clue what was going on but she would figure it out and she hung up on her." I heard Alice pause and I heard Bella humming something. Couldn't make it out just yet …. Now she was starting so sing the lyrics softly._

_Alice continued, "Bella asked me if you and Jessica are involved. All I said was that it wasn't what she thought. I wasn't lying! I didn't say yes and I now know I should have just said NO and then explained." I could hear the stress in Alice's voice and it hit me. This wasn't good. Bella had some serious trust issues because of me and she knows that Jessica has had an interest in me for a while… _

The crack I heard… It was my car. That little hell cat went after my car. I could only smile. I kept replaying my conversation with Alice back….

"_But she blocked me Edward…. One minute I was looking at her future flipping like it did when she first got home and before she left… Then poof she was freaking gone and if I wasn't looking at her when it happened I would have freaked." I could hear the panic in Alice's voice, still to far to read her thoughts. _

_I stepped on the gas trying to will the car faster yet. Alice had suddenly quit talking and was just holding the phone. Bella was singing that song by Carrie Underwood…. Before he Cheats I think it called. She must truly believe there was some validity in Jessica's words. I had to show her that I still only had eyes for her and prove to her Jessica was nuts, at least that one should be fairly easy._

_Then I heard the first crack of what I now knew was a baseball bat to my windshield. I remember laughing picturing Bella swinging a bat and breaking my windshield. Priceless. I almost wish I was home to witness it. Almost._

_The beating lasted a few more minutes as I got closer and closer to home._

_I heard one last loud crack. (_I now know that it was Bella putting the bat through the back windshield. Like sticking a candle in a birthday cake. I wonder if she thought about lighting it on fire…)

_I then heard what sounded like a dog in the background then Bella began speaking and I started cursing the car for not being able to go any faster. "I am going to go visit with Emily and Sam for a little while." She was trying to leave me again! I could see the driveway now. I was almost there. _

_I heard her continue and again I had to smile at her spirit. Still thinking I really cared what happened to that car. "OH and if I remember correctly Edward did say that the car was mine until he got me a new one SO if I wanted to trash it. That's my choice too. Tell him to just go spend some more quality time with his newest distraction." _

_I heard her say those words and I felt something snap inside of me. How could…. She would listen to me dammit! This was crazy!_

I was brought out of my thoughts as I turned into our driveway and I saw Sam pause for a moment on the edge of the forest. I heard Bella urge him to move but he ignored her for a moment.

"'Edward I know you can hear me. I will keep her safe and let her calm down. I will bring her back here tonight. It won't be safe for her on the reservation after dark. I will explain when I bring her home. If being married has taught me anything buddy… its that sometimes you just need to let them calm down a little before you try and explain things. I have been told that it helps you live longer too.'" I heard him chuckle then they were gone.

I saw her turn back and look once and I could see the tears streaming down her face, I wanted to just go grab her and shake her, but that wouldn't help anything right now. I need to get my shit straight. I had to trust Sam to keep her safe for a few hours. I have to make sure there are no other little surprises waiting to kill every little bit of progress I make with my Bella. I needed to think.

I parked the car in the driveway and made my way up to the garage. Yep the car was trashed but on everything I love, I didn't care. Not one bit. It was just a freaking car. I could replace it, I couldn't replace Bella. I WON'T REPLACE BELLA!

I walked past the mess in the garage and straight up to Bella's room and I closed the door. I took a deep breath inhaling her scent that still clung in the air. It smelled like heaven…. my own personal heaven.

I walked over to her bed and sat down I picked up her pillow and buried my face in it. Just her smell made my body long to possess her and relax at the same time.

How did I let all this happen? How did I let her slip through my fingers again and again. Maybe she was heaven and I was stuck in hell. My punishment was being able to see her but never truly having her.

But the more I thought about it I didn't feel that way about Bella, I have always thought of her as a gift from whoever, not a punishment.

I began sifting through memories of the last few years. The most painful being the day she left. I remember the look in her eyes when I lied. I had to lie I knew she wouldn't have just let me leave if she knew just how much I loved her. I lied for nothing though…..because in the end she was the one that left me standing there speechless.

"_No I won't let you leave because of me. There are seven of you…. And only one me. There is no point in all of you giving up everything you have just for me. I will leave. I'll go back to Phoenix with mom and Phil." _

She paused and I swear I felt the heartbreak in her words when she continued_._

"_You… you don't want me and you probably never did…." She turned to leave then paused briefly then spoke again. "It never made sense for you to love me…. I don't regret getting to know you or your family but seeing that everyone left without so much as saying goodbye…." _

Her voice cracked and I could tell she was trying not to cry.

I should have grabbed her right then and held her. I should have told her it was all lies... That I loved her and only her. I should have told her I was just being stupid. I should have just changed her the first time she asked. But I was being stupid and dumb and now look where its gotten me. With a whole lot of should haves and nothing done. Fucking brilliant Cullen.

"_I can see that I was stupid for believing for even a minute that I could ever be a part of your family or that ANY of you even cared for me to start with. So I promise this will be the last time you see me. I will be out of Forks before the morning. Goodbye Edward…. I will always…" _

She never finished and I stupidly just stood there and watched her leave.

Honestly I didn't think she would leave but I was wrong about that too. I figured she just needed time to calm down like now but I should have known better. Bella never thought of herself. Even as hurt by us as she was she still didn't want us to suffer because of her.

Maybe I should just go after her now? Sam said he would bring her back and he has been a good friend to us for a while now. I was putting all my trust in him. I distracted myself by thinking more about that fateful afternoon…

It stood there in the woods for I don't know how long. I heard her rickety old truck start and head towards my house. I started heading home. I should have ran I guess but I just kept fucking up the whole situation so by the time I got home she was getting back into her truck after leaving a bag by our mailbox.

It turned out to be everything we had ever given her. Even the pictures. I had them all framed now and hanging on the walls in my room. OUR room. The jeweled CD case with her lullaby in it still sits next to our bed waiting for her return. Clothes are in that closet in her room and well Rose and Emmet used the plane tickets checking on leads….The radio…. Still in my closet. Shaking my head I kept thinking.

I don't remember saying much to anyone. I told them she left and we didn't have to move. I left it at that. I don't really know how long I spent locked in my room before Alice broke the door down.

"_Edward what the hell is going on? Bella… I keep getting bits and pieces. Her mom is dead and I keep seeing Victoria. I think Bella is in trouble." _

"_What have you done man?" I heard Emmet and Rose come in behind Alice._

_I told them everything. I told them every stupid thing I said everything I did. Then Emmet beat my fucking ass. I didn't even fight back. This I felt I deserved. I should have….._

_Emmet and Rose left talking amongst themselves. I knew they were going to go look for signs of Bella._

I picked myself up off the floor that day and vowed to find Bella and make her safe. Like I told Bella I spent every spare second I had searching for signs of her.

By the time Rose and Emmet made it to Phoenix, Bella was long gone and there was no sign of her other than her scent.

For three years this was my hell. Alice and I both finished High School just to keep up appearances. Maybe it would have been smarter to "transfer" or "be home schooled" but I didn't imagine Jessica going all psycho on me. Alice never saw it coming either, I am assuming it was because she was so distracted with Bella's future flipping back and forth so much.

I remember the first time we thought we had a solid lead on where she was. It both made us happy and scared the shit out of us at the same time. Alice saw Bella make the decision to kill herself.

Rose and Emmet had been close and they were able to get to the hotel in time to stop her but not catch her. By the time they had gotten past security and up Bella's room she was gone. Her scent was still strong in the room they said, she hadn't been gone long.

She decided at least four more times in the last three years to kill herself. But each time thankfully we were able to at least stop her, but we never caught up with her.

We all went through this torture for three LONG YEARS. I searched and called hotels 24 hours a day seven days a week. If I got a lead I would call Emmet and Rose who kept moving through the south. They would go check it out.

I wanted to go physically search but Alice convinced me that it wouldn't do any good and I had to believe that. Should have….

I was hunting the day Alice heard about Charlie and I know it sounds really horrible of me but I was almost… glad. Because now Bella was coming home.

I stood from her bed still clutching her pillow as I walked from her room and up to our room. I turned the radio on and walked to the window gazing out at the afternoon sky, wondering what she was doing right now. I prayed that the wolves were keeping her safe and I kept fighting myself not to just go to her and drag her back here again.

I kept thinking about the last couple weeks. Bella's return was interesting. When I smelled her through the door of her fathers house I wanted to rip it off its hinges and grab her. I was told it would be better if we could get her into the house, "It will cause less of a scene and we don't want to many people knowing she is back anyway." I think it was Carlisle that said it. I was a little preoccupied.

When she walked in and I saw her for the first time in so long…. I felt like I was going to explode but her being so close made my heart soar and I felt whole again.

Then Emmet grabbed her and all hell broke loose.

I smiled at the memory. I physically felt the pain when she broke her wrist but seeing the look of determination on her face as she swung. It was priceless and then when she kept fighting even after she knew who it was. It was the first time I got to hold her again and smell her and just possess her even if it was just in my mind.

She was a different person now and she just seemed so broken. Her eyes looked dull and almost dead. The sparkle she used to have in her eyes was gone and I longed to see it again.

I have never seen someone so broken and sad as she did the day she said goodbye to her father. If I could cry I would have been bawling my eyes out as she told the story about her dad… Then when she sang…. It took everything in my being to stay seated and not go to her. I just knew it would have made it worse on her but I wanted to wrap my arms around her and protect her and take her pain away…. Just take her away. Make it better. Should have…

But this Bella took nothing laying down and she didn't feel she needed to be protected and she sure as hell wouldn't let ME take her anywhere or make it better.

She called me on my crap and fought me every step of the way. She was so much more self confident and sure of herself. I admired her for her fight. She had lost so much but she found this unbelievably strong spirit. She seemed fearless at times. I never thought it possible to love her more but I did. Love was to weak a word to describe what I felt for Bella….

I had been up close and almost very personal with that spirit of my love. When I panicked and accidentally ripped the door off her car. I still stand by my decision to drug her though. I would never apologize for that. She would have only hurt herself more because you could tell that she wasn't going to stop fighting me. And I am sorry I wasn't going to just let her go again. Not after just getting her back. (If my car had had a vote she would probably wanted me to just let her go… then there wouldn't be a Louisville Slugger sticking out of the back windshield. But I truly didn't care as long as I got the chance to explain things….)

Bella had filled out nicely too.

Her breast were at least two cup sizes bigger. ( I am a man and I am over a hundred years old. You tend to learn a few things about bras and cup sizes when seeing the minds of hormonally challenged teenagers day after day after day after day… Don't judge.)

Her hips and waist had filled out and toned up since she left also. You could tell she worked out while being stuck in hotel room after hotel room. She had the body of a woman and yet she still looked younger than Rosalie. She was beautiful woman and I longed to hold her and make her mine again.

I would spend the rest of eternity trying to put the sparkle back in her eyes. I remembered how her eyes lit up when I sang to her at the mall. She almost looked like the old Bella even if it was only for a moment and I was determined to make that a permanent sparkle.

NOW look where I was, back at square one and it was over a HUGE stupid fucking misunderstanding. Bella jumped to the wrong conclusions and took it out on "HER" car. Now I had to figure out _again_ how to fix this.

I had to fix it. I would fix it. I SHOULD HAVE told her about Jessica but it honestly slipped my mind and I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts of Bella, I missed Jessica thinking about calling her.

I kept making mistake after mistake, and it would end tonight. No more SHOULD HAVES! If I had to tie her down so she would listen to me I would. I smiled at the thought of trying to force my Bella to do anything. It wouldn't be easy but I had to get her to listen to me one way or another.

Tying her down may be fun…. _FOCUS EDWARD FOCUS!_

I stood there waiting staring out into the waning light of the afternoon wondering what Bella was doing right now. I wondered if she was safe or if she was still crying. I hated to see her cry.

A sudden thought brought me crashing back to reality. The light was fading and it was starting to get dark and Sam had said that Bella wouldn't be safe at the reservation after dark. I started to pace. Anxiously awaiting the safe return of my love. Wondering if I should go after her yet again... Or if it was to late…

* * *

A/N I hope this chapter touched all the main points of the story. If I missed something you wanted to hear from EPOV on please message me and I will do a short outtake chapter.

Next chapter we will be back to Bella's Point of View!

Thank you to everyone who reads this story. I have been having lots of fun writing it. A HUGE Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or left comments. It brings a huge smile to my face to check my email and see review alert. (: Thank you


	19. CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

It felt like I was simply gliding or floating through the forest. It was similar to what it felt like when Edward ran with me but vastly different. Edward always held me in place as I clung to him. With Sam it was more like me having a death grip on his fur and hoping I didn't slip and crash into a tree. Kind of exhilarating…

Maybe I should just let go… because the pain was just getting to intense. The hole in my chest that had not been bothering me as much since I was back with the Cullen's, now felt like it had been ripped wide the fuck back open. I can't cope with this shit anymore. I don't care if Victoria did get me anymore. I know it would be painful and horrible…. But there would be an end.

The pain would be a price that currently I would pay. I would pay it with a fucking smile on my face as long as this madness would end. I could just let go of Sam and if the fall didn't kill me I would just go looking for Victoria. I loosened my grip just a little… and I slid just a little.

Sam stopped. He was growling as he looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with me. The sounds he made echoed through my body and shook me.

"Don't look at me like that Sam. I know what you are thinking and I just don't care right now." I let go of him completely and sat up. I tried to swing my leg and jump down but it was a further jump than I was expecting and I ended up on my ass.

Sam turned around and looked at me. You could see the amusement dancing in his eyes.

I stuck my tongue out at him and stood up. Brushing off the leaves and dirt off my jeans, I looked down at myself. I was a mess and I didn't care. My chest ached and throbbed and the tears were still spilling from my eyes, uncontrollably.

"Everything is just so fucked up Sam. I don't know what to believe or who to trust…" I turned so my back was to him, staring into the forest. "I don't know what to do….. I just want…. I don't even know what I want anymore…" My voice broke and the tears came faster.

"Everything is just so fucked up… I fucked up so much…. I honestly don't know how you can just sit there and not hate me. It's my fault Charlie is dead… if I had just…" My train of thought was disrupted as I heard Sam growl slightly and suddenly I was no longer standing on my own two feet.

Sam had picked my up by the back of my jeans and was carrying me. I let out a startled shriek as he started walking swiftly. Giving me a major wedgie.

"Sam what the hell? Come on just put me down!" He just huffed and walked faster. "Sam what the fuck? Come on just put me down!" I huffed right back at him.

He completely ignored me and kept walking. Moments later we walked out of the trees and into Sam's back yard. Sam didn't stop until he got to the back porch.

When we reached the back porch he dropped me, let out a loud yip, and started to walk towards the side of the house.

I landed on the porch with a huff face down and before I could move the back door was opening and Emily was stepping out. A very pregnant Emily.

I had only met Emily once. I was with Charlie when we came down to the Reservation to have dinner with Billy and Jake. Sam and Emily were there when we got there. She was beautiful, even with the scars on her face, and she looked blissfully happy. Uncomfortable but happy.

Remembering I was laying face down on her back porch, I quickly scrambled to my feet and picked the wedgie from my ass and adjusted my clothes the best I could. I was brushing the dust and dirt off me when my current situation hit me.

Here I was covered in dust, dirt, and I was sure there were pieces of windshield in my hair. I was standing on the porch of a werewolf's home while looking at his pregnant wife. I had just smashed up a favorite car of a vampire… I had left seven vampires for the company of werewolves. I stared laughing. Emily gave me a puzzled look and it just made me laugh harder.

"My life is so FUCKED UP!" I said to her between laughing fits. I was sure I had lost my freaking mind. She just smiled and took my arm and led me over to the little patio set they had on their back porch. She pointed to a seat and I sat.

I was laughing so hard there were tears streaming down my face.

"Well at least you are laughing now." I heard Sam say as he came out the backdoor carrying three bottles of water. He handed us each one as he sat down.

I didn't answer him I just looked out over the yard. It was big and surrounded by trees. It was freshly mowed and green. I chuckled to myself as I pictured Sam in werewolf form outside mowing grass. I nearly choked on the water.

I was looking at the tree line when Quil and Jared walked out still in wolf form. I had seen them like this numerous times but it was not something you got used to. They were huge. At least as tall as a horse but ten times more threatening. They just walked up to the house like they owned the place and laid on the porch next to us. I seemed natural, normal.

"So Bella how have you been?" Emily asked and I was brought crashing back to reality.

I snorted, "I honestly don't know. I am alive but…. Everything is so fucked up I don't know what to do, or say, or who to believe. I just want my dad and my mom back. I want a little bit of normal and I don't know how to get it. I don't know who I can trust.."

"You can trust us Bella." I felt Emily place her hand on my arm and rub gently.

"What happened today Bella?" I glanced up at Sam as he spoke then looked back at the yard.

"He has been fucking Jessica Stanley, since I left…in my dad's house…" "WAIT!" Sam grabbed my arm and turned me. Forcing me to look at him. "He hasn't done anything with that girl. I promise Bella." I snorted again and pulled my arm from his grasp and turned to look at him fully.

"But.." I started to explain about the phone call today but I was cut off again.

"Bella trust me. NOTHING went on between those two. Your dad and I followed that nut job for three months. She kept telling everyone that her and Edward were meeting secretly and they were doing this and that… Your dad just couldn't believe that Edward would do any of the things he heard. So he asked me for a little help and we followed her, and unless they were meeting in the bathroom at school for lunch….. None of it was true. He even publicly told her that she meant nothing to him, at graduation none the less. The girl is a few fries short of a happy meal if you know what I mean."

"Oh shit…." I muttered to myself. I should have just never got out of bed this morning….

"Yeah I saw your work on Edward's car… remind me never to piss in your cornflakes." Sam chuckled to himself as I felt like crawling under the table and disappearing.

I knew I had over reacted. The whole time I beat his car with the bat I just knew… but at the same time it just felt so damn good to release some of the pent up anger and frustration.

"It was my car anyway. He gave it to me after destroying mine." I told them then crossed my arms over my chest with a huff.

I couldn't bring myself to feel bad for it either. I know I should have, I mean I destroyed a two hundred thousand dollar car for fucks sake. But I didn't feel guilty. I felt a little silly for over reacting but guilty… NOPE not one bit.

"Bella I don't know the whole story, but I do know with out a doubt that Edward loves you sweetie and he missed you. After you left.. He wasn't the same. I mean he always stayed to himself, they all did, but when you left…. You never even seen him talk to his family. It was like he was there physically but mentally he was with you, where ever that was." Sam shrugged his shoulders.

"You don't know that Sam. He had his opportunities, he could have… I don't know… but he was the one that said he didn't want ME!"

"Bella honey," Emily said and I turned to look at her. "When I first met Sam he was just starting to go through his changes. He was scared and he didn't know what to do. He pushed me away for as long as he could but I was stubborn. I started to push back. These" She said pointing to the scars that lined her face. "These are my fault. Sam will argue that until he is blue in the face but honestly he told me it wasn't safe. I didn't listen. He lost control, shit happens." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders before continuing.

"What I am trying to say is you can't help who you fall in love with and no matter how much you fight it, if you were meant to be together it will happen, no matter what is said or what obstacles you face. I would be willing to bet anything that he was lying through his pretty white teeth when he said he didn't want you anymore. I would also bet you that he thought it was for your own good. Men are stubborn and stupid at times." She smiled at Sam and I looked at my hands.

"He was going to leave me… they all were." I said picking at something on the table.

"I can't speak for him." Sam started. "But I tried to leave Emily too. I didn't call her or talk to her for two weeks, three days, four hours and fifteen seconds." He smiled at the memory. "It was pure hell. If I know Edward or any of the Cullen's for that matter, it wouldn't have lasted Bella. He would have come back and I am not totally convinced that Alice would have ever left you. They love you Bella."

I buried my face into my hands, wishing everything would just go back to normal.

"Did you know that Edward went and visited your dad at least once a week?" Sam asked. "Alice and Esme cooked and cleaned for him all the time. For creatures that don't eat food, they sure know how to cook it!"

"They never said anything…." I said shaking my head.

"They ALL missed you Bella and they ALL love you. Charlie knew that Bells. That's why he told me if you ever showed up here we were to take you to them. He was sure that they would keep you safe and make you happy. That's all he ever wanted for you Bella, your mom too I am sure, they wanted you to be happy and safe. Shit we all do. You might not see it anymore but you belong with them Bells. You belong with Edward." Sam said while rubbing my shoulder. Emily held my hand and smiled at me.

Werewolves were trying to convince me to trust a vampires…I just shook my head at the irony.

"I just don't know anymore… Everything is just so confusing… its hard for me to trust… to have faith that everything will work out… I just don't know if I have it in me anymore… I…" I struggled to put my thoughts into words. "I feel like humpty dumpty… I have fallen off the wall and I am laying in a million pieces, but I don't know if I can be put back together again…" I finished with a sigh.

"Bella honey you have been through a lot… and I have a feeling it's not over yet but," Sam stopped and looked at Emily smiling. You could feel the love the two of them had for each other and for a minute I was a little jealous.

"But," Emily continued for him. "The Cullen's are NOT your enemies, they are your family Bella, you just have to give them the chance to prove it. Give Edward the opportunity to explain Bella, if nothing else. If you still feel the same way after he explains everything…"

"Then I will light his car on fire." I interrupted her chuckling to myself.

"Then I will bring you the lighter." She smiled at me and I smiled back. "And Bella honey…. If you ever need someone to talk to or someone who will listen or someone who without a doubt cares about you and about what happens to you, remember that we are ALWAYS here for you and we love you too." She reached over and pulled me to her, hugging me.

"I have been hurting for so long now, I have been trying to deal with everything on my own…. I just… I don't want to see the hurt or feel it anymore…. I just want it to go away. I want to be happy and every time I get close to feeling happy…. Something happens and I shatter again…. I just want…I don't even know what I want anymore." I said as I started crying again as Emily held me.

"Bella honey….shhh don't cry." Emily said as she gently stroked my hair. "Everything in our lives happens for a reason, we may never know the reasons why, but there is a purpose behind everything. You just have to be strong enough to wait for your purpose and you are one of the strongest people I have ever met."

I laughed at her. I couldn't help it. How can anyone think I was strong? I have done nothing but run from all my problems for so long. I opened my mouth to voice this opinion when Sam interrupted.

"Bella seriously… I have heard some stories. You, little old human you, stood up to Emmet Cullen. He is one of the biggest and strongest son of a bitches I have ever seen, he scares me!" Sam chuckled "But I hear you have no problem standing up to him! I have heard it took.. what was it FOUR vampires to get you out of your dad's house that night, and then they ended up having to drug you so you wouldn't hurt yourself."

He paused for a second but just as I was about to say something again he continued. "I saw you give Edward a run for his money too… if I remember right he had to drug you then too. Then still unfazed and unafraid you single handedly totaled his two hundred thousand dollar car, then said you didn't give a shit. You are stronger willed than you think."

I didn't know what to say or do. So I just sat back down and stared out into the yard. It was starting to show the first signs of it getting dark.

"Bella I hate to say this right now…" Sam said interrupting my thoughts. "But it is starting to get late… I need to get you back."

I groaned I so didn't want to go back there. "I don't wanna go." I whined.

Sam chuckled again, "Well I am sorry Bella but it's…" His expression fell slightly.

"It's what Sam? What's wrong?"

"I will explain AFTER I take you back HOME. Yes it is your home don't argue with me right now." He shot me a look that dared me to argue with him and I started to take his dare when he continued, "Bella please just trust me. PLEASE?" He gave me a full pout and I caved.

"Oh whatever." I said and rolled my eyes.

"That's my girl! OK I am going to go phase real quick. Jared you stay here with Emily until I get back. Quil you are with me." With that Sam stood and walked off the porch and around the side of the house, out of sight.

Emily stood and held her arms out to me. I stood and walked to her as she pulled me into a huge hug. "You will have to come back and see the baby when he gets here. We are going to name him Charles, after your dad." I felt the tears well up in my eyes again.

"Thank you Emily. That means a lot… thanks for today too… I guess I needed it." I hugged her for a minute then thought. "Hey how are Billy and Jake? I haven't seen to much of them. I thought Jake was Sam's beta?"

"Billy is good. He would love to see you I am sure. As for Jake… none of us see him that much anymore." She looked sad but before I could press the issue Sam came back around the house.

He walked back to the porch and laid down so I could climb on. As he stood he licked Emily then looked at her. It was like he was communicating with her, which in fact he was.

"Sam says hold on tight and don't try anything stupid again or he will carry you by the back of your pants all the way home." She raised an eyebrow at me and I just looked at the ground.

"I didn't know you could understand him when he is like this.." I said more to myself than anyone but Emily answered me anyway.

"I have been able to hear him when he is like that for a while. I don't know why… I just do. But he is the only one I can hear like that." She shrugged like it was nothing then hugged me again.

"But seriously hold on and I will see you next time sweetie."

"Bye Emily." I said then we were moving. Flying back through the trees towards the Cullen's, towards home…..

Home to face the music.


	20. CHAPTERNINETEEN

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

The trip back to the Cullen's was going by to fast and I started to panic a little. I just didn't feel like dealing with all this drama tonight. I tried to think of something to stall or convince him to just take me back to his house. After ten minutes of begging and no response I started to get desperate.

"Sam let's just go play in traffic. I mean I know its Forks and there isn't much traffic but I am willing to travel…" Sam slowed down from his run and I peeked up. The Cullen's house was a few hundred yards in front of us. It looked like every light in the house was on and it looked like it was a beacon lighting our way home.

"Sam I don't want to do this right now… let's just go find Victoria… I think I will just take my chances with her." I sat up urging him to just turn around but he just kept walking ignoring me.

"Let's umm… I….ahhhh…. Let's go into Forks and scare some people? I mean a huge black wolf walking down main street should turn some heads, even in Forks…." I felt Sam snort but he kept walking.

Moments later we were walking out of the tree line and into the backyard. "OK Sam this is far enough…. I can walk from here. You go ahead and go back to Emily." Much to my amazement he stopped and sat down. Which caused me to slide down his back and land on my ass on the ground.

"Asshole. You could have warned me." I mumbled and Sam had turned around to look at me and I swear he was smiling at me sitting on the cold wet ground, but I know I couldn't prove it so I flipped him off and wiped my hands off.

I heard a chuckle come from behind me and I froze. I knew that voice. It was the voice I was desperately trying to avoid. Damn my luck I didn't even make it to the house. This wasn't good.

I didn't even turn around. I knew it was Edward. I just glared at Sam. "Fucking traitor." I said to Sam then started to stand up. I made it to my knees and I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist and lift me to my feet. I expected him to release me but he didn't. He just held me to him.

"UM thanks." I said and tried to step away from him. He held me a moment longer then let me go. I started walking toward the house. I just wanted to be anywhere but here right now. "I am going to go ask Alice if she wants to go shopping…" I mumbled to myself and started to walk faster towards the house.

"Thanks for everything Sam." I said over my shoulder, glancing briefly back at him. When I turned my head back Edward was less than a foot in front of me. I shrieked. His sudden appearance in front of me scared the shit out of me. He found this amusing and started to laugh.

"You can take on vampires and werewolves NO Problem but you are so easy to startle Bella."

"Fuck you Cullen." I said while grabbing my chest trying to keep my heart from exploding out of my chest. I bent over trying to catch my breath placing my hands on my knees.

"I'll take a rain check on that one." He said with a smirk. "Sam needs to talk to us before you try to go hide in the house. Which isn't going to work by the way."

I narrowed my eyes at him and was about to tell him where to go when Sam walked back up to us fastening his shorts.

"Bella before you go I need to tell you something." Sam said.

I gave Edward my best go to hell look and turned back around to look at Sam. "What is it Sam?"

"It's Jake, Bella. I don't know what is going on with him right now but if you see him don't trust him. He has been acting weird lately. Ever since that Victoria has been lurking around. He hasn't been going home and he stopped his patrols. I am not saying that he is on Victoria's side… I guess I am just saying that until we know for sure what is going on… Be careful. We are looking into it as fast as we can, when we figure something out we will let you know."

"I have known Jake my whole life… Do you honestly think he would hurt me?" I asked as a chill went down my spine.

"Bella…. I don't know for sure… but we think he had something to do with your dad's death." My head started to swim. Would Jake really do something like that? Why would he do something like that? I didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry yourself over it right now. I probably shouldn't have said anything until we knew for sure but we all want you to be safe and careful. No more surprises." Sam said as he walked over to me and gave me a hug. "It will be ok Bella."

I was at a loss. I didn't know what to say or do. So I just stood there for a moment looking like an idiot with my mouth hanging wide open.

"OK kids I have to get going. Emily is waiting for me. You two have fun. Oh and Bella try not to destroy anything else?" He smiled deviously at me then laughed when I flipped him off again.

"Bye Sam." I said the I turned around and started stomping back towards the house. Pushing my way past Edward who was looking at me with a little smile playing in the corners of his mouth.

I made it about two steps past him when he grabbed my arm and my heart leapt into my throat. When I looked back at him Sam and Quil were just disappearing into the woods and we were now alone.

I tried to pull my arm free but Edward wasn't letting me go. I was annoyed. I know I didn't really have any reason to be mad but I couldn't help it. I was sick of being manhandled today.

"What do you want Edward?" I snapped at him.

He seemed unfazed by my attitude which only served to piss me off more. "We need to talk Bella."

"We don't NEED to do anything Cullen. I have heard all about the crazy Jessica Stanley. It seems Sam and my dad did a little detective work when it happened. Sam and Emily both said that you never did anything." I said finally pulling my arm free and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well that saves me some time but I need you to know a few things Bella. I need us to be totally crystal fucking clear on a few things." He paused and stared walking slowly towards me. "You are the only person that I have EVER felt like this about Bella. I love you and ONLY you." He stepped closer to me and I backed up towards the house. He looked almost predatory, I felt like he was stalking me. "You are the ONLY person I have ever wanted… like THAT. I wouldn't dream of EVER doing something like that with ANYONE but You."

He was slowly walking towards me. His eyes locked with mine. I stumbled backwards trying to put more distance between us. He was walking faster towards me. I kept walking backwards until my back met the deck. Edward placed a hand on either side of my head and leaned in. Trapping me.

"I don't care what you did to the car Bella. It's just a car. The ONLY thing that could EVER hurt me… Is losing you again. I can't and I WON'T let it happen. You are my life and my forever Bella. Without you… I am nothing. I can replace a car…. There is NO replacement for you."

I was struggling to remember to breath. Edward being this close was making my body go crazy. He leaned closer still, our faces only inches apart. My heart fluttered. He smiled gently then closed his eyes and brushed his lips against mine.

I think my heart stopped as he pressed his lips to mine, deepening the kiss. His tongue traced my lips demanding entrance. I started to part my lips and let him have the access he was demanding… and Alice burst through the doors onto the deck.

"UMM I really hate to interrupt this. Really I do.. But um Bella you look like you have been rolling around in the dirt and Emily called and said you didn't have dinner yet so… Esme has your dinner about done and I figured you would want a shower before…."

I shook my head trying to clear it and stepped around Edward and started walking towards the stairs.

"Umm thanks Alice." I mumbled looking at the ground a little embarrassed by being caught.

"No problem…. I will wait for you upstairs." Then Alice disappeared as I scrambled up the stairs. I was just about to the door when I heard Edward right behind me.

"I am not done with you yet Miss Swan. After dinner your mine for a while."

I swallowed loudly and continued into the house. Hoping and praying my legs would carry me up to my room.

"HEY SLUGGER!" Emmet boomed as I walked through the door. I chuckled and flipped him off and continued up to my room.

As promised Alice was waiting in my room. When I walked into the room she just shook her head.

"I will be throwing those clothes away. You smell like dog and dirt. Did you know you have grass stains on your ass?" She grabbed my hand and pushed me in front of the mirror as she started to wrap my arm so I could wash up.

I looked like hell. I was covered in dirt, dust, grass, and there were a few pieces of glass and sticks stuck in my hair. I laughed at my reflection while I picked out a few pieces of glass from my hair. I looked like I had literally been rolling in the dirt.

"Come on Bella I have a bath ready for you." Alice said when she was done wrapping my arm.

I allowed her to grab my good hand and pull me to the bathroom.

The bathroom smelled like strawberries and vanilla. Alice disappeared for a minute then reappeared holding a trash bag.

I shook my head and started stripping placing each item in the trash bag as I took it off.

Alice stood with the bag held at arms length wrinkling her nose. When I had everything off she tied the bag in knots and set it on the floor. When I was settled in the tub she excused herself grabbing the bag and practically running she left the room.

I sat back in the tub and let the warm water relax me. I closed my eyes and thought about Edward. A smile came to my lips when I thought about the brief kiss we shared. I was brought back to reality by a knock on the door. Rose entered when I said come in.

"Bella I have been sent by Alice to help you wash your hair. She is outback burning the clothes you had on today." She said as she sat on the edge of the tub.

"That girl has issues." I said teasingly. As Rose began to wash my hair.

"Yeah she does, but she loves you a lot Bella. We all do. She feels really bad about today."

"Yeah but she shouldn't. I overreacted. I should have let her explain or wait for Edward to explain. I just…. It's just REALLY hard for me to trust anyone… I have been on my own for a while now. I.."

"Bella we understand trust me. You have been through a lot in the last few years. We just want you to know that you aren't alone anymore. AND NO MATTER WHAT happens YOU are not alone anymore. You are a part of this family whether you like it or not missy."

I laughed at her and for the first time in a long time I felt like I really was at HOME. Where I belonged and I sighed contently.

"Come on Bella." Rose said after a few minutes. "Go rinse off in the shower. Esme just said your dinner would be done in five minutes."

"Ok." I said and Rose helped me stand up. Once I was out of the tub Rose walked over to the shower and turned it on for me.

"You ok to rinse off? I am going to go make sure Alice has pajamas out for you instead of a dress and heals." She said smiling.

"Yeah I think I can handle rinsing off by myself." I said as I stepped into the shower and closed the door behind me.

Rose laughed slightly then said, "There is a towel for you on the hook by the shower and your robe is on the counter."

"Thanks Rose." I said and stepped under the water of the shower.

"Anytime Bella." She replied then I heard the door click closed.

I quickly finished rinsing off and got out of the shower. I dried off then flipped my hair over my head and wrapped the towel around it, slipped on my robe and started to make my way to my bedroom.

I paused at the door listening to Rose and Alice arguing over what I should put on. Shaking my head I opened the door.

Alice was standing there holding a silky blue nightgown. Very pretty but I had to go back downstairs for a while, so not very practical.

Rose stood there holding a pair of yoga pants and panties.

"OK Alice I love you but there is NO way in hell I am going downstairs with nothing else on but that thing. Rose hand me those." I said as I walked over to her.

She stuck her tongue out at Alice and met me half way. I pulled the panties on then the yoga pants.

"OK now I need a t-shirt. Nothing fancy Alice I am just going to go to bed." Alice went into full pout. "Alice I love you but please just tell me where to locate a shirt. I can't find anything in that thing." I said pointing to the closet. "I am afraid to go in because I will never find my way out."

Alice trying to be stubborn crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her hip out. "Ha-ha Bella just for that I will let you go find your own shirt."

I laughed at her expression. You could tell she was just playing around she wasn't really mad but she was challenging me to find a simple t-shirt. "Find a plain white t-shirt in under two minutes and I will let you have ONE get out of shopping free card. You can tell me no once when I want to go shopping." Alice challenged with a smile. "You don't find one we go shopping tomorrow and I get to buy you whatever I want. NO arguments from you."

I stood there for a moment staring into the closet door, contemplating my odds.

"You better at least try Bella. If you find one you will be the first ever to get out of shopping legally with Alice." Rose said with a snort. "Good luck."

"SO I just have to find ONE white tee right?" I asked Alice.

"Yep." She replied popping the P

I smiled deviously at her and spun on my heals and walked to the door.

"No way Bella that's not fair! That's cheating!" Alice said as she walked after me.

"You never said it had to come out of that closet!" I said and opened the door and headed towards the stairs. I walked up one flight and marched down the hall. It was the first time I had been up here since before I left. But I didn't let that stop me. I walked right up to Edward's door and knocked loudly as I pushed the door open.

Edward was sitting on the edge of a huge bed that had taken the spot of the black couch. He smiled at me as I walked in Alice following at my heals.

"Hi!" I said hoping I wasn't pushing my luck. He didn't say anything he just smiled and nodded, knowing what I was there for.

I smiled back and spun around and walked to his closet. Opening the door I was relieved to see nothing had changed since the last time I had been in there. More clothes maybe but everything was still in the same spots.

I walked into the closet a few steps and pulled out one of the built in drawers and found my white tee.

"AHA!" I exclaimed as I pulled the shirt from the drawer. I spun around and walked out of the closet holding the shirt in front of me. "You can just leave that get out of jail, I mean shopping card, on my night stand! Thank you Edward."

He chuckled at Alice's expression of shock and replied, "Anytime love. What's mine is yours. But in exchange for that shirt you have to go with me to look at new cars, seeing as I am in the market for a couple of them now." He smiled innocently at me.

"Deal! I would rather go car shopping with you than spend ANOTHER day of pain and torture shopping with the pixie." I joked and walked into his bathroom to slip the shirt on.

"It's only a one time pass Bella. There will be more!" Alice called after me.

"That's ok Alice I still have time to come up with excuses for the rest of them." I said as I walked out of the bathroom holding my robe in one hand and pulling the towel off my head with the other.

As I walked out of the bathroom I froze. There on Edward's nightstand was the only picture ever taken of me and him and my dad.

"Where did you find that? I looked everywhere for that before I left." I asked as I walked over to pick up the picture.

It was taken about a month or so after I had gotten my cast off my leg after the whole James incident. Alice and Edward were at my house helping me study for a Spanish exam. Dad had come home from fishing and while I fixed him dinner he and Edward watched a baseball game on TV. Alice convinced us all to get together and take a picture.

"We all looked so happy." I said running my fingers over the frame remembering.

"We were…. If I remember correctly it was the first time after the incident that your dad would even look at me much less talk to me. I found it on the mantle in your dad's living room after he passed. You can have it if you want it." He said gently. "I have other stuff…." We were interrupted by Emmet's voice booming from downstairs.

"SLUGGER! YOUR DINNER'S DONE!"

Conversation was ended temporarily as I turned to leave the room.

"I'll get it later." I said to Edward not making eye contact. I didn't want him to see the tears that were beginning to form from looking at the picture. I really missed my dad and seeing his smiling face in a picture was still kind of hard.

As I walked past Edward he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. Wrapping his arms around me he didn't say a word he just held me. It was like he knew I was upset by seeing the picture and it touched me that he could still read me so well.

"Edward I'm sorry…"

He placed a hand over my mouth silencing me. "Bella there is no need for you to apologize for anything. We both messed up. We both made mistakes and overreacted. Let's try to just put the past behind us and move forward. As long as you are here with me I don't care about anything else."

He was looking into my eyes with such intensity it felt like he was trying to burn the words into my brain and I stood helplessly looking into his eyes.

"Come on Bella! Esme said you better get your butt downstairs before it gets cold." Alice said impatiently behind me.

I shook my head clear and stepped away from him. How the hell did he do that? Damn vampires. I said to myself as I was pulled from the room by Alice. Edward followed close behind laughing at Alice.

Esme had made me a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. Homemade right down to the noodles. It was the best I had ever had.

When I was done eating everyone was sitting around the table talking about their day. It was kind of surreal for me. It just seemed so normal and I just wasn't used to normal anymore.

Rose talked about the modifications she was going to start on Emmet's jeep. Alice chattered about some sale that was starting Saturday at her favorite store. Emmet talked with Jasper about the ball game that was on TV. Carlisle talked about his shift at the hospital. Esme, like me, was content to just sit and listen to them all. Edward didn't say anything and seemed content to just sit and stare at me.

I did my best to just ignore him, because he was starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I sat there for a little while listening to them all and finally excused myself.

I got up and took my bowl into the kitchen and washed it out and set it in the sink. I turned around and walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.

I started to walk back to the table for a little while longer with everyone but as I walked out of the kitchen I was lifted off the ground and flung over Emmet's shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Come on Bells come watch the rest of the game with us."

"That's sounds like fun Emmet but I am fairly sure I can walk."

"Yeah but this way you don't detour and destroy anymore cars."

"Fuck you Emmet! I should go flatten all your tires for that one."

He laughed out loud then said, "Yeah as long as that's all you did it would be ok… but my jeep can't handle a Louisville slugger through the windshield."

"Neither could the Vanquish but that didn't stop me." I replied as I was tossed gently onto the couch.

"I know it took us three hours to clean up all the glass. You should have seen the guys face that came and towed it to the junk yard. When he saw the bat sticking out of the back windshield… MAN it was priceless!" Emmet started laughing again as Edward wandered into the living room and sat next to me on the couch.

Emmet sat next to me on the floor. Jasper and Alice were sharing a chair. Rose, Esme, and Carlisle were still in the dining room talking at the table.

My body seemed very aware of Edward. There was a couple feet between us but it felt like a mile. I curled my legs underneath me and tried to watch the game and ignore him the best I could.

"Awww come on can we get a rebound. Shit come on guys!" Emmet yelled at the TV and jumped to his feet. He turned around and looked at me. "Hey scoot down and let me sit on the couch too."

"So sit there is enough room between us for you to sit."

"Nope sorry I need the arm rest."

"I was here first."

"I put you there and now I will move you again." He smiled impatiently at me and scooped me up and moved me down on the couch, then plopped down where I was sitting, taking up half the couch. I was now squished between Edward and Emmet.

"Comfy?" Emmet snickered and he leaned closer to me taking up more room.

"Hardly." I muttered then went to stand up. "But that's ok, I think I am just going to go…."

Before I could finish my sentence I was pulled into Edward's lap and I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"I told you that after dinner you were mine. You aren't going anywhere yet, sit with us and watch TV." Edward whispered in my ear. I looked up at him slightly startled. He just smiled his crooked smile and gazed into my eyes.

"Here sweetie. You probably will need this sitting on his lap." Esme was standing in front of me unfolding a blanket. She draped it over me and Edward tucked it in around me. It was the softest and warmest blanket I had ever felt. It was a rich burgundy color and absolutely gorgeous.

It felt so right. Sitting there being held by Edward surrounded by people that truly cared about me. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt like this and the more I thought about it…. I had never felt like this.

Mom and Charlie had divorced when I was still a baby. Mom only dated on and off and most of the time I was the one taking care of her like this. Not the other way around.

I had never really had the whole "family" thing, ever and until now I never realized what I had been missing. It was this moment that I realized I could never go back to being alone. There was no point in trying to sugar coat it. This was my family. I was finally home. This is what I had been wanting for so long. A place to belong and fit in.

I felt the tears start to gather in my eyes and I started blinking quickly trying to stop them before they spilled over.

This is what Charlie had wanted for me. He knew this is where I belonged before I did.

"What's wrong love?" Edward asked stroking my cheek.

"Nothing, I guess I am just happy." I replied and snuggled a little closer to him. He tightened his arm around me and kissed my cheek. His other hand resting on my thigh.

"That's all we have ever wanted for you." He said with a smile.

"OK you two….. Shhhh the game is on!" Emmet said with a smile.

We sat there watching the game for a while. Sometime around halftime Carlisle walked into the room.

"Is anyone expecting anyone? A car just turned off the road into the drive." Everyone shook their heads and started to get up.

"Do you think we should take Bella upstairs?" Esme asked.

They all froze and looked at me for a moment concentrating. It was Alice that answered with a groan. "No it's ahh…. It's for Edward."

I felt Edward stiffen besides me. His eyes going almost black with anger. "I can't believe it." He muttered.

They all stood there listening to the car come up the driveway, their lips trembling. They were talking to each other and I couldn't hear them. It was starting to get annoying.

"Would someone like to tell me what's going on?" I huffed just as there was a knock on the door. No one moved. They just stood there looking from me to Edward.

Whoever it was knocked again. Again no one even flinched.

"Oh good god. A house full of vampires afraid to answer a fucking door." I said and pushed my way past all of them.

"Bella wait…." I heard someone say but I ignored them. They obviously weren't to worried about me opening the door because no one tried to physically stop me.

The door bell sounded again, followed by someone beating on the door. Whoever it was, was impatient and rude. I was always taught that you didn't call anyone's house before 10am and if it was after 9pm you call before you show up. Standing unannounced beating on someone's door at 10:00 at night like they were crazy… just not cool in my book.

So by the time I made it to the door, I was beyond annoyed. I flung the door open and there stood none other than Jessica Fucking Stanley. I resisted the urge to fling myself on her and beat the living snot out of her. Barely.

"What in the hell do you want Stanley?" I snapped.

"I came to see my boyfriend. Could you go fetch him SWAN?" She snapped back.

"You must have the wrong house, there is NO ONE in this house stupid enough to date you." I said with a smile. I heard someone behind me chuckle.

"Listen you little bitch go get Edward for me NOW." She screamed at me and that did it. I saw red but I remained calm. I clenched my fists and took a step out the door as she took a step backwards.

"I am going to give you to the count of five Jessica to turn around and go back to your fucking car and just drive away. Don't come back and don't bother any of us ever again. Edward isn't yours. Never has been, never will be so just go home and grow the fuck up."

I was fighting the urge to shove my fist down her pretty little throat when the stupid bitch said, "And if I don't? What the fuck are you going to do?"

I smiled at her. A huge, wide, smart assed, toothy grin. Then replied simply, "This." I pulled my fist back and swung. I caught her jaw she fell on her ass. I was in mid leap when I felt someone grab me from behind.

I screamed in rage. I wanted to beat the shit out of the little bitch. Teach her some manners. "She isn't worth it." I heard Edward say into my ear as he held me tightly to him. I stood there struggling for a second, trying to get to her.

"I just want to help her to her car." I begged. I just wanted one more swing at her. Jessica just sat there on the ground holding her jaw staring at me shocked.

I started laughing when I really looked at her for the first time.

"You know what Edward. Your right. She isn't worth it." I relaxed in his arms but he didn't let me go. I stopped trying to shrug him off and looked at Jessica who was still sitting on the front porch holding her jaw.

"Jessica you have about five seconds to get up and get in your car and get the hell out of here. Before I make Edward let her go." Rose said as she stepped between me and Jessica. Rose looked pissed, and I mean truly pissed and Rose is really scary looking when she is pissed.

"He's mine…." Jessica stuttered.

"NO Bitch! He is mine!" I screamed at her. "He has never been yours and he never will be. HE IS MINE! I swear to god if you don't get your fucking ass off MY porch I will find you Stanley…. And Edward won't be there to stop me next time." I tried to kick at her as Edward started dragging me back into the house.

Rose simply walked over to Jessica and grabbed her shirt and lifted her to her feet. Then she proceeded to push her to her car.

"Get in. LEAVE. Don't come back." Rose said as she opened Jessica's door and pushed her inside.

After another second Jessica started her car and drove off.

"ALRIGHT GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!" Emmet laughed. "You go Slugger!"

I ignored him and Alice smacked him upside his head. I was seething. I wanted to strangle the little bitch for all the things she had said and done to me and to Edward since I left.

Instead I was drug back into the house.

"She won't be back anytime soon…. And she won't be bothering Edward anymore either. Bella you have already been deemed a psychotic bitch but she won't bother us anymore." Alice said with a little laugh.

"Well I guess I have been called worse…" I said to myself but everyone burst out laughing.

"Come on slugger, let's go watch the end of the game." Emmet said as he grabbed my arm. Edward never let go but allowed Emmet to pull us into the living room.

"I'll get some ice for your fist sweetheart." Esme said then disappeared.

Moments later we were sitting back in the same spots as before. Me cradled in Edward's lap with him gently rubbing my leg. Esme and Carlisle curled up together on the love seat and I held the ice pack to my throbbing wrist.

"Yeah Carlisle can you get Bella something for pain? Her fist is hurting pretty bad right now." Jasper said with a frown.

"It's not that bad Carlisle. Really." I said after I shot Jasper a look.

"Nonsense Bella. I can get you something mild." Carlisle said then disappeared.

Moments later he reappeared holding two pills and a bottle of water.

"Please just take them love. There is no need to sit there in any amount of pain." Edward whispered into my ear.

"Fine." I huffed and took the pills. Carlisle went back to the couch and we all went back to watching the end of the game.

I never made it to the end of the game. About fifteen minutes later I started yawning and feeling the affects of my day. I was exhausted.

Edward didn't say a word that I could hear. He just rose cradling me in his arms and holding me to his chest and walked out of the room.

Moments later we were standing inside my bedroom. Edward walked to my bed and while still holding me to him he pulled the covers back then laid me down.

I was already starting to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows. Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead as he pulled the covers up around me.

"Edward?" I mumbled.

"Yes love?"

"Will you stay with me for a while?"

I felt him crawl into the bed next to me then pull me up against him.

"I will stay with you forever love." He whispered to me while kissing the top of my head.

This was the last thing I remembered as sleep took me away.


	21. CHAPTERTWENTY

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

A few days past by and Edward and I continued to get reacquainted. It was a little weird now though. Before everything happened it was always Edward who pulled back, he was always in control. But now I found myself being the one that pulled back or walked away when things got to intense.

I don't know what it was. I just didn't want to rush into anything again. I was so ready to run off into the sunset with him before, not caring what the consequences were, now I just felt like I had to be sure this is what I wanted before I jumped.

Edward never pushed me though. He seemed to sense I needed time to wrap my head around everything that was happening in my life. Both the good and the bad.

So now here I lay. Edward, Emmet, and Rose hunting. Alice and Jasper off doing god knows what. All I could get out of her was some story about needing to meet with some designer in New York and shopping. I lost interest when she mentioned the shopping.

Esme was around somewhere and Carlisle was in his office.

It was late or early depending on which way you looked at it and I couldn't sleep. The udder stillness of the house was driving me nuts. I have no freaking clue how I did this for three years. Alone and quiet wasn't something I was used to anymore. I missed everyone. Especially Edward.

Up until this morning when he left we were inseparable. I fell asleep in his arms and woke to his smile. I missed his smell and I missed him singing me to sleep every night.

A week had went by since my fight with Jessica and the Vanquish. I heard nothing about them except from Emmet who insisted on calling me Slugger now. I even missed him and his crazy ass.

I felt the tears start falling from my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I wiped them away angrily. My god Swan get a grip. They will all be back Wednesday. It just sucked it was only 3 am Tuesday. I only had to get through one more day and one more night and everyone would be home.

That wasn't helping me calm down. So I flipped back the covers and crawled may ass out of bed. I stood there next to the bed for a minute trying to figure out what I wanted to do.

"What did you do when they weren't here to bug the shit out of you?" I said out loud to myself. "Well you watched TV, listened to music, worked out….." It felt like there was a weight sitting on my chest and I began crying harder as I sank to the floor.

I felt like I was loosing my mind. I had gotten used to being surrounded by people, being held and touched. I couldn't handle the solitude anymore.

I forced myself to stand and walk. I walked to the door of my room and out into the hall. Before I realized where I was going I was walking into Edward's room. Still crying I crawled into his bed and curled up grabbing the remote for the TV.

His scent surrounding me helped me regain some composer. I turned the TV on and began channel surfing. Moments later there was a knock on the door. For a split second I felt bad for being in Edward's room like this but as Esme walked in smiling at me my worries melted away.

She was carrying a box and my cell. She tossed me my cell then set the box on the corner of the bed and smiled at me.

"Alice said I would find you in here. It was funny though, I didn't know I was looking for you until she told me." Esme said with a smile and a little laugh. "She said I should bring you your phone and this box. She said call her when you had both."

Before I could dial anything on the phone it rang and I wasn't surprised to see that it was Alice. "Hello Alice." I said trying to sound annoyed but I had never been so happy to talk to Alice before. I would have even talked to her about shopping… this is how desperate I was.

"Hey to you. Listen I knew this was going to suck for you so I arranged a little entertainment. I hope you don't mind but Jasper and I stopped by your mom's house." She paused probably waiting for a reaction from me but I didn't mind. I trusted her and Jasper.

"I don't mind but why didn't you just ask me?"

"I didn't know until me and Jaz were halfway through Illinois. I just got to thinking about everything that happened to you and I realized you didn't really have much from your mom's house. Plus with as fast as you headed out I was sure there was some things that needed taken care of."

"I never really thought about it until you mentioned it just now." I could just imagine the nastiness that was the fridge. Milk three years plus past its expiration date, along with the few other groceries I could just imagine the smell.

"Yeah not pleasant. I made Jasper clean the fridge. He says you owe him by the way." She giggled as I laughed out loud at the thought of Jasper cleaning moldy food out of my mom's fridge.

"Yeah I will make it up to him. Tell him I said thanks."

"I will but the reason I called is the box." I looked at the box that Esme was sitting next to. "Look in it Bella. This stuff might help you get through the next day and a half… or at least get some sleep tonight."

I crawled out from under the covers and over to where Esme was sitting. I sat back down and crossed my legs and pulled the box to me, still balancing the phone on my shoulder.

I opened the box and I dropped the phone. The tears came back as I pulled my mom's quilt out of the box. I buried my face in it and sobbed. It smelled clean, like the detergent my mom used to use…. So it smelled like home. I hadn't noticed Esme move until I felt her hand on my shoulder. She had also put Alice on speaker phone to make it easier to talk.

"Alice I…."

"Shh Bella it's ok. I didn't mean to intrude and I was going to surprise you when I got home but I saw how upset you were and I knew this would help. I packed up everything of value and shipped it to the house it should be there Thursday. This box I sent express. I didn't want to take the chance of loosing anything in it. Go through it and remember we all love you and it's torture for all of us to be away from you too. We love you Bella."

"I love you guys too." I choked out as Esme pulled me into her arms wrapping the quilt around me.

"We will see you Wednesday Bella. Try and relax." With that Alice hung up and I was left sobbing in Esme's arms in Edward's bed.

She let me cry for a little while then she pulled away slightly and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"You want to look through the rest of the box?" She asked looking into my eyes. "I can leave if you like?" She added as I hesitated for a moment.

"NO! Please don't leave me right now. Please?" I practically begged her. Grabbing her hands, "Look with me?"

She smiled and nodded as we pulled the box between us. Still wrapped in the quilt I peered into the box.

The first thing I pulled out was my baby book. My mom religiously filled out every page during her pregnancy with me. There was all the normal stuff, birth weight foot and hand prints, even a few pictures of her and Charlie moments after I was born. Looking at the pictures with Esme was comforting. I handed the book to Esme who was looking at it like it was the first copy of the bible or something. If she could cry she would have been crying right along with me.

"Bella you have no idea how precious this is. This is proof of how much your mom loved you even before she met you, you can see the love in her eyes in these pictures… in her words…" She trailed off thumbing carefully through the book. Reading every word my mother wrote about me.

I peered back into the box. Every single home movie my mom had was packed neatly into the bottom of the box. On top of them was all the photo albums my mom had of me growing up. Alice had placed a note inside the first one saying that these were the ones that had me in them. The rest would be here Thursday with the rest of the stuff.

I set the albums on the bed and began looking at the video tapes. Everything was there from my first steps to my ballet recitals. Each labeled. Vacations, trips, everything was there.

"You want to watch one? I am sure Edward has everything we need somewhere." Esme asked as she laid the baby book on the night stand. I could do nothing but nod. "Does it matter which one?" She asked.

"You choose." I managed. She smiled at me and glanced through the tapes. She picked out the one labeled first steps and walked to the TV. She pressed something and a door slid open and revealed a DVD player and a VHS player.

I looked at her surprised she knew where it was because I never would have found it. "I helped him set the room up. I know where everything is." She said with a smile when she saw my confused look.

I smiled back and scooted back up to the head of the bed and leaned against the headboard. I grabbed a pillow and wrapped my arms around it then wrapped the quilt around both me and the pillow. I now could smell my mom and Edward and it brought peace into my heart.

Esme picked up a controller for the VCR and grabbed the box of Kleenex from the nightstand, then crawled into the bed and sat next to me. She put her arm around me and I snuggled into her as she hit play.

Moments later we were surrounded by the sounds of my mothers laughter as I took my first steps as a child. Clumsy right from the start I spent more of my time falling down than actually walking but you could hear the pride in my mom's voice as I took my first few shaky steps.

Hearing her voice again brought on a mixture of peace and sadness. Peace knowing that I would forever have her voice to replay whenever I needed it. But sadness knowing I would never be able to feel her hug me or kiss me telling me everything would be ok. She would never again be able to pick me up when I fell.

I continued to cry as the tape went on showing the days following my first steps. Complete with a naked bath tub scene. I had to laugh at that. Mom didn't miss anything.

We sat in silence for a long time Esme holding me and eventually she convinced me to lay down. She grabbed another pillow and laid it in her lap. I laid my head down in her lap and she gently stroked my hair as we watched me playing in the sandbox around the age of one.

After a few more scenes of me playing and one of me running around the house naked with my mom chasing me with the camera, I looked up at Esme.

"Thank you Esme. For being here for me tonight. I didn't think it would be this bad."

"Sweetie I love you and I know I will never replace your mother and I don't want to but…. I will always be there when you need me. I love you Bella, like you were my own daughter. You have brought so much happiness into our family since you came into our lives. You have no idea what you mean to us. Bella I would go to the ends of the earth to see you smile." The tears pooled back into my eyes again.

"Shhh no more tears tonight sweetie. Close your eyes and rest. Tomorrow you, me and Carlisle can watch some more movies."

"He doesn't have to work?" I asked surprised.

"No he took a couple days off so the three of us could spend some time together." I was sure it had something to do with Victoria's presence in the area but I didn't mention it. I just let myself be comforted by Esme as I listened to the sound of my mother's voice as I fell asleep.

I had fallen asleep sometime after four am so it wasn't a surprise to me that it was nearly 11am when I woke up. I was surprised to find Esme still sitting in the same position she was sitting in when I fell asleep. She had stayed with me all night.

"Good morning sweetheart." She said as she bent and kissed my forehead.

"You didn't have to stay…. I…"

"Nonsense. I had no where else I would rather have been. Carlisle came in and sat with us for a while…. He looked at your wrist. He said if you wanted he could probably take the cast off now and fit you with a brace."

I sat straight up and looked at her eagerly. "REALLY?" I screeched. I could shower alone again. That I missed. I hated having to rely on everyone for everything. Besides it's a little humbling to be buck ass naked in front of someone as beautiful as Rose or Alice… when I was just so plain.

"Yes really!" I heard Carlisle laugh as he walked into the door. "Come on let's go get that thing off while Esme makes you some breakfast… or lunch." He said with a glance at the clock then at Esme.

I looked at Esme then. She looked different to me. Happier, content, peaceful. I crawled back over to her and wrapped my arms around her neck hugging her as tightly as I possibly could.

"Thanks again Esme. I love you so much." I whispered to her. I know Carlisle could hear but it was meant for her. "I think I would have went crazy last night if it wasn't for you."

She hugged me tightly then pushed me back slightly, smiling. "Go get your cast off while I fix something for you to eat."

I smiled and nodded as I crawled out of the bed. Leaving my blanket wrapped in the sheets and pillows.

I followed Carlisle down to his office in less than ten minutes I was finally free from the bulky ugly cast. I flexed my hand experimentally. It was sore but it wasn't to bad.

Carlisle showed me how to put the brace on and how to take it off. After he had showed me everything there was to know about the brace he held my hand looking at it.

After a moment he looked up at me and said. "Bella I want to say thank you."

I was instantly confused what had I done that Carlisle was thanking me?

"I have never seen Esme so happy. You sharing everything you did with her last night and asking her to stay with you… It meant a lot to her… and seeing her this happy…. Thank you Bella." With that he bent and gave me a hug. I hugged him back.

"Carlisle I… I think I would have lost it big time last night if it wasn't for Esme. I should be thanking her…."

"Honey, I can honestly say that I know it was her pleasure. It's not often the others need her like you needed her.. Or need her at all for that matter."

I smiled at him. I knew at that moment that I could never live without ANY of the Cullen's. They were my family now, my life and I loved them all.

"Now go take a shower or whatever you need to do. Esme said food would be ready in about thirty minutes." He shooed me out the door so I could go get cleaned up.

* * *

A/N

I would like to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed or placed this story on alert. It means more to me than you will ever know!


	22. CHAPTERTWENTYONE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I wandered back slowly towards my room, feeling truly happy and content for the first time in so long. The smell of French toast and bacon wafting up the stairs.

I walked into my room and found the clothes Alice had laid out for me to wear. I picked them up and looked at them. They just seemed to dressy for lounging around the house. So I walked to the monstrosity that she called a closet and opened the door.

I groaned as I looked. Soon it wouldn't be safe for me to open the door with the fear of being buried alive by clothes. I shook my head and pushed my way to the back of the closet where my bag still lay. I dug out my oldest most comfy pair of blue jeans. Then stood there staring at the clothes that surrounded me. I would never find anything in this closet so I just walked out. I would just steal one of Edward's Tees again. I grabbed a pair of panties and a bra, then headed up to Edward's room.

I opened his closet door and walked over to where he kept his tees. There was a note on the top shirt.

_Bella,_

_At least wear one of his colored shirts. Plain white is boring. I set a nice tee on the couch. Use it. I will see if you don't! _

_Love Alice_

Oh for heavens sake! I laughed to myself as I peeked out the door at the couch in the corner and she really did have a royal blue tee laying on the couch. I contemplated momentarily on just grabbing one of the white ones just to piss her off, but I didn't feel like spending my afternoon listening to her on the phone complaining about my fashion sense.

So instead I walked over to the couch and picked up the shirt.

I was halfway back out of the room so I could go take a shower when I paused and just decided to use Edward's bathroom.

His bathroom was attached to the room. It was big and it had the same tub as I did. The difference between the two was the huge shower. I striped quickly and stepped into the shower. I was surprised to find both his shampoo and soap along with mine. I didn't know if that was Alice's doing or his but I honestly didn't care as I turned on the shower.

The water seemed to come from every direction. It was like standing under a waterfall, just warmer and cleaner. It was heavenly. It felt like the best shower of my life.

I just stood under the stream for a moment letting the water rinse away all my troubles and fears and the fact that I could wash my own hair was enough to make me smile.

I took my time washing my hair but all to soon I was clean and ready to get out and go find the bacon Esme was making.

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel off the rack next to the shower. I wrapped it around me then grabbed another and wrapped my hair. I walked back out into the room and quickly got dressed.

I was rubbing my hair dry when I heard Esme call me from downstairs. So with wet hair and barefooted I padded down the stairs to the kitchen.

She smiled as I walked into the kitchen.

"Go sit down and I will fix you a plate. You want some orange juice?"

"Yes please." I said as I headed towards the dining room. Carlisle was sitting there reading the newspaper as I walked into the room.

He folded the paper and set it down as I sat down.

"So would it be ok if I sat with you and Esme and watched some of your movies with you? There is a VCR in the living room so we can just go in there." He smiled at me then added. "If you don't want me to…."

I cut him off. "Carlisle please. I would be delighted if you watched with us. It's Emmet who will be restricted on which ones he watches." I smiled at him thinking about the never ending jokes that was no doubt bound to come from Emmet after he watched some of the movies. I mean my mom video taped everything…. Even potty training.

I could just hear Emmet's mouth if he ever got to watch that one. Mom making a huge deal out of the fact that I "made a poopie in the big girl potty".

"Esme if there are some that I need to hide will you put them up for me? I am fairly sure Emmet wouldn't even think about going through your stuff." I asked as Esme walked into the room carrying a huge plate of French toast and bacon. My stomach growled in appreciation.

"He wouldn't dare and yes anything you feel the need to hide from Emmet I will put up for you." She said as she set the plate down in front of me then went back to get my orange juice.

I happily dug into the French toast which I had to admit was better than even my Gran's, which until now was my favorite.

"This is AMAZING Esme!" I said between bites.

"Thank you sweetie. I am glad you like it!" She said as she sat down next to me but across from Carlisle.

We chit chatted while I ate. Talking about the weather and odd stuff like that. Carlisle said he expected everyone home sometime after two am.

When I was done I grabbed my plate and carried it to the kitchen rinsed it off and placed it in the sink. I stopped by the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water then headed to the living room where Carlisle had brought the box down and set it on the coffee table.

We started with the family vacation videos and went from there. We made two piles of movies as we went. One pile for the ones Emmet could watch and one for the ones I wanted put up for now.

Esme had me sit on the floor in front of her while we watched the first movie. She combed my hair until it was dry then French braided it out of my face. It was something my mom used to do for me all the time and also something she loved to do while we watched a movie together. She loved to comb my hair and braid it or just sometime play around with it. It was soothing to me now as Esme did it.

"You went to the zoo a lot as a child." Carlisle said after the third movie of mom and me at the zoo.

"Yeah mom and I have went to almost every zoo in the country. There are only two that we hadn't been to yet and we had plans to go to both before she got so wrapped up with Phil and I moved. We just never found the time…"

We watched as my mom followed me with the camera, catching every stumble and smile I had as I looked at the animals.

"I love the zoo. I wanted to be a zoologist for a long time just so I could work with all the different animals." I said remembering fondly playing doctor with my stuffed animals and of course the next scene on the screen was just that.

I didn't even know she was filming me as I played doctor with my stuffed elephant. I was wrapping the trunk with toilet paper when she started laughing and I noticed her standing there and waved at her and the camera.

This is what we did all afternoon. Carlisle laughed out loud at my ballet recital tapes. There was only a couple of them but mom insisted I tried even though more than once I ended up on my ass in the middle of the routines. Once I even manage to trip half of my class right along with me. That was one tape that went in the NO EMMET pile.

Sometime around Eight at night Esme went and made me a sandwich and I ate it while we watched my first attempts at riding a bike. I had ended up scratched and slightly bruised when I was unable to stop and rode into the neighbors Lilac bushes.

"She wanted to take me to the ER that night." I said smiling at the memory. "I had to reassure her that I was ok and nothing was broke." I chuckled to myself and both Carlisle and Esme laughed out loud.

I had crawled on the couch between them and laid my head in Esme's lap again while we watched and before long I was asleep.

I only woke for a moment when Carlisle laid me down in bed. I noticed he had carried me to Edward's room, not mine and I was about to say something when Esme appeared.

"Shh just go back to sleep. Your quilt was still in here and I figured you would sleep better here anyway. Trust me sweetie…. He won't mind." With that she bent down kissed my forehead and pulled the quilt up around me.

I was already falling back to sleep when Carlisle bent and kissed my forehead and walked out of the room.

Esme sat on the edge of the bed humming softly as I drifted back to sleep.

I don't know what time it was but I knew the moment Edward was home, somehow I just felt his presence, even in my sleep.

Moments after I felt his presence I felt him crawling into bed with me. I didn't have to even open my eyes to know it was him and I smiled as I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me to him.

"Hey.." I mumbled still half asleep, still not opening my eyes.

"Hey yourself." I heard him say as he kissed my cheek. "It seems right to have you here in our bed waiting for me. I missed you."

"Missed you too." I replied trying to wake up and open my eyes. I tried to roll over so I was facing him but he held me tightly to his chest.

"No love, just sleep now. Esme said you didn't sleep well last night, so rest now and we will talk later." He said as he pulled me against him holding me tightly against his chest.

I didn't argue, I just let him hold me and drifted back to sleep.

Sometime later I felt Edward's hand resting on my stomach. His hand touching the bare skin and the coolness of his touch woke me up. My eyes fluttered open and I was looking into Edward's beautiful eyes. The color of his eyes showed me that he had fed well. They were the lightest shade of butterscotch.

"Good morning Beautiful." He said as he bent his head and kissed me. What a way to wake up. I smiled as he kissed me and wrapped my arms around his neck and wove my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer and kissing him harder.

We groaned as I opened my mouth and he slid his tongue into my mouth. His hand slid slowly up my stomach towards my breast. He stopped just below my breast and broke the kiss momentarily.

"You taste… you feel… Bella… I love you so much."

"I love you too, Edward." I replied as I kissed him again. Trying to show him just how much I loved him with my kiss.

But he pulled back this time. Which is something he hadn't done since the days he used to sneak into my bedroom through the window.

"What's wrong?" I asked breathless and confused.

"Bella, I love you with everything in my being and I want nothing more than to be with you in everyway…. But there are two things stopping me… one more than the other." "What is it Edward?" I asked cupping his cheek. He moved so he was propped up on his arm looking at me and I rolled so I could see him better.

"Bella one I would like our first time to be special. Not with the whole house full of super hearing vampires. But more importantly…." He paused looking at me. He seemed slightly unsure of himself and that just wasn't Edward. He always knew what to say and he was always confident.

"What is it Edward? Just tell me." I tried to put a little distance between us hoping that would help him but he grabbed my waist and held me to the bed.

"Bella.. I don't know what it would do to you."

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused.

"Bella… there isn't any proof as to what… ugh. I don't know how to explain this."

"Just spit it out Edward. It's ok."

He took a deep unnecessary breath then just said it. "Bella. There isn't anything saying that it would be safe for us to have sex. For all we know my… stuff…. Could change you. So before we take that step, I want you to be sure about your choice because I don't want to have to worry about it if something happens."

"OH… I see."

"I may be over thinking it. I mean there isn't anything written to prove it would do anything to you. It's not that common for a Vampire to make love to a human. I don't want something to happen you would regret."

I wouldn't regret making love to Edward. Of that I was sure, but I wasn't totally ready to take the chance of being turned just yet. I knew I wanted to be with the Cullen's, all of them… but was I ready to give up everything else….

Wait what else did I have? The Cullen's were it. No one else was left in my life.

My mind was going into overdrive part of me want to say fuck it and just jump Edward and to hell with the consequences but there was still a very small part of me that was scared and unsure.

"I love you Bella and I want you to be sure, just in case. There isn't any rush. I would wait forever for you. I am just as content with holding you in my arms."

I didn't know what to say or do and I opened my mouth to say something…. Anything but Edward stopped me by pressing a finger to my lips.

"You don't have to say anything love. I know you love me and that's all that matters right now. The rest will come in good time besides like I said… the first time I make love to you Emmet will NOT be anywhere within earshot. We would never live that down." He said with a smile.

He was right. There was no rush I could think about it for a while longer. I would know the answer when it was time and I definitely didn't want Emmet anywhere close either when we did do that….

"Besides my love…There are so many other things I can do to you with out doing that." He said with a smile as he bent his head and began kissing a trail along my collar bone.

I tried to resist but my resolve quickly faded as he sucked gently on my neck. Never breaking the skin but just hard enough to drive me insane.

I fisted his hair as I desperately tried to pull him closer. I moaned out loud and arched my back.

That's when the annoy one we called Alice burst through the door.

"When we do decide to do this there will be no way SHE can get in the room either. There would be no interruptions." He said as he rolled over to glare at Alice who had forgot to knock.

"Oh shut up. I knew you weren't doing anything that couldn't wait."

"What is it now Alice?" I asked annoyed. We might not have been doing anything that couldn't wait but I was still tired of being interrupted just when it was getting fun.

"I have been sent to tell you both to get cleaned up and ready to go. Esme has your breakfast about ready and then we are going to leave."

Edward smiled and chuckled as he looked at Alice. With out a doubt he was seeing what was going to happen.

"What's going on?" I asked suspiciously.

"Esme said we can't tell you. It's a surprise. Just get up and take a shower and I will get your clothes ready." Alice said as she walked from the room. Leaving alone again with Edward, who was still shaking his head smiling.

"What's going on Edward?"

"Nope you are not getting Esme mad at me. We just better do as the pixie says." He said as he climbed out of bed then bent down and helped me out of the bed.

Before my feet hit the floor Alice was back. She walked in picked me up and slung me over her shoulder.

"What the fuck!" I screeched as she stalked out the door.

"No time for touchy feely time between Edward and Bella. We are on a mission. Get ready Edward." She tossed back over her shoulder and she kept going until we were standing in my bathroom.

"You are so damn pushy! To think I actually missed you for about two seconds." I said as she set me down.

"Oh you love me. Now take a shower and I will get your clothes ready." And she walked out the door leaving me stand there with my mouth hanging wide open wondering what the hell just happened.

"Pain in the ass…" I muttered to myself.

"I HEARD THAT!" I heard her shout from my room.

"I don't care if you did!" I said back laughing.

I gave up fighting it and quickly stripped and got in the shower.

I was rinsing the conditioner out of my hair when the little shit started knocking on the door.

"Come on Swan I know you can move faster than that!" She yelled through the door.

"Listen Alice Cullen I …. oh shit just shut up I am almost done." I yelled as I finished up and turned off the water.

I was no sooner slipping on my robe when she came through the door.

"Alice I swear what is the rush?"

"Gotta get a move on it if we are going to have time to do anything.." She walked over to the sink and grabbed my brace that I had laid there and began helping me get it on.

Before I could protest I was being dragged back to my room and Alice was pulling the robe off of me and shoving clothes into my hands.

In a matter of seconds I was dressed. Alice grabbed my hair brush saying she would fix my hair in the car and we were heading down the stairs.

I was feeling frazzled and rushed and when we reached the bottom of the stairs I was beginning to feel manhandled when Emmet grabbed me.

"BELLA-BOO! I missed you!" He said as he swung me around. I swear they were all losing there minds.

"Wow I missed you too Emmet… but if you don't stop swinging me I am going to puke all over you!" I said laughing.

"And I won't be cleaning that mess up!" I heard Jasper say from somewhere. I was to dizzy to tell. "Seriously Swan next time you decide to take off somewhere…. For the love of god, please, get rid of the milk. And just so you know. I took the refrigerator out of the house. There was a company that was going to pick it up, so if you ever go back there remember there is no refrigerator anymore." He said laughing.

"Yeah sorry about that Jasper. Next time I will remember to take the milk with me." I said laughing.

"There will never be a next time." I heard Edward say as he came down the stairs behind us.

"That's right!" Esme said as she entered the area. "Now Bella come eat so we can get going!"

Emmet who was still holding me carried me into the dining room. Esme had me a huge plate of fresh fruit, granola, and yogurt. It was delicious but from the look on Alice's face I swear she was trying to figure out a way to stuff the food in faster.

"So Esme where are we going?" I asked as I finished and Alice grabbed the plate from in front of me and took it to the kitchen.

"It's a surprise." Esme replied with a huge smile on her face.

"Who is all going?" I asked trying to get something out of someone.

"Everyone is going except Jasper." Esme replied.

"Yeah I am going to stay home and put your movies onto DVDs and a flash drive." Jasper said walking into the room holding a stack of DVDs.

"Don't worry Bella. Carlisle and I finished going through all of them. The ones that should be hidden have been put up and I will transpose those for you later. Now let's get going." Esme said as she stood.

"This is going to be so much fun!" Emmet said as he flung his arm around my shoulders.

"You really have to go Emmet? There isn't ANYTHING else you could do?" I asked only half joking.

"You kidding me Swan? I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

"Where are we going Emmet?" I asked as we walked.

"We are…." He started to answer until Rose smacked him upside his head.

"That's why we are following them. You have a big mouth." Rose said as we walked towards the garage.

Alice, Edward and I got into the back seat of Carlisle's Mercedes, while Esme and Carlisle got into the front. Emmet and Rose took the Volvo and within moments we were on our way.

As we were backing out of the garage Alice started combing my hair. She brushed it and eventually pulled it into a ponytail.

When she was done torturing me Edward pulled me into his lap and cradled me in his arms.

Alice babbled about all the stuff she had packed up from my mom's house, which was another reason Jasper stayed home. Apparently he was told to put everything in my room when it got there. I just listen to her nodding once in a while but I honestly didn't care.

I felt my mind wandering. Even with everything happening this morning I hadn't felt more happy than this in… well a long freaking time.

I was were I belonged. My dad knew this is were I was supposed to be, even if I didn't at the time. I had to trust that. I was meant to be with the Cullen's and more importantly Edward. I just felt it… I just knew.

Did that mean I wanted to be changed? I didn't know for sure but I did know that if it did happen I wouldn't be mad or even upset. I just wasn't sure if I was ready to jump into it right this moment. But eventually… I think I would like to become a part of the family in everyway. So I could stay with them forever.

"What are you thinking about beautiful?" Edward asked bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What we were talking about this morning." I answered honestly. I smiled at him and he seemed to just understand. "I don't think I would mind it… I am just not ready for it yet."

"There is no rush. Whenever you are ready let me know." Edward bent his head and kissed me briefly before smiling contently at me.

"SO are we there yet?" I joked looking out the window at the scenery flashing by.

Esme laughed, "Nearly. A few more minutes."

I laughed and closed my eyes. The blurry scenery was making me car sick so I snuggled closer to Edward and tried to relax.

I must have fell asleep for a while. When I opened my eyes we were in a city.

"Where are we?" I asked as I stretched.

"Seattle." Edward replied.

"We better not be going to the mall. Because that wouldn't be a very good surprise."

"Trust me Bella. If we were going to the mall you would be in something else besides jeans and a tee. AND you defiantly wouldn't be wearing sneakers." I hadn't even paid attention to what she had made me put on. There wasn't time.

"Just a few more moments sweetie and all will be revealed." Esme said from the front seat.

I sighed and looked out the windows. With a quick peek out the back window, I saw Emmet and Rose following closely. I waved and Emmet being the dork he is waved like a mad man. I shook my head as Rose smacked Emmet probably telling him to get his hands back on the wheel.

As I turned back around I saw the sign and I knew instantly where we were going.

"You have to be kidding me?" I said excitedly. "Is that were we are going?"

"Yep, SURPRISE!" Esme said and started bouncing excitedly in her seat.

This was going to be really interesting….


	23. CHAPTERTWENTYTWO

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

The sign read Welcome to Woodland Park Zoo. North Entrance Parking ahead.

"Are you serious?" I asked out loud not directed to anyone in particular. I started chuckling as I slid over to look out the window. Still seated in Edward's lap.

"After watching all those movies with you yesterday, we wanted to come. Plus we noticed that this one wasn't recorded so we didn't think you had been here yet. If you don't want to go we can go home…" Esme said turning around in the seat to look at me.

"No way!" I said still looking out the window like and excited four year old. Esme started laughing when she saw my face. I was practically bouncing with excitement as Carlisle slowed the car to stop and pay for parking.

But my vampires had another surprise. Apparently they were zoo members and the parking was included in the membership.

Carlisle must have noticed the puzzled expression on my face because he was the one that spoke. "We have donated a lot of money to the zoo. Conservation and breeding programs are detrimental to the eco-system."

It surprised me a little. I must have had a slightly stunned look on my face because Edward started laughing at me. "Love we like to help put back what we take out, so to speak. You pay for your beef, we help pay for the bears and mountain lions." I burst out laughing. It made sense. I just never thought about it before. "The zoo membership is complimentary, we just never had a reason to visit before now." He finished as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

I side back to my place between Alice and Edward and glanced at Alice, who smiled at me excitedly. With a quick glance around the car.. They all looked excited. I just hoped it was because they had never been and not because they planned on sampling the merchandise. I opened my mouth to ask when Alice answered my question before I asked.

"We will be fine Bella. We are all excited because none of us have ever went to the zoo plus we know you love it so we are excited to take you somewhere you will enjoy. If we can get through year after year of high school I think we can handle one simple trip to the zoo. We will just have to make sure Emmet doesn't show his ass today." She said smiling and laughing.

But before I could ask we were pulling into a parking spot. As soon as the car stopped Alice jumped out and went to get into the trunk. She had shut the door behind her so I waited as Edward climbed out of the car. He leaned back in offering me his hand to help me, but as I reached for it Alice's door was flung open and Emmet bent in and grabbed my arm.

"I get her first!" He exclaimed as he drug me out of the car backwards and flung me onto his back. He wrapped his arms around my legs and started walking towards the entrance. No one had a chance to argue. Edward just shook his head smiling, shut the door, and started following.

Alice had gotten a backpack out of the trunk and put it on as everyone shut doors, locked the cars, then set alarms. Before long we were at the entrance. The membership card granted us all free admission and we were in.

"So why didn't Jasper come?" I asked. I had an idea now but I just wanted clarification.

"Well you remember the birthday party from hell?" Alice asked and I nodded my head. " Well I didn't want to test his resolve. It would be kinda hard to restrain him if he lost control with out drawing way to much attention. I think it would be mean to show him stuff he CAN eat but say he couldn't sample. Plus I don't think he would have been able to enjoy himself. Spending the day looking at your hilarious movies will be far more enjoyable for him." She said smirking and looking at the map we had been given.

"I SEE THE CAROUSEL!" Emmet exclaimed excitedly. "Come on Bella let's go ride!"

"If I said no would it make a difference right now?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Nope!"

"Can you put me down so I can walk?"

"Nope. It's my turn right now. If I put you down HE will just steal you away. I want my turn first." He replied never stopping until we were standing in line.

"I want two tickets. One for me and one for my little sister here." He told the guy that sat behind the counter taking money for the ride. I just shook my head.

"What about everyone else Emmet? What about your wife? Isn't it kinda rude not to wait for everyone else?" I asked but still chuckling at his enthusiasm.

"They can pay for themselves and as for Rosie.. Bella please.. We both know my wife and I just don't see her getting anywhere close to this thing." He said pointing over his shoulder and handing the man four dollars to pay for us to ride.

We were the only ones in line but there was a few people riding the carousel. Emmet finally pulled me off his back and placed me next to him wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

With a quick glance back I noticed Rose standing next to the fence waiting for us holding something in her hand but before I could get a better look I was distracted by the rest of the clan paying and getting in line behind us.

I turned back around and started reading the sign that displayed the information about the carousel. I started chuckling to myself as I read.

"What is your issue Bella-Boo?" Emmet asked looking down at me smiling.

I pointed at the sign as the rest of the group joined us in line.

Apparently this carousel was hand crafted, it was vintage, and was made in 1918. The same year Edward was turned.

"So just since it was made in 1918 it is vintage huh?" Emmet asked smiling. "Personally.. I would just call that old." Emmet mused and I burst out laughing as I glanced back at Edward who was just shaking his head.

"So what would that make something that was made before 1918?" Carlisle asked with his eyebrow raised, he had an amused look on his face.

"Hmm good question…. Bella you wanna field that one?" Emmet asked me.

"Ancient." I replied without thinking. I blushed and burst out laughing with Emmet. Before long everyone was laughing right along with us. "Sorry Carlisle. I couldn't help it." I said.

He held his hand up laughing along with us. We all stood there chuckling as the carousel stopped in front of us and we were aloud to get on.

Emmet picked me up and carried me like a football.

"What color horse you want Bella?" Emmet asked me as he walked.

"I don't care Em, you choose." I replied and before I knew it, I was placed on the blue horse and Emmet climbed onto the white one next to mine.

"Now hold on Bella, we don't want this "Vintage" piece of work to hurt you."

"Emmet if I can't safely ride on a carousel, we need to just go home now." I replied as I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Sure we could go home, but we have vintage and ancient things there that could hurt you too." He replied as he burst into laughter.

"Yes they could…. But honestly Emmet I think I have more to worry about from this wooden horse than from the artifacts we have collected at home." I replied.

"Hey now Swan!" I heard Edward say while chuckling along with us.

"Well Alice you were worried Emmet might act crazy, apparently he has an accomplice we never considered." Carlisle said with a smile as he and Esme sat in one of the sleighs together.

Alice and Edward climbed onto the horses behind Emmet and I.

"Bella remind me that I have to take you horseback riding sometime…." Edward said as the carousel started moving.

"Why?" I asked glancing over my shoulder.

"Well it's either that or I have to get a 'Vintage' carousel." He said with a smirk.

I was still confused. "Why?"

"Because any chance I could possibly get to see this view again… It would be worth it." He replied and I noticed him totally checking out my ass.

I laughed at him. "Oh shut up Cullen." I replied, blushing again, turning around.

My blush only made Emmet and Edward laugh and me scowl at the both of them.

I felt so light hearted as we rode, carefree, neither feeling was something I was used to anymore but it felt wonderful.

After a few minutes we came to a stop and Edward was instantly by my side helping me down. He playfully swatted my ass as he set me down.

"OH NO!" Emmet yelled as he dismounted and walked over to us. "It's still my turn." He whined as he picked me up and swung me back onto his back.

"Why can't I walk? Then you both could hold my hand and there wouldn't be any fighting." I said laughing. It was like dealing with a couple of children fighting over who got to sit next in the front seat of the car.

"Maybe later, right now I want my partner in crime close." Emmet replied as we headed towards what the signs said was the 'Northern Trail'.

After a few exhibits I discovered one good thing about being with a group of vampires at a zoo. They knew right where each and every animal was and how many. I remembered all the times my mom and I would search and search the exhibits for whatever animal they said was in it. Sometimes we found them and sometimes we gave up and figured they weren't in the exhibit.

Within a few minutes we were standing in front of the brown bear exhibit and Emmet FINALLY let me get down.

"Look at the size of that TV dinner." Emmet quipped and I rolled my eyes. But he was right. The bear was freaking huge. I took one step back so get a better look. I couldn't see it.

I mean I could see the bear… it was hard to miss. But just the size of it… I couldn't see Emmet killing one with his bare hands. I mean Emmet was big and all but the bear was huge.

I then found out that the bear must have been able to tell Emmet was a threat because it came right up to the glass and showed Emmet its teeth. Emmet just laughed unfazed. When the bear let out a huge ROAR I jumped what felt like 10 feet. Edward quickly wrapped an arm around my waist as Emmet roared back at the bear.

Much to Emmet's delight when he roared back the bear turned around and walked away. Everyone found this funny.

After a few moments of negotiation on my ability to walk Emmet conceded and let me walk.

We wandered around for a couple hours, pausing at each exhibit, reading each informational sign, and laughing.

After spending a half hour in the Butterfly forest we took a break and had lunch… well I had lunch and Emmet talked about the different tastes of the animals we had seen already.

Esme had packed me a sandwich and chips for lunch. Alice had them in the backpack she was carrying. She also had two sweatshirts, a blanket, an umbrella, and three bottles of water.

"Just in case." Alice said as she unpacked what I needed for lunch and we spread the blanket out so we could sit down.

I slipped one of the sweatshirts on as Edward pulled me into his lap. Alice handed me my lunch and we all sat and chatted.

Alice was excited about going to the gift shop when we were done. Rose was looking forward to the Aviary, she said they had a feeding station where you paid a dollar for a seed stick and the birds could land on you and eat the seeds.

Carlisle wanted to see the penguins. Edward said he wanted to see the big cats, like the tigers and lions.

"After watching Bella play doctor with a stuffed elephant yesterday I can't wait to see them." Esme said as I chewed.

"I can't wait to watch those movies." Edward said laughing. "Do I get to see all of them or just the ones deemed safe?" He asked me.

"That all depends." I replied popping a chip into my mouth.

"On what?" He asked kissing the top of my head.

"If you are a good boy and don't make me mad." I replied.

"Well I can try, but when I am around you I don't want to be a good boy, I want to be very VERY bad."

I swallowed hard. Cleared my throat and tried to keep my hormones in check. Easier said than done but I managed to say, "Well then you don't get to watch." I turned to smile at him trying my best to look unfazed by his words.

He sensed weakness. "I would be willing to bet I can change your mind." He stated and kissed my collar bone.

"OH please would you two get a room!" Emmet interrupted. "If you are done eating Bella let's get going. I want to go to the petting zoo and I want to go see the snakes."

"I don't do snakes." I said shaking my head.

"I bet you would do Edward's snake." He said then burst out laughing. I threw the rest of my sandwich at his head. I missed by inches but Rose helped me out by smacking him upside the head.

"Thanks Rose." I said blushing and flipping off Emmet at the same time.

"OK kids. If we are done here lets get going." Carlisle said shaking his head.

We decided that we would go see the cats first since they were the closest. Then circle around and see the monkeys and the elephants. Then we would go see the giraffes and my favorite, the hippos. Don't ask me why but they were my favorite. The aviary after that.

Then Emmet's petting zoo. Then eventually we would make our way to the penguins and the bugs and snakes. Then the last thing would be the gift shop. We figured if we went there last eventually they would close and Alice would have to stop.

So after packing everything back up we were on our way. Edward and I walked hand in hand and the rest of the group seemed to take turns walking with us.

As we were standing in front of the cat enclosure I finally realized why Alice had been mostly silent today. She was filming the whole thing and taking pictures when she felt like it too.

"This will help round out your collection." She explained and kept right on going, never missing a beat.

Surprisingly the giraffes weren't afraid of the Cullen's. They had a feeding station for them and the giraffes ate right out of their hands. I have never seen the Cullen's so happy. Each and every one of them and it made me happy that I was the reason they found this joy.

I walked around with my head in the clouds for a long time. Enjoying the animals and the company of my family and thinking about my life now. Who would have guessed I would feel so at home with the Cullen's after everything we have been through. Part of me was truly surprised that I didn't hate them, but the more rational part knew that it was fate.

I was brought to this family for a reason. I completed the group and Edward was truly my soul mate. That's the reason I felt to lost and alone when I wasn't with him. As cheesy as the line is… he completed me literally.. And at that moment I realized that I couldn't live without him and I didn't want to try.

When we entered the Aviary everyone scattered for a while. Rose was delighted to play with the birds and so was Alice as she recorded everything and snapped pictures. Until a bird shit on her shirt. Then she was done and she spent the rest of the time standing in the doorway filming from a distance.

"That's why they invented zoom." She claimed when we asked how she was getting everyone from where she was.

"So you could hide from birds? That's why they invented zoom?" I asked teasing her.

"Today it is." She replied with a smile. She stuck her tongue out at me and continued filming.

Edward laughed with me and we left her standing there to go check out the Parrots. Hand in hand we walked.

We finished looking through the aviary and went to find a quiet corner to watch the rest of the family while they finished looking.

It was the first time all day I noticed other people. There weren't many of them, since it was still kind of early in the season and it was a weekday, but each and every one of them noticed my Cullen's.

Edward suddenly laughed out loud and glanced down at me.

"What is so funny Cullen?" I asked him as we stopped and he pulled me to him wrapping his arms around me and gazing into my eyes.

"Well those two women over there were discussing their chances of getting me and Emmet away from you and Rose. I just find that highly amusing."

"Why exactly is that so funny?" I asked turning slightly to glare at the offending women.

"Well my love I have seen you spaz out a few times now and I don't think either one is a match for you…. Plus I have seen Rose in action too. I would be willing to bet they wouldn't make it close to her and Emmet without turning and running away."

I glanced at Rose who in turn smiled sweetly at me and Edward as she nodded in agreement.

"She says if they try anything she has your back." Edward said laughing out loud.

Before I could turn to look at the offending girls anymore Edward bent his head and kissed me and OH BABY was it a kiss. It was one of those toe curling, panty dropping, mind blowing kisses. My mind went blank. Stupid girls forgotten… The rest of the world forgotten for a moment.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lifted me up holding me to him as his tongue stroked mine as it entered my mouth. Then I had a fleeting thought and I broke the kiss panting.

"If we can kiss like this and nothing happens… Why would… you know that 'Stuff'," I said using his words and nodding towards his area, "do anything?" I finished asking truly curious.

"I honestly don't know if it would. I don't even know if I have 'stuff' to worry about.. I have never asked." He said smirking. Clearly enjoying my discomfort on talking about 'stuff'. His face got serious and he continued.

"I just want to be safe. Just in case." He said kissing me again making my stomach feel like it was full of the butterflies we looked at earlier.

I broke the kiss glancing around momentarily, not wanting the next statement caught on tape for everyone to watch later. Thinking twice I looked at Edward and nodded towards the door.

He seemed to understand what I wanted and we walked out the building to wait for the rest of them outside.

Once outside he grabbed me again as we walked a little further down the path to the Rose gardens. Once we were surrounded by the fragrant and beautiful blossoms and alone he pulled me back into his arms.

"Won't everyone worry about where we went?" I asked not truly concerned about anything but Edward but it sounded good.

"Alice will find us I am positive." He said as he bent to kiss me again. He pulled up into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he held me up by gripping my ass.

It felt very intimate. More intimate than we had ever been and I could feel his excitement too, pressed into my stomach. I broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. I could see the passion, lust, and love shining in them and it touched me more than his kiss. I wanted him in everyway I could possibly want him and to hell with the 'just in case'.

"Edward… I want to try." I whispered.

* * *

A/N

I don't know exactly what the zoo looks like but there is a Woodland Zoo in Seattle and each exhibit I mentioned is featured. I looked it up and used the map to plot our course.

I still have a few things I want to do in the zoo but I need to break it off here before it gets to long. Plus I have a little more research to do and a few decisions to make also.

So we are still at the zoo so if there is anything you would like to see happen let me know and I will see if I can work it in.

FYI there seriously is a Carousel at this Zoo that was made in 1918! I found that amusing when I read about it so I had to include it. Lol

Thanks for all the reviews and alert adds. I appreciate each and everyone of you! I hope you are enjoying this as much as I am enjoying writing it.


	24. CHAPTERTWENTYTHREE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

"I want you Edward in every way possible…" I said breathless. "So I am willing to take the chance. If us making love happens to change me… then it was meant to be and I would never feel guilty or upset because I choose to be with you."

As I spoke the words I could literally feel their truth and everything seemed to fall into place in my head. It was like seeing the last few pieces of a puzzle fall into place and I knew in that moment that I wouldn't ever be able to leave him again. I also realized I didn't just WANT to be with him on both a emotional and physical level…. I NEEDED to be with him. I needed him in my life and by my side, always.

He was my other half and I loved him. I opened my mouth to tell him just that but something held me back. Did he feel the same way about me? I think I knew the answer to this question but I also knew that if for whatever reason he didn't feel the same way… it wouldn't just upset me…. It would destroy me and there wouldn't be any coming back from it.

I may have already said to much with my statement, but I couldn't take it back now. I hadn't lied, I spoke the truth. I had no regrets about anything or any of the time I spent with him and I refused to feel guilty about it.

I looked up at him and it was like seeing him for the first time in a long time…but a part of me wasn't ready to let go, a part of me that was terrified of being hurt again…. And that was the part that was holding me back.

He noticed my hesitation and I just knew he was about to push the issue and demand to know what was wrong. I began to panic. I wanted to know his view on this issue, but I was terrified to know, now that I realized just how I truly felt.

_This is insanity Swan! He has told you time and time again how he feels…_ My mind screamed at me demanding that I get my head out of my ass but I hadn't had these feeling for Edward in a long time, the hurt was hard to let go of. It was also enough to place stupid doubts in my head.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked and he looked truly concerned. Could I tell him? I think the better question would be… Should I tell him? I knew the answer was yes but I couldn't form the words. I didn't know how to tell him I was scared to let him back in totally. That I was afraid of getting hurt again….

He placed his hands on my face cupping both cheeks and forcing me to look at him, his eyes demanded answers. Answers I wasn't ready to give yet. I needed to think about my insecurities a little more but he wasn't going to give me time to think.

"Bella?" He asked again. "Talk to me. Please."

But how was I supposed to talk to him about it… I wasn't sure of what was going on in my head… how was I supposed to tell him what I was thinking?

"COME ON BELLA! It's petting zoo time! You two can fondle each other later, its time to play with the animals right now!" Oh thank god for Emmet!

I scrambled back blushing cursing at my stupidity.

_You are being ridiculous Swan… You know that? _I said to myself. _Yes because speaking to oneself is mentally healthy… you are losing it girl._

So there I stood looking back and forth between Emmet and Edward and having a mental argument with myself. I felt like a deer stuck in the headlights.

In one sense I just wanted to run. Go with Emmet and forget things with Edward for a while. The other part was begging me to go and talk to Edward. Tell him every little thing that was bothering me and let him comfort me… tell me that I was just being silly.

To think I had once accused him of giving me emotional whiplash. Oh the irony…..

I didn't know what to do. I felt trapped in place.

Rose and Esme with Alice in the lead came to my rescue. Rose and Esme approached me slowly and each grabbed a arm and led me further into the Rose garden. I turned momentarily to look back at Edward. I didn't want him to think I was mad at him but he wasn't even looking at me. Alice was saying something to him I couldn't hear. I saw him nod then take a deep breath and then start walking the opposite direction than we were heading.

I was both saddened and relieved by this.

"I need to tell him…" I mumbled but Alice cut me off.

"There is no need. He knows you aren't mad at him. I told him you just needed a minute to process some things. He would keep pressuring you to talk to him and I saw that that ended badly. I told him to just give you a few moments to collect yourself." I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"Thanks Alice. Esme…Rose… thank you too."

"There is no need to thank us sweetie. You want to talk about it?" Esme asked.

I opened my mouth to talk to them but promptly shut it. I did this a couple more times trying to tell them everything, but my mind was so mixed up I didn't know what to say.

"I am so confused." I finally spit out then walked towards one of the many benches scattered around the area.

"Listen Bella." Alice began as she sat down next to me taking my hands. Esme and Rose stood in front of me looking concerned as Alice continued. "I know you are confused, about what I am not entirely sure but I have a good idea…" She looked about as frustrated as I felt.

"If I am right Bella, the fears you have are as crazy as you feel right now. Collect your self then let's enjoy the rest of the day." She smiled at me reassuringly then gave me a hug. "But Bella," She said as she pulled away. "If I am right… It will help to talk to him and let him know how you are feeling. He loves you Bella, for all the right reasons, and if you give him the chance… he will show you just how silly your fears are. But here is not the time nor the place for all of this. We are here to have fun. So let's go make sure Emmet doesn't eat any of the petting zoo animals." She finished with a smirk, making me smile.

She was right, we were here to have fun it wasn't the time or the place to have a mental breakdown. Besides like the song says….

How did that damn song go I cursed my mental abilities, "I wish I had my iPod.." I muttered to myself as Alice pulled it out of her pocket.

"I should be a boy scout because I am always prepared." She smiled at me. "I saw you would want it for some reason. I even think I have the right song cued. Unless Emmet got a hold of it at lunch…" She trailed off looking at me.

I plugged the buds into my ears and stood. Rose and Alice linked their arms with mine and Esme lead the way. Emmet apparently hadn't gotten a hold of it at lunch because the very song I was thinking about flowed out of the ear buds and I began to hum along with the song to myself.

_Hello, my friend, it sure has been a while_

_I don't know where the time has gone_

_But I've really missed your smile_

_It's been too longI've got so much to say_

_That I don't know where to start_

Much to my surprise Alice started singing the song with me softly. Anyone human would have had to get closer to hear. I was fairly sure Esme and Rose could hear but I didn't care. The music and Alice were both helping me calm my nerves.

_Ever since we went our separate ways_

_There's been a big hole in my heart_

_But, as I recall, _

_It was you that said goodbye_

_Now you're asking me to give it one more only time will tell_

_If you're gonna stand beside me_

_Through both Heaven and Hell_

_I wanna know that you're behind me._

Rose started singing with us on the next part. Esme turned briefly smiling at us. She must not have know the song because I knew she would have been singing along with us. I guess years and years of high school phases and fads gave Alice and Rose a little insight into the different music of the decades.

So as we walked slowly me Alice and Rose sang along with Nelson from my iPod.

_But only time will tell_

_If what we have together is_

_Gonna' last forever more_

_And so my friend, I hope you understand_

_It's hard to put my trust in you`_

_Cause I'm afraid you'll leave again_

_I want to believe you've finally seen the light_

_That you've missed my love and you want to make it right_

With each step and each word I felt better. My mind cleared and I knew in my heart each word was true and this was truly how I felt.

_But only time will tell_

_If you're gonna stand beside me_

_Through both Heaven and Hell_

_I wanna know that you're behind only time will tell_

_If what we have together is_

_Gonna' last forever more_

_I got no way of knowing_

_What the future's gonna bring_

_So I'll just listen to my heart_

_`Cause it's never lied to me_

_And what is meant to be_

_Only time will tell_

_If you're gonna stand beside me_

_Through both Heaven and Hell_

_I wanna know that you're behind only time will tell_

_If what we have together is_

_Gonna' last forever_

_Time will tell_

_Do you believe in me?_

_Time will tell_

_If we're gonna be together_

_Only time willI want a love to last forever_

_Time will tell_

_Only time will tell_

The song finished as we came out of the Rose garden and headed towards the petting zoo and the guys who were waiting.

Before I could hit stop on my iPod the next song started and I laughed out loud. I knew I hadn't added it so that meant it was one of the songs Emmet had added.

I recognized the song instantly and I listened as we walked. By the end of the first lyric we were approaching the guys. Edward had a worried and confused look on his face but Emmet was smiling broadly.

"You are listening to your song B!" I could do nothing but laugh at Emmet as he started rapping LOUDLY along with the song as the second lyric started.

"_I came (I came), _

_I saw (I saw), _

_I hit him right dead in the jaw (in the jaw). _

_See I caught him with a right hook, _

_caught him with a jab, _

_caught him with an upper cut, _

_kicked him in his ass. _

_Sent him on his way cause _

_I ain't for that talk, _

_and no trips to the county.. _

_I ain't for that walk!_"

He sang out loudly and I was reduced to a mass of giggles as he acted like he was tough and all that came out of it was him acting crazy and silly. But he managed to cheer me up. Emmet seemed good at that…

Before I knew it I found myself singing the chorus along with Emmet as Rose and Alice let go of my arms and stepped back laughing as I approached Emmet. Everyone was looking at us both like we had lost our minds but I didn't care at that moment.

_(Yeah Yeah Woop-Woop) Why you all in my ear?_

_Talkin' a whole bunch a shit that I ain't tryin to hear_

_Get Back! Motherfucker You don't know me like back! _

__

Get Back Motherfucker You don't know me like that!

(Yeah Yeah Woop-Woop) I ain't playin' around..

Make one false move, I'll take you down!

Get Back Motherfucker

You don't know me like back!

Get Back Motherfucker

You don't know me like that!

As the chorus ended I pulled the buds out of my ears laughing so hard it hurt. As I handed Esme my iPod and ear buds, Emmet gave everyone a serious, hard look then joined me in my manic laughter. I doubled over laughing so hard I about lost my balance. Emmet and Edward grabbed me at the same time balancing me which only made me laugh harder.

After a moment more of blissful insanity Emmet picked me up and slung me onto his back.

"Come on slugger let's go check out the petting zoo!" Emmet exclaimed as he started towards the children's area.

My worries forgotten momentarily I turned and smiled broadly at Edward and he instantly returned the smile.

The mood was lifted and we were back to the happy family we were at lunch. Drama and worries forgotten.

Only time will tell…. I repeated in my head over and over. I just had to give it some time and give Edward a chance. I could do both.

I was brought back to earth as we walked up to the petting area of the children's area.

Emmet laughed as the miscellaneous animals came up to the fence looking for lunch. Emmet pulled a handful of quarters out and began feeding the little machine as it spit out the pellets that we were to feed the animals with.

Emmet stuffed all for of his pockets and gave me two handfuls to hold after Alice threatened him with death if he messed my jeans up by putting the pellets in my pockets.

"Her jeans will smell like goats and such after she feeds them anyway but whatever floats your boat." He said giving Alice a smirk then turning to me. "Now Bella we both know as soon as we get home she will take those jeans from you and burn them. Just like she did both times you were with the wolves. SO let's just go have some fun." He smiled at me again, his eyes twinkling with excitement.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the fenced off area along with him.

At first the goats stayed away from Emmet but very quickly they figured out he had the food and they started following him. He laughed at this as he fed the goats next to me.

"Oh the irony!" He said to me after a few minutes of feeding the animals.

"What are you talking about?" I asked laughing along with him. We were getting further and further into the area. Pushed by the animals.

"OH please like you didn't think about it?" He huffed and smirked at me. "These things eating out of my hand when we are normally the ones…. OH COME ON BELLA! Stay with me!"

Before I could say anything I was pushed from my left and I lost my balance. Some goat must have thought I wasn't feeding it fast enough or I wasn't giving it enough attention because it butted me with its head. I ended up on my ass in the middle of what seemed like a hundred goats.

I heard Emmet start laughing when I started cussing. The goats were everywhere and I couldn't get to my feet fast enough. The animals had stolen all the food I had left in my hands then began nipping at various areas.

Emmet was NO help. I glanced once in his direction to see him laughing so hard he had fallen on his ass and the goats where nipping at his clothes. Try as I might I couldn't get up and Emmet still wasn't any help because he was just rolling on the ground laughing.

Edward suddenly appeared above me. Smiling but not laughing he held a hand out to me.

"You ok?" He asked and snickered. You could tell he was trying not to laugh but it wasn't working. He burst out laughing as he pulled me up into his arms.

"Can it Cullen." I said trying to sound mad but this also didn't work out to well. I smiled as he pulled pieces of hay out of my hair. "Thanks for all the help Emmet!" I called over my shoulder glancing back at him. He was just getting to his feet smiling. He waved at me and I flipped him off smiling.

"Are you ok.. Seriously." Edward asked as we walked to the gait.

"I am fine really." I spoke softly not wanting the few humans around us to hear me but loud enough I knew each and every Vamp close to me heard. "If I can face Vampires and Werewolves and only god knows what else… I think I can handle a few lambs." I said when we stopped outside the pen.

"It didn't look like you were handling it very well." He joked.

"Oh shut it Cullen!" I exclaimed as I punched him in the arm. He started laughing harder when I said "Ouch!" and shook my hand.

"Yep you handle Vampires soooo well." He joked as he took my hand to examine it.

"It's fine Edward, it only stung for a minute." I said but I didn't pull my hand away from him. He held onto it like it was a life line. Rubbing circles on it and essentially taking the pain away.

We stood there not saying anything until Edward started chuckling again.

"Now what Cullen?" I asked rolling my eyes trying to look annoyed and failing miserably.

"You smell like goats and hay." He said smiling.

"Well what do you expect? I was rolling around in both." I said as I tried to step away from him. He stopped me by wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me against him.

"I said you stink not that I wanted you to get away." He smiled down at me. His faces suddenly becoming serious as he looked into my eyes.

I gazed right back at him. "I promise I am ok…. I am sorry about before…" I tried to apologize.

He kissed me and effectively blocked every single thought I could possibly have and making me concentrate on him.

"I love you, you know that don't you?" He asked still searching my eyes for something.

"I know… it's just…."

"NOPE! NOT HERE!" Alice exclaimed behind me making me jump and Edward laugh. "When we get home you guys can talk about this. Not here. To many people and to many ears. It will be easier to discuss without to many 'PEOPLE' hearing when we get home. So come on I want to go look at the Rhinos before we head to see the snakes and stuff." She said then started walking away.

"Well ok…" I said laughing at my tiny strange friend.

"Shall we my lady?" Edward asked while bending at the waist and offering me his hand.

"We shall." I said smiling at him. "You coming Emmet?" I said as I took Edward's hand and he pulled me closer to him and placed his arm around my shoulders. I in turn wrapped my arm around his waist and we started walking after Alice who was skipping next to Rose recording everything.

"Right behind you slugger!" I heard him say as he came up besides me. He walked with us all the way to the Rhino enclosure.

When we got there Alice appeared by our sides smiling a mischievous smile. Emmet walked away looking at the large animals. The others soon were standing around me and Edward. Everyone but Emmet who was walking around slightly taunting the Rhinos.

"Did you know that Rhinos can pee long distances?" Alice stated off handedly and at that exact moment that is exactly what happened…. All over Emmet.

"WHAT THE…" Emmet exclaimed as everyone stood there slightly shocked. Everyone but Alice who was still recording Emmet's attempt at a 'golden shower', Alice started laughing and everyone else followed suit.

"Someone please tell me that didn't just happen!" Emmet said as he walked slowly towards us holding his arms away from his body like that would help his situation. What was his situation? He was soaked, from head to toe in Rhino urine and he looked ridiculous.

"Hey golden boy that trainer there is waving at you." Alice said as we all turned to look where she was pointing. There was now a large crowd gathering looking at Emmet soaked from head to toe with Rhino piss. Most were laughing until Emmet turned and glared at them. They scattered.

Emmet glared at us as the trainer approached us.

"That's what you get for letting Bella ruin perfectly good clothes." Alice smiled sweetly at Emmet but before Emmet could reply the trainer approached us.

He apologized saying that that had never happened before then took Emmet somewhere he could get cleaned up.

"Your clothes are on top. Bring the bag back with you and throw those clothes away!" Alice said again smiling sweetly. She had known this was going to happen and she chose not to tell him.

Emmet must have realized that too. "Why you little…." He started but stopped smiling. "Paybacks are a bitch Alice."

"Go ahead and try." She replied tapping her forehead taunting him. Emmet gave her a withering look and Alice snapped a picture of him just as he flipped her off.

"Thanks for the new screen saver!" She yelled as he began walking away following the trainer. He flipped her the bird again never turning around. "We will meet you by the reptile house!" She yelled again and he nodded never once turning around.

She was laughing as she turned to me. Esme was standing next to her holding some clothes in her arms. "Now you miss I like to roll in the hay with goats. Bathroom is right there." She said pointing and taking the clothes from Esme. "Let's get you changed. It will improve your smell as well. We can throw those away too." She said wrinkling her nose and pointing to my clothes.

Once inside the bathroom after a quick look to make sure no one else was in there with us besides Rose who was guarding the door still laughing.

"Alice if you saw all this happening why not stop it before I fell in the goat pen?" I asked as I pulled my sweatshirt and tee off.

"I knew you wouldn't be hurt for one and two would you have warned Emmet? Losing a few good clothes was worth that expression on his face that I will paste all over the house!" She said gleefully as I pulled the new tee and sweatshirt on. I handed the clothes to Alice as I unbuttoned my jeans. She promptly threw them in a trash can and helped me get my shoes off, which she threw away also. Rose came up behind me and lifted me off the ground from under my arms from behind. Alice quickly pulled my jeans off and tossed them in the trash. Before I had a chance to get cold she was pulling new ones on and helping me get my shoes on.

I felt very much like the Barbie dolls I used to play with.

In a matter of seconds I was ready to head back out.

As soon as we exited the bathroom Edward was back at my side. He bent his head and smelled me.

"Much better… Not perfect but much better." I stuck my tongue out at him and tried to walk past him. He chuckled then grabbed me and slung me onto his back, just like Emmet had been doing all day long. But feeling Edward's muscles moving between my legs was doing things to me I didn't think possible. If there had ever been a doubt about how much I wanted Edward….. It was GONE now.

I groaned in frustration.

"You ok?" Edward asked

"Fine… I am just fine." I said squeaked quickly. "I am just getting tired." I lied but he must have bought it because he dropped it and kept walking. His hands back cupping my ass and holding me up as he walked. I wanted to throw him on the ground and ravage him but I kept myself in check and we continued on.

We were close to the penguins so we decided to check them out since we had a few minutes before we had to head to the reptile house to meet Emmet.

Carlisle seemed to enjoy the penguins playing and swimming and it brought a smile to my face as we stood there watching the penguins for a minute. Me still clinging to Edward's back… feeling every movement.

After checking out the underwater viewing area we headed towards the reptile house. Emmet was waiting for us with a totally not amused expression on his face. He looked mad and that was so not Emmet. I started laughing.

"What is so funny Swan?" He asked when we got closer.

"Mad doesn't suit you Emmet." I explained feebly.

"OH I am not mad." He said with a smirk. "I am plotting revenge."

"Where is my bag Emmet?" Alice asked coming up behind us.

"See phase one complete." He said to me then turned to Alice and said. "What you didn't see?" Emmet asked innocently. Tapping his forehead. "I accidentally threw it away when I threw my clothes away."

"That was a Gucci bag you idiot!" She yelled. Hell I didn't even know Gucci made a backpack but I wasn't about to ask now.

"Opps." He replied as he turned around and walked away into the building. Winking at me as he went.

Edward started forward and I tried to stop him.

"OK this is where I get off." I said and tried to pull away from him. "I am not going in there."

He stopped in his tracks and pulled me around so I was facing him, but not letting me down.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I don't do snakes or spiders for that matter."

"Why not?"

"They bite and they are scary and creepy."

This made him laugh. Loudly. After a moment he composed himself and looked into my eyes. I was serious and I didn't appreciate him laughing.

"Why is so funny Cullen?"

"Bella… sweetheart… love of my life…" He began as he pulled me closer so his mouth was millimeters from my ear. Whispering so only I could hear he continued. "You live in a house with things that bite, and some would consider us creepy and scary."

"Those things are venomous." I replied without thinking. I had good points they just sounded absurd when I said them to Edward.

"So are we." He replied matter-of-factly.

"They kill."

"So do we."

"One bite and I am dead." I was grasping at straws.

"Yep but they are all behind glass where they can't get you, I am right here." He said smirking as he kissed my neck briefly.

"Yes that's true but the difference is… they won't ask before they bite. You would….you have." I explained.

"Good point… but not good enough. Your going." He said as he twisted and flung quickly so I ended up back on his back.

"Asshole." I muttered as he began walking. I tried to pull away but I knew it was useless. I gave up and clung to him like my life depended on it. He laughed at that too.

We walked in and I could hear the rattle of a snake somewhere close. I shuddered and buried my head into Edwards neck.

"I swear to you Edward if anything touches me or scares me in here I will smash every CD you own." He laughed and kept walking.

"Bella please nothing will hurt you in here. I wouldn't allow it. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." I replied without thinking.

"Then come down and walk with me. I promise nothing will happen to you. I would carry you but I have a feeling that if anything even brushed against you, you would flip and there are a few CDS I can't replace."

"If I had known that I would have smashed them instead of your car." I replied as I allowed him to help me down. He set me in front of him and wrapped his arms around me, it was a little awkward to walk but we managed.

"Bella you could have smashed each and everyone of my CDS and I would be upset but I would have gotten over it. Losing you again is the only thing that could ever seriously hurt me anymore."

I didn't reply. I don't know if I could have if I had wanted to. I just thought about it as we walked. He was telling me the truth I could tell. Nothing could hurt him except losing me. My earlier fears lessened slightly. But before I could shake them all the way a couple zookeepers came out a door carrying a huge snake.

Emmet was thrilled and I was terrified.

Edward didn't let me bolt from the door but he also didn't get closer to the thing. He kept a safe distance and when I started to shake slightly from fear he whispered into my ear.

"Nothing will touch you I promise. Not even Esme will get close to you right now unless you say its ok. I promise you are ok." He crooned in my ear and I relaxed slightly.

We spent a few more minutes in the enclosure then finally we all decided to move on. I was equally scared when we headed towards the building where they kept the spiders.

Alice skipped along beside me and Edward.

"This is the last one Bella then we will get to check out the gift shop!" Alice said excitedly.

I groaned as we continued on our way.

"See snakes and spiders don't seem quite as scary now do they?" Edward whispered as Alice turned and stuck her tongue out at us.

After looking at more spiders than I thought ever existed we headed to the last horror of the day. The gift shop and Alice.

One hour and I swear at least one of everything later we were finally heading to the car.

I don't know how or where she found as many things as she did but she happily skipped out to the car carrying at least five bags. Emmet was loaded down with bags along with Carlisle. Edward carried a couple and Esme and Rose carried only what they bought.

I carried the bag that contained the new stuffed elephant Esme had bought for me and a stuffed snake from the smart ass Edward.

He had found it extremely funny when I scowled at him when he paid for it and handed it to me.

I forgot about it though when I handed the stuffed Rhino to Emmet after I had paid for it.

"Funny… real funny." He said with a smile. He tucked it under his arm and carried it with him. He was still carrying it now as he helped carry all of Alice's things.

Alice had bought him a window cling of a Rhino to put in the window of his Jeep. He flipped her off and stuck it in one of the bags. I was willing to bet it would still find its way to the window of his jeep.

"A person gets pissed on by one Rhino and they will never live it down." He complained, but laughing.

After everything was stowed carefully into the trunks of the cars, we climbed back into the cars.

Alice was chatting excitedly about showing Jasper the video of Emmet's golden shower as I leaned wearily against Edward's side. Just like the trip to the zoo he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me.

I must have been more tired than I thought because I was asleep before we left the parking lot.

* * *

A/N

The songs used in this chapter were _Only Time Will Tell by Nelson _and _Get Back by Ludacris._

Special thanks to jennibee14 who let me know that Rhinos can urinate at great distances. J

Also a huge thanks to all who have reviewed or added me to alerts! I appreciate each and everyone of you!


	25. CHAPTERTWENTYFOUR

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I slept most of the ride home. With Carlisle driving we basically did the speed limit so it was a couple hour drive.

When I woke I didn't open my eyes. I simply laid in Edwards arms and thought about things between us. I kept my breathing slow and steady and hopefully seemed like I was still sleeping.

I didn't want to move just yet. I felt safe and content laying in his arms and I wanted it to last just a while longer.

Besides I knew that when we got home he was going to want to talk about today and I wasn't totally sure what to say yet.

_Ok Swan it's time we figured out what we want_… I said to myself. Yep I was losing my mind… Or maybe it was already long gone and this was all just a twisted drug induced dream. Well either way I needed to figure some things out.

I loved Edward, I always have and I always would. But I was having problems convincing my head that it was ok to love him again, that all the stuff that happened between us had been nothing more than lies and the only thing that wasn't lies were the feelings we had for each other. Him saying he didn't love me or he didn't want me… those were the lies.

I knew that, but when you have been hurt like that it is hard to forgive and forget. I tried to forgive but no matter how hard I tried… I couldn't forget. Maybe I never would. But could I forgive? This was the question that needed an answer.

If I made the decision to forgive I had to try to forget and move on. I had to rebuild the trust I had in him and that was easier said than done. If I wanted to be with him I had to be there with him 100%. It wasn't fair to him to keep him close but still at arms length. That really wasn't fair to either one of us.

So here I was feeling like I was balancing on a ledge again. I had two choices. I could jump off the ledge, into the unknown or I could crawl back into the window where things were safe. Which way was Edward? I honestly didn't know.

Edward was safe. He kept me safe, he claimed to love me but it was going to take a leap of faith to get to him. So maybe a better analogy would be that I was already at the bottom of a huge pit. I could either climb, scratch, and claw my way back out or just lay down and be buried alive.

I could climb. Cling to everything we had and pull myself out and trust that what we had would be enough. I would have to let go of the hurt we had caused each other and love him more than I ever had before.

Laying down would mean I had to walk away from Edward. If I didn't believe I could get past all the hurt…. I had to let go and not look back. It was only fair. I couldn't keep leading him on. That would only end up hurting us both more in the long run.

_Good job Swan now you are more confused than you were before_…. I said to myself. _You are also talking to yourself again… way to go._

I wanted to scream in frustration. Why couldn't one fucking thing in my life be easy? Why couldn't one decision I made be cut and dry? Not life and death.

Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way….

I was and I knew it. I was long past the want part, not that I didn't want Edward, that wasn't the issue. If that was the decision I had to make, it was already made, because there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted Edward. God I wanted him….

No want is to weak a word… I NEEDED him. I needed him in my life, with out him I was broken. I had nothing with out him. If I laid down and let go of him… I would not only be leaving him, I would be leaving my family too. I would walk away from my family and my life. I wouldn't survive it, I didn't have it in me anymore.

But this wasn't just about me. We both had said things we didn't mean. We both did things we regretted. HE seemed sure of what he wanted and it was only right I decided once and for all what I wanted.

I wanted him. I needed him. I craved him. But I had to be fair to him. It wasn't fair to hold on to him…. To lead him on. If I was going to be with him I had to leave the past were it was. In the past. I would have to leave all the hurt and doubts behind and move on, if I couldn't do that.. I just had to let go of him and move on literally.

I was momentarily distracted when Alice spoke. "Carlisle could you step on it a little I am getting a headache." Alice complained.

"And if I hear one more verse of Barbie Girl… I am likely to throw her from the car! What are you hiding from me Alice?" I heard Edward say in a hushed voice.

"Just stay out of my head Edward and you would be fine." Alice snapped back.

"What is going on?" I asked forgetting my decision for a moment and opening my eyes.

"Good job Alice, you woke her up!" Edward snapped then looked down at me. "It's nothing love just go back to sleep."

"She has been awake for a while now, so kiss my ass Edward." Alice shot back at him.

What the hell did I miss? I slowly slid off Edwards lap and settled between Alice and Edward saying nothing more. Glancing slowly between the two of them wondering what the hell was going on.

Alice looked irritated and Edward just looked confused. Not another word was muttered. Until we pulled into the garage at home. Edward immediately flung the door open then climbed out. He bent back over and offered his hand to help me out of the car. I started to reach for him but Alice stopped me.

"Nope not so fast Swan.. We need to chat for a second. You," She said pointing to Edward, "Disappear for a little while. Go get Bella something for dinner. Yeah that works." She waved her hand dismissively.

Edward stood there and glared at her open mouthed and confused.

"Listen Edward I can sit here all night. If you had one once of brain matter in that thick skull of yours, you would give me a little while with Bella. If you leave now you can be back in less than twenty minutes."

"Fine. I will go. But when I get back I will be getting some answers from someone. That's not a threat, that's a promise." With that he shut the door and stalked off. Got into the Volvo and was gone. I immediately felt his absence.

"NOW for you Swan. In the house. MY room. NOW!" She flung her door open then reached back in the car practically pulling me out the door and dragging me up to her room.

"Sit." She said pointing to the bed then crossing her arms, facing me.

"What the hell is going on? What did I do? Why are you mad at me?" I asked, truly and utterly confused.

"First I am NOT mad… frustrated yes, mad no. The decision you are trying to make…" She paused and sat next to me on the bed taking my hands.

"How did you know that I was trying to make a decision?" I wasn't thinking clearly, she had caught me off guard.

"OH for the love of god! Bella I can see the future. Ever since lunch your mind has been flipping back and forth. One minute you are staying and everything is perfect. Then next you leave and EVERYTHING falls apart. I understand your reasoning. I do seriously. But it isn't fair that you are trying to make that big of a decision without at least talking to Edward first."

"You are the one who kept stopping me from talking to him today!" I snapped irritated and confused. She was right but I wasn't about to admit it.

"You want to know why I made you wait?" She asked smirking.

"Speak Alice I am tired of games."

"Well if it would have come out at the Zoo you would have flipped out. Panicked and tried to leave. It would have looked bad for all of us to have Edward grab you and carry you screaming out of the zoo slung over his shoulder like a god damn caveman. Then the police… ugh it would have been a mess." She made a sour face. Then looked at me for a minute. She appeared to be thinking.

"Bella I know it's hard….and I don't want to tell you what to do… SO instead I am going to attempt to give you some advice and hope and pray that you make the right decision." She paused again appearing to collect her thoughts.

"Sometimes you have to listen to your heart. You have to give him a chance to explain his side. If you don't you will regret it Bella. You keep pushing him away when things get to intimate or serious. You are scared of getting hurt again. I understand that. I really really do Bella… but you have to realize even as sick and twisted as it seems when he made those decisions about leaving you a few years back… he really was trying to put you first. He didn't realize how much he truly needed you until it was to late…. I won't let you make the same mistake." She got up and kneeled in front of me taking my hands in hers.

"You are like a sister to me Bella. I love you and I don't want you to hurt anymore. You love him. You CAN'T deny that, right?"

"Right." I said, wondering where this was going.

"And he loves you. There is no denying it. Trust me. You both made rash decisions that hurt both of you and those around both of you. Everything that happened sucks but you can't change the past…. You can change the future. I should know…. If you listen to your heart.. It will never lead you in the wrong direction. Follow your gut instinct… You are driving yourself crazy over this. You are over thinking it. Will you try something for me?"

"Um sure…" I replied I could feel the tears forming.

"Close your eyes." She commanded and I complied. "Just for a minute… forget everything else that is going on. Forget Victoria.. Forget your mom and forget your dad… shit forget me! Can you do that just for a minute?"

I nodded my head with my eyes still closed. I couldn't speak, no words would form in my head. I just listened to Alice's voice.

"Now ask yourself two simple questions…. ONE… Do you love him? TWO…. Can you imagine your life without him?" She released my hands and I sat there for a moment thinking about those two questions.

Tears began pouring down my cheeks as she wrapped her arms around me. I clung to her for a moment and I realized she was right.

I was trying to over think the whole complicated situation. I had already lost so much in my life and I wasn't willing to give up Edward. I love him and I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore. He deserved the right to know about how I was feeling and he deserved the opportunity to explain his side of everything.

Essentially MY decision was made and there was nothing more to do than wait to hear his side of the story.

"NOW he will be home in less than ten minutes. Go take a shower and try to relax." I reached out and hugged her again.

"Thanks Alice…"

"Thank me later… Shower now. I will get you some clothes together. You just go take a shower."

I nodded then stood and walked out of the room. As soon as I walked into the hall I felt a sense of peace wash over me.

"Jasper! I will hurt you I promise!" I yelled when I realized he was influencing me.

"ALICE MADE ME!" I heard him yell from somewhere downstairs. "She made me do other things too!"

"SHUT UP JASPER!" I heard Alice shout from right behind me. I jumped because she was closer than I thought.

"What is he talking about Alice?" I asked turning towards her. She smiled innocently.

"I have no idea Bella."

"Liar." I mumbled then walked away from her heading for my bathroom.

I walked into my bathroom and shut the door behind me. I walked to the shower planning on turning on the water so it could heat up. Before I did though I noticed all of my stuff wasn't there. Shampoo, conditioner, soap… upon further inspection I found my toothbrush and all other toiletries were no longer there either.

"ALICE!" I yelled.

"Yes?" She said popping her head in the door.

"Where is my stuff?"

"In your bathroom." She replied like I was crazy.

"I am standing in the middle of MY bathroom…. My stuff isn't here. Where the hell is it?"

"Like I SAID its in your bathroom." Then she was gone. Damn smart ass vampires. I instantly knew where everything was.

"You better not have…." I said stomping out of the bathroom and heading up the stairs. When I reached Edward's room I flung the door open and stomped into the bathroom. Sure enough everything was in his bathroom.

"ALICE!"

"Yes?" She asked innocently, popping her head in the door.

"I can't stand you, you know that don't you?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"You love me! Don't deny it. It is easier this way…. Seeing as your bedroom is packed full of your stuff from your mom's house. You will have to sleep in here anyway…"

"You little bitch!"

"Love you too!" She said smiling hugely, then she was gone and I was left standing in the middle of my 'new' bathroom.

Sighing, knowing there was no point in arguing anymore I stripped and got into the shower. I stood under the spray trying to relax. Failing miserably, I washed and scrubbed, then rinsed off and stepped out.

I screamed when I stepped out and Alice was standing there holding a towel for me smiling like the cat that just ate the canary.

"You are forcing me to make another decision Alice." I said smiling as I took the towel from her hands and wrapping it around me.

"What's that?" She asked with a smirk.

"Whether I like you or not. It's up in the air right now."

"Oh shut up you love me." She said sticking her tongue out at me.

"Does he know I have essentially moved in with him now?"

"Nope. It will be a surprise for him too."

"Great… and he won't be a little bit mad about it?"

"I can guarantee the exact opposite. He has considered this room his and yours for a long time now. He will be happy you finally moved up here where you belong." She explained as she set the clothes she had in her arms down on the counter. Sweatpants and panties.

"What am I supposed to walk around topless?" I joked.

"Now that would be interesting. But No.. There is so much crap I have to go through later I couldn't get to the closet. I was able to snag panties and sweatpants…. I figured you could just use another one of Edwards shirts."

"He is going to get sick of me taking his shirts." I said laughing.

"Doubt that too. Don't tell him I told you but it turns him on seeing you in his shirts. If you ever really want to get him going…. grab one of his button down shirts." She said wagging her eyebrows and laughing as she turned and left me to get dressed.

I pulled on the panties and sweatpants, then holding the towel around me I walked out of the bathroom in search of a shirt. I was standing in the closet when I heard a noise. Figuring it was Alice I continued looking for a shirt.

"What you come to pick out the shirt now Alice?" I said as I grabbed a white tee and walked out of the closet as I pulled it on. "Is this one ok little miss smart a….." I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Dinner." Edward said pointing to the bag in his had from McDonald's. "That one works just fine." He said pointing to the shirt I was wearing.

I suddenly felt very self conscious and nervous. "Um thanks I think.. I will just take this.." I said reaching for the bag in his hands. "And take it downstairs…." I took the bag and started walking towards the door.

I opened the door and shrieked when I found Alice standing there with arms crossed and glaring daggers at me.

"You are not even hungry." She said snatching the bag from me. "NOW you turn around and get back in there. I will be watching this door. If I even see you open it until you two have talked about things we will be leaving IMMEDIATELY to go to Minnesota." She said smirking.

"And just what the hell is in Minnesota?" I snapped back at her. I was getting tired of her bullying me.

"OH nothing much. Just my holy grail. The Mall of America. 4.2 Million total square feet, 2.5 million square feet of retail space. After they finish renovating there will be over 900 stores and I SWEAR I will drag you into EACH AND EVERY one." I could do nothing but glare at her. She smiled knowing she had won.

"Bitch." I mumbled as she shut the door in my face. Leaving me in the room alone with Edward.

"Do you think Rose would kick her ass for me?" I asked him turning around.

He laughed out loud. "You can ask her later. Right now I want to know what is going on." He held his hand out to me and when I hesitated for a moment he crossed the room and grabbed me by the waist then lifted my chin so I was forced to look at him.

The moment my eyes met his my worries, my fears, everything just went away and for a second I felt truly stupid for even thinking about walking away from him. I couldn't and I wouldn't. I knew at that moment that even if he said he didn't want me… I would probably end up like Jessica. Clinging to him and hoping he would eventually change his mind. He would always be the ONLY one for me. Just as he has been since the day I first laid eyes on him in the cafeteria of good old Forks High.

"I love you." I said slightly amazed by my revelation. I had always known I loved him, but in that second I finally realized just HOW MUCH I loved him.

He looked into my eyes smiling but looking slightly confused. "I love you too. Is everything ok?"

I took a deep breath and took a step back. Looking away trying to collect my thoughts.

"DAMN IT BELLA JUST SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT!" I heard Alice yell from downstairs.

"GOD DAMN IT ALICE IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE FOR TWO SECONDS AND LET ME THINK I SWEAR I WILL BURN EVERYTHING IN YOUR CLOSET!" I yelled back.

"I WILL HELP HER TOO. YOU MADE ME GO AWAY FOR A WHILE. NOW YOU DO THE SAME!" Edward added as he walked to the bed and patted the spot besides him.

Alice must have took my threats to heart and listened to Edward because she didn't speak again.

I walked to the window and looked out. Trying to calm down from Alice pissing me off. I had to have this discussion whether I wanted to or not. He had the right to know what I was thinking.

Much to my amusement as I looked out the window, I saw Emmet and Rose dragging Alice from the house towards the woods. Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme followed moments later.

"They are helping ensure we aren't disturbed by her again for a while." Edward said, still seated on the bed. "Now can we talk?"

"I don't know where to start." I answered honestly. Still watching as the group disappeared into the darkness.

I turned looking at the ground. Trying to summon the courage to start.

"Bella please?" Edward asked pleading.

I took a huge breath then told him everything. I didn't raise my head. I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I felt guilty and stupid.

He didn't say a word. He just sat there and listened. I felt his eyes on me. Burning me with their intensity. I ignored the feeling and kept talking.

I told him everything. About how hurt I was when he told me he didn't want me. About how I still blamed myself for everything. About how I didn't know if it was fair for either of us if I stayed. He didn't interrupt. I told him about what Alice had said and about me realizing just how much I loved him. I told him I couldn't live without him anymore and how much I didn't want to.

By the time I was done I was shaking and crying. I finally took a chance and looked up briefly at him. He was still staring at me. I felt like a child confessing to taking a cookie before dinner.

He had the oddest expression on his face. It looked like a cross between being royally pissed off, happy, and sad at the same time. It was only there briefly but it was long enough. I felt my heart drop back out of my chest. I took a deep breath bracing myself for what was to come.

"Are you done?" He asked teeth clenched. He seemed to be fighting with himself to retain control.

"For now. But before you say anything I just want to say I am sorry. I should have said something sooner, but I was just so confused and…" I dropped my gaze back to the floor, concentrating on one spot and trying to convince myself I had to give him a chance to say his peace, whether I wanted to hear it of not.

"Your right. You should have talked to me about this sooner."

"I know I….." I started but I was cut off by him suddenly appearing in front of me and taking me back into his arms. He lifted my chin once again and looking deeply into my eyes. He seemed to be staring straight into my soul.

"You should have told me sooner so I could have told you and showed you just how much you mean to me. I didn't know you were still having doubt about how I felt, which in turn was giving you doubt about how you felt. I guess we should have talked about this sooner instead of just putting it off for so long." I closed my eyes. Waiting for the final blow. Which never came.

"Bella look at me." He wasn't asking he was commanding and with out thinking I listened. My eyes snapped open and I was instantly trapped in his gaze. His eyes felt like they were burning mine from the intensity of his gaze.

"We need to get a few things straight right now, once and for all." He paused briefly making sure he had my full undivided attention. "Bella I once told you that you were my life. I meant every word. You were and still are my life. Without you I have nothing. If you have any doubts about me at all it shouldn't be about how I feel about you. The fact that you have been having thoughts like that tells me I haven't been clear enough. So let me remedy that right now."

He kept eye contact with me and dropped to his knees in front of me.

"Isabella Marie Swan I kneel before you to beg you for forgiveness. I have lied to you and I don't deserve your forgiveness but I want it. I need it. Because I can't live without you anymore Bella. I love you and I promise to show you and tell you everyday just how much you mean to me. I want us to start over. We can't change the past or forget it because it is what made us what we are today, but we can work together to make our future whatever we want it to be."

He took both my hands in his and looked up into my eyes.

"Bella I have regrets about the past too… more than you will ever know. But the past is what made you the woman you are today standing in front of me and if it is even possible I love you MORE now than I ever have. You have become a stronger more independent woman with a spirit like no other. You worry about hurting me but in truth Bella… I don't deserve you, I don't deserve your forgiveness and if you don't want to forgive me then please don't. Just don't leave me ever again. If nothing else I NEED you to know I LOVE YOU… I always have…. I always will. Forever."

I was in awe of this man. I tugged gently on his hands and he stood. I didn't know what to say or how to say what I was feeling. The love I felt for him in that moment was so fiercely intense it felt like acid coursing through my veins.

I was done thinking and worrying. I just acted. I leapt into his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. I tried to put every once of passion I had into that kiss. He responded instantly kissing me back.

He only broke the kiss for a moment to look at me. "Does this mean you believe me? That you will not be leaving me anytime soon?"

"I don't honestly know if I could leave even if I wanted to. I love you Edward so much…. I need you in my life. I can't live without you again..."

"Then don't." He replied cupping my face then placing the sweetest most tender kiss on my lips that I had ever felt.

He broke the kiss again, his eyes twinkling with excitement. "Stay put for one second." He said then set me down on the edge of the bed then disappeared into the closet.

Before I could blink he was standing in front of me looking down at me from where he stood. Our eyes locked.

Slowly he sank to one knee, our eyes still locked. My breathing hitched and my heart started racing. Then he spoke. Slowly and clearly.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you." He took my hand gently in his. "I promise to love you for the rest of forever. Will you do me the honor of being my wife? Bella… Will you marry me?"


	26. CHAPTERTWENTYFIVE

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

This chapter gets a little lemony so…. You have been warned!

* * *

I stood there stunned for a moment. I was totally NOT expecting that bomb. Now that it was out there, I had yet another choice to make.

_Well dumbass you did ask for a choice that wasn't life or death_. My brain taunted me. Well I guess in a way it is….but at the same time it wasn't. Living with out Edward was not life; it was death in a way. Whether I was a vampire or human I couldn't live without him anymore.

It felt like a proverbial light bulb came on in my head and it lighted the path I was destined to follow. The more I though about it… the more I realized the choice had already been made, long before this exact moment. It is kinda weird that my dad knew long before I did.

I belonged with not only Edward but also the Cullen's PERIOD. This right here right now is where I was meant to be. With Edward and the Cullen's forever.

I don't know why but I was slightly amazed by this realization. In awe, even. My face must have shown my complete and udder amazement because the sound of Edward laughing brought me back to earth.

"Are you ok?" He asked chuckling.

"Yes." I answered ignoring his question.

He smirked at me, "Yes you are ok or yes you will marry me?"

"Both." I answered smiling and shaking my head.

The emotions that appeared on his face were priceless and they changed from one to the other so fast it was almost comical. Happy, ecstatic, joy, contentment and about a million more flashed in rapid succession.

"You will marry me?" He asked again as that sexy smirk graced his beautiful features.

I nodded unable to answer with words anymore, as every emotion I had been fighting to keep in check, flooded out in happy tears.

"I love you Bella." He said as his lips crashed against mine. I could feel the love pouring out of him as he held my face and kissed me.

He broke the kiss for a moment and began wiping the tears from my eyes. He then kissed my forehead, then each cheek, then again grazed my lips with his.

I closed my eyes momentarily taking everything in. Then whispered, "Forever, Edward."

I opened my eyes and he was looking at me curiously.

"Forever?" He asked quietly.

I met his gaze and held it. _It's now or never Swan, just let it out! _I mentally berated myself. I took a deep breath and did just that.

"Forever Edward. I want to be with you forever…"

"Wait are you saying what I think you are saying?" He interrupted again searching my face for the answers he wanted.

"Well silly if you would have let me finish." I said smirking at the excited expression on his face.

"Well then by all means finish." He said smiling then settling himself next to me on the bed still holding my hand and trying to look like he was waiting patiently but failing miserably.

"I love you Edward. I always have but I just recently discovered just how deeply I was in love with you, or maybe rediscovered would be the better term…" I trailed off thinking for a moment.

"Bella PLEASE…" Edward whined, "This is one of those moments I wish I could read that pretty little mind of yours!" He said pouting.

I chuckled to myself and shook myself mentally. "I'm sorry." I replied taking his other hand in mine. "I want to be your wife and love you forever. I am not saying I want you to do it right now, but soon I … I want you to change me Edward. So I can love you forever, literally."

He pulled a small velvet box out of his pocket. Opened it and extracted the ring. It had three diamonds on it, starting out small then getting bigger. The one on the end being the largest.

He took the out of its velvet bed and slipped it onto my finger.

"The smallest represents our past, even though we deem it unimportant, it helped make us each who we are. The middle one represents the present, larger and more important. The last one represents our future, large and bright and as long as we have each other it, just as the stone, will be perfect." He finished speaking then placed a kiss on my hand.

I didn't notice I was still crying until he looked up and our eyes locked.

"No more tears my love." He said as he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. He once again kissed my forehead, then my eyes, then each cheek, finally reaching my lips, where he lingered for a moment, before deepening the kiss.

I twisted slightly in his lap until I was straddling him, locking my legs behind his back, and then wrapping my arms around his neck holding his lips to mine, one hand grasping his hair as he did the same with mine. His other hand ghosted down my back and finally rested half on my hip half cupping my ass.

I have never wanted him more than I did at that moment. I moaned with contentment as our tongues danced together. He pulled me a little closer with the hand he had on my ass.

That's the first time I FELT Edward Cullen.

To say I was surprised would have been an understatement. He didn't break the kiss but shifted slightly causing the huge bulge in his pants to push up against my core, causing me to gasp. Then breaking the kiss he trailed kisses down my neck, licking and nipping gently as he went. I turned to putty in his hands and GOD help me.. I wanted him to mold me.

I groaned and fisted his hair as he began kissing lower on my neck. Pushing my or rather his shirt down to just above my breasts and continued his assault, licking, sucking and nipping at the tender exposed flesh. He brought his hands up gently cupping my breast, and I could do nothing but hold on for dear life.

"Mmmm Edward…" I whispered breathlessly. He looked up and our eyes locked once again just as he ran his palm across my hardened nipple. I arched my back trying desperately to get closer to him, my eyes rolled to the back of my head and I tried to concentrate on staying conscious and breathing.

He gently rolled my nipple between his fingers through the shirt. Then bending his head he took my nipple into his mouth, shirt and all, biting gently. I gasped and I could tell he smiled at my reaction.

Before I could react or say anything else I was on my back and Edward was hovering above me, he paused for a moment looking into my eyes. His eyes were half hooded and coal black with lust. He seemed to be searching for something and I was just getting frustrated that he stopped.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop?" I struggled to ask breathlessly, slightly annoyed that he did stop.

"Absolutely nothing… it's just…are you sure?" He asked. He looked slightly scared himself and that reassured me for some reason.

"Make love to me Edward…Please?" I asked him or maybe slightly begged him, either way one thing was certain. I wanted Edward.

"But what if…"

"Edward I don't care. If it happens it happens. I trust you." I finished and began running my hands over his chest then down his abs. I felt the muscles tense and move through the shirt as my hand glided up and down his chest. I got to the hem of his shirt and gently and slowly slid my hands underneath his shirt to feel the cool marble beneath my hands that was Edward.

Before I could ask he pulled his shirt off and tossed it across the room and exposed the flesh I had been teasing. He was beautiful, and I wanted him more now than I did before, if that was even possible.

His broad shoulders held him above me, kneeling between my legs but making no contact. That had to change and change quick.

I leaned up slightly and placed gently kisses on his collar bone, I heard him moan, which boosted my confidence a little. I took my hands and ran them over his chest and down his chiseled stomach, watching the muscles jump as I made contact with them.

I heard him growl and I looked up. His eyes were closed and he was smiling, thoroughly enjoying my exploration.

"Bella…" He sighed contently. I continued to touch. I slid my hands around to his back pulling him down. His eyes opened briefly as he let his weight settle onto me. We lined up perfectly and as he lowered himself down on top of me his bulge seemed to get bigger as it pressed once again against my fully clothed soaking wet core.

I wanted more. I needed more. I ran my hands down his back and grabbed his ass, trying desperately to get closer to him.

His mouth was suddenly on mine again. He unwrapped my arms from around him, pinning them above my head with one hand. The other ran down my side down to my thigh, which he grasped and lifted it up slightly wrapping it around his hips, bringing more contact and more much needed friction between us.

As I moaned with pleasure his mouth was back on mine. I could feel his need and desire with each kiss, with each stroke of his tongue, and I matched it.

He kissed his way along my jaw line. Pausing momentarily to nibble on my earlobe before whispering to me. "Don't move."

I nodded and he let go of my hands. He licked his way down my neck, pausing every now and then to nibble or suck gently, until he reached the collar of the shirt. He released my leg to grasp the shirt collar with both hands, then he smiled wickedly at me. Before I could ask he ripped the shirt straight down the middle and exposing my breast to him. I squeaked in surprise of his actions.

He paused for a moment gazing at me. "So beautiful…" He whispered before he brought his mouth down to suck gently on my hardened nipple. Unable to help myself I arched my back and grabbed his hair, trying to force him closer.

He chuckled, "You never could listen." He mumbled as his tongue teased me. He brought his other hand up to play with my other breast gently rolling the nipple between his thumb and pointer finger. My body felt like it was on fire for him and even though his body was cold, I didn't feel it. All I felt was his hands and his mouth on me.

He spent a few minutes going back and forth between my breasts, never breaking contact with me. The more he teased, the more I wanted. I practically cried with satisfaction as he slid a hand down my stomach and into my panties.

He groaned as his fingers found my soaking wet core.

"So wet for me Bella." He whispered then gently blowing on my erect nipple and gently teasing my sensitive clit. I about exploded as he gently ran his fingers in between my wet folds and sank one finger inside me.

"Oh my god! Edward…mmmm.. more" I screamed as I tried to reach down and touch him through his jeans. He stopped his teasing momentarily to look at me shaking his head.

"No love, not this time. Let me love you this time. You can play next time… I want to make sure this is as enjoyable for you as it is for me. I have been told you will have some discomfort…"

I silenced him by kissing him, hard, trying to show him just how much I was already enjoying this. He growled again and before I could say anything else or kiss him another time, my pants and panties were slid off.

He smiled wickedly at me then began to kiss his way down slowly. Lingering momentarily on each nipple then kissing his way down to my wet pussy. He wrapped his arms around my legs, pulling me closer, then spread my folds and began attacking my clit with his tongue.

Before long I could feel something building, from deep inside me.

"Oh….My… Edward… I… thi…Cumming…" I rasped out while grabbing his hair before exploding. I saw stars. Shit I may have seen god but as I floated back to earth I felt him shift and momentarily he was gone.

I whimpered but before I could ask him where he was going he was back above me. Kissing my neck while one hand snaked around my waist lifting me slightly. That's when I felt his cock rubbing against my clit. I gasped as I looked into his eyes.

"I love you Isabella Marie, and I promise to love you forever, no matter what." With that said he continued to look into my eyes as he gently and slowly started to push himself inside me.

I closed my eyes trying to enjoy the sensation. It was only slightly uncomfortable as I stretched to accommodate his large intrusion. I felt him pause just as he came to the barrier that, once passed, would make me a woman in every sense of the word.

"I love you Edward." I rasped out, trying to remain as still as possible as I opened my eyes to look at Edward's beautiful face. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be trying to regain his composer.

Edward took one deep breath, then opened his eyes to meet mine.

"Forever." He said then still looking into my eyes he thrust one last time, burying himself deep inside me.

I stiffened momentarily as a wave of pain shot through me, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. After a few moments the pain began to lessen and I reopened my eyes to meet Edward's look of worry as he remained utterly still, still buried deep inside me, twitching trying to hold still long enough for me to adjust.

"Are you ok?" He asked and I answered by moving my hips experimentally. I was fine… MORE than fine actually.

"Yes….oh.. Please… Edward.. Move…Now." I panted and begging him to move. Slowly he pulled back then plunged back forward. Slowly at first then getting faster.

"Oh god Bella…" He whimpered as he moved. I wrapped my legs around his back and locked them, as he held my hips and quickened the pace.

Moments later I felt my orgasm building again as I heard him gasp. "Cum with me love, I am so close.."

That's all that I needed before I exploded around him, with him still buried to the hilt deep within me. Seconds later I felt him tense, then begin to pulse deep inside me as I clung to him for dear life. I never wanted this moment to end.

Moments later he collapsed on top of me and I smiled. Eyes closed, I felt like I was floating on cloud 100, screw cloud nine that wasn't good enough.

He rolled off of me after a few minutes, pulling out. I frowned at the loss as he pulled me up against him, holding onto me like I was the most precious thing in the world.

"Are you ok?" He whispered into my ear as he held me close.

"I am perfect…" I replied as I yawned.

I could feel him smile from behind me.

"Sleep then my love, we will talk more tomorrow."

And that's what I did. I drifted to sleep laying naked, content, sated, and where I belonged.

In Edward's arms.

* * *

A/N

Thanks again to everyone who is reading this, who has added me to alert and a special thanks to all those who have reviewed! I appreciate each and everyone of you.


	27. CHAPTERTWENTYSIX

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a headache and what felt like menstrual cramps, but I felt truly happy. I was happy and truly felt like I was finally home, and the world was right.

I stretched and yawned with a smile, but that smile quickly faded. As I stretched I unconsciously was looking for Edward. I found nothing. I opened my eyes slowly figuring maybe he had gotten out of bed. He was not in the room.

The cramping sensation was intensifying and I unconsciously lowered my hand to my stomach. What I found there made me panic.

There was blood. Lots of blood. _Ok Bella if it's your period there will be blood.. _I tried to tell myself to keep calm. But there was far to much blood to just be my period.

I lifted the sheet that was covering me and looked down. Almost the entire bottom half of my body was covered in blood. The coppery smell hit my nose as I flung the sheet off my body.

_Ok Bella let's just stay clam. I mean you don't know… I know… Shit._ I didn't think there supposed to be this much blood when you lost your virginity. _Breath Bella, think…. OK maybe it's a combination? The virginal blood and then I got my period? _Nope I was still pretty sure that there was still just way to much blood. What the fuck was going on and where the fuck was Edward?

I leapt out of the bed as the cramping and now a slight burning was getting worse. I made my way to the bathroom. I had to wash this off and try to see where the bleeding was coming from. _Should I call for someone? Who would I call for? With the amount of blood in the room…. Which one of the seven blood craving vampires should I call for? Where the fuck was Edward? _

My mind raced and I was scared, well more like terrified. I felt the tears before I even knew I was crying. I stepped into the shower and turned it on, not even taking the time to worry about the heat. The water was cold and dark red as it ran off my body. Not pink but red, which told me I was losing or had already lost a lot of blood. What the fuck?

My breathing increased until I was having problems getting a good deep breath. I slowly lowered my hand down to where the burning was the worst.

It was right over my vaginal area, just in the hair line. It felt like a series of small cuts. I brought my hand up to look at it and it was covered in blood. I froze, panic stricken. I didn't know what to do, what to say, who to call.

"Bella," I heard the knock at the door, the bedroom door. My heart started beating faster. "Bella are you ok?" The knock came louder but I felt paralyzed. I could hear Alice knocking again and yelling louder but I was frozen.

I just looked down at the water that was finally starting to run slightly pink. My hand still covered in blood. I heard Alice burst through the bedroom door and gasp. "Carlisle!" She screamed and then she was standing in front of me.

"Bella? Honey? Are you ok? What happened?" I felt confused and detached. I had no clue what happened or what to tell her. I was just as shocked as she was.

"Edward?" I croaked out. "Where?" I burst into tears and slid down the shower wrapping my hands around my knees, sobbing.

"Bella, Bella look at me." Alice was kneeling in front of me the water still pouring down on us. I refused to look. "Bella we have to get you out of this shower and let Carlisle take a look at you."

That idea mortified me. I mean I know Carlisle had already seen more of me than any father-in-law ever should have to but I was not really excited about letting him see everything, kitty and the twins included.

"NO!" I screamed and scrambled to get up. I stumbled out of the shower and I heard Alice gasp as she looked at me. I grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around me and grasped my cramping and burning stomach.

"Bella? What happened?" I looked at Alice and she was looking back at me like I was standing in front of her growing a second head.

"Where is Edward?" I asked again sobbing still.

"He left a while ago. Said something about blood and he needed to hunt. But he didn't say anything about this. We just thought it was the normal human-blood-after-sex-for-the-first-time thing. Not all this." She said waving her hands around madly.

"H..he left?" I asked in between sobs. I couldn't believe it. It made me panic more as I stood there staring at Alice.

I heard Carlisle come to the bedroom door and gasp. The scene must have look as bad as I thought it did. "Bella! Alice?" He said from the doorway.

"NO! Please just go away." I screamed. Then it really sunk in. He had left me laying in a pool of my own blood. He didn't tell anyone to check on me… he just left. "THAT FUCKING BASTARD!" I screamed and walked to the sink, placing my hands on it trying to take deep breaths to calm myself.

"Bella let us help you. Please." Heard Alice say from right behind me. "It's not what you think. Please just calm down and let Carlisle look at you?"

"NO not right now. I need… I need…" I needed Edward but that obviously wasn't going to happen right now. "Just give me a few minutes please Alice."

"Bella you have lost a lot of blood. You should let Carlisle look at you."

"God damn it Alice, I need a minute to myself. I don't feel light headed. I have a headache and what feels like really bad menstrual cramps, just a little burning. I will be ok for a few minutes. I need a moment to myself. Now please get the fuck out and leave me alone." I screamed at her. I know it wasn't fair to take it out on her but I was hurting physically and mentally, and I felt betrayed yet again.

I felt like he used me for his own purposes then left me to die. Irrational I know. But wake up in a pool of your own blood and discover your fiancée and intentionally left you there like that, then judge.

"Bel.."

"GET THE FUCK OUT ALICE NOW!" Turning to look at her. At first she looked hurt, then confused, pissed, finally mystified, before nodding once and turning around.

I heard her tell Carlisle what was going on as she walked out of the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. I heard another gasp, but from who I wasn't sure and in that moment I didn't care.

The burning and cramping feeling began to spread. Now it was radiating out from my abdomen and into my back and starting down my legs. I took a step back from the sink and slowly unwrapped the towel so I could look at myself in the mirror. What I saw I wasn't prepared for.

There were small purple bruises scattered all along my body, some looked like hickeys others you could tell were from fingers and hands holding me. But that wasn't what startled me the most. I bent over to look at it as best I could, no longer trusting the mirror.

There about an inch above my lady parts, just inside the hair line, was a series of what looked like small gashes, each spaced evenly. It looked EXACTLY like the marks James had left on my wrist, and in that instant I knew what happened. He fucking bit me.

But wait.. If he bit me wouldn't I be changing? Where was the fire? The searing pain? Me begging for death? I thought I wouldn't be able to even move for at least three days after…least of all be conscious… What the hell was going on? All I could feel was what felt like seriously horrible menstrual cramps and a slight burning that was spreading slowly.

It was like what I would assume a match would feel if it could feel. At first the flames felt hot, like the match was just struck.

I was fairly sure, now that I thought about it, that is the point while we were making love right as he stopped tasting the goods so to speak, I had felt the flicker of pain. But I was to lost in the moment to worry about it and then there was more pain as he entered me for the first time and I don't remember feeling the burning anymore. But it was there. In the back of my mind I remember feeling it, burning slowly and steady, like a match as it burns.

I was stunned once again, not sure how to feel. He had bit me before we had sex but still went through with the deed. I am not exactly sure why, but I felt slightly betrayed by that. I had told him I wanted to change but that I wasn't ready for it yet. But he did it anyway….

_OK Swan breath maybe he didn't realize he bit you, we were both pretty caught up in the moment, then after… when he saw all the blood he panicked? _Fuck I don't know I was so fucking confused right now. My breathing was coming in short pants and the panic and confusion was setting in deeper.

I glanced back down and saw that the bleeding had stopped and I was left with a perfect crescent shaped series of gashes. Well at least now I will have a matching pair, I laughed sarcastically at myself through the sobbing.

The burning was getting worse but I could still walk and move freely. The pain was constant but bearable, every so often there was a wave of pain that was worse, I related that with the stories I has heard about going through child birth. I could only assume this was similar to what contractions felt like. If contractions were had while being lit on fire.

All of this I could deal with. I knew what was happening now but what upset me more was that Edward wasn't here with me. It gave me some serious doubts. Doubts that I had sworn I would never feel with Edward again. I loved him, and he claimed to love me…. I believed him. But how could he just leave me like that. Bite or no bite I would think he would have at least sent Alice in to sit with me to make sure I was ok after taking my virginity. I mean it's Edward, he worries about everything.

I felt hurt by this, more and more as time went on and he didn't show.

I stood there in front of the mirror for a while. Staring at the evidence. How long? I have no idea. I just stood there crying and alone. The fire slowly spreading down my legs and up my back. I stood there until I couldn't stand to be still anymore. I dropped the towel I had on the floor, since it was covered in blood, and made my way to the linen closet to grab another one, then wrap it around my body.

I squared my shoulders and forced my legs to move towards the bathroom door. I pulled it open slowly and walked out.

Carlisle was standing in the doorway of the bedroom while Alice was finishing up remaking the bed. When they heard me come out they both froze and looked at me, both looking like they were about to jump and grab me at any moment.

I held a hand up, essentially stopping them before they acted.

"Clothes." I said looking at Alice as the smell of bleach flooded my senses. I covered my nose with my hand.

"Right here Bella." She said picking up a pile of clothes laying on the nightstand. "Sorry about the bleach there was blood everywhere. We took the mattress out and Emmet, Rose, and Jasper are burning it along with the sheets." I nodded although I couldn't bring myself to care. Alice started walking slowly towards me hold the clothes out for me. "We took the mattress off your old bed and put it in here." She continued as I gazed out the window and seeing smoke billowing in the distance.

"Bella can I take a look, please? Honey we just want to make sure you are ok." I heard Carlisle say from besides me.

I just shook my head. "Bleeding stopped." I said still looking out the window. Trying to concentrate on the grey and black clouds that were coming from somewhere outside the window, instead of dealing with the pain. "Another towel in the bathroom."

"Bella you have lost a lot of blood. I need to look." Carlisle said firmly, then placing a hand on my shoulder. I ignored him and took the clothes from Alice with out looking at her and she disappeared for a moment then reappeared carrying the bloody towel in front of her. Rose appeared in the doorway and gave me a sad look before taking the towel from Alice and disappearing once again.

"Where is he?" I managed to get out as I once again felt the tears begin to fall and another wave of pain lashed through me. But I held still refusing to give into the pain.

"I just talked to him on the phone." I heard Alice say softly. "He said he would be back shortly and to tell you he was sorry."

I started laughing. I couldn't help it. Carlisle and Alice both just looked at me. "He doesn't have the balls to tell me himself….hahaha… he has his FUCKING SISTER do it." I was laughing and crying and trying desperately to wrap my head around everything that had transpired in the last few hours. I was going hysterical.

I turned, shrugging off Carlisle's grasp on my shoulder as I turned to go back into the bathroom.

"Bella please let me look." Carlisle pleaded again.

"Please Bella let him look really quick, there isn't anything to be embarrassed about."

"No need." I said with my hand on the bathroom door. I used it to steady myself as the pain spread to my feet.

"Why won't you just let me look Bella? Please we are just worried about you." Carlisle pleaded and I froze for a moment trying to take a few deep breathes. It was beginning to feel like someone had used that fucking match to light a large log. A log that I could just tell wasn't going to burn very quickly.

"I said there was no need."

"Why Bella? Why won't you let us help you?" Alice said and she sounded hurt.

I couldn't turn around to face them. I was so hurt by Edward's actions. Shocked that he would leave me like this. Blood or no blood. He was supposed to be my mate, my love, my everything and he just left me bleeding… Alone, just to tell his sister to tell me he was sorry. I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

"Damn it Bella what happened? What's wrong." Carlisle said and it shocked me back into reality. I had NEVER heard Carlisle swear.

I didn't turn around but I hung my head. I felt shameful and dirty. I felt used, I couldn't help it. I felt like he cast me aside like a dirty pair of underwear.

"You don't see Alice?" I asked, my back still to the both of them.

"No I sort of tuned out when I saw you guys were going to…. You know. Now your future keeps flipping, like when you are undecided, sometimes it goes blank like it did the day you destroyed the Aston Martin. As for Edward I just keep seeing him coming back here and you being pissed. What happened Bella please tell us."

"He bit me." I muttered before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. I looked down at the clothes in my hand briefly as I heard a shriek and then more cussing than one would hear coming from a whore house on a busy night.

I dropped the towel on the floor and quickly glanced in the mirror. The gashes were already almost healed so I pulled on the panties and yoga pants just as Alice burst through the doors. I had expected that and I just chose to ignore her, instead looking at the shirt I had in my hands. Normally I wouldn't have minded, in fact normally it would have been my first choice. It was one of Edward's shirts.

"Bella how are you walking around? Doesn't it hurt? How…"

"I don't want this shirt."

"Huh? What shirt? What are you talking about?"

"Edward's shirt… I don't want it. I just can't…" Another wave of pain pushed through me and I froze, grabbing the sink to steady myself. Alice rushed forward and reached for me. I held up my hand and took a deep breath centering myself and letting the pain sweep through me.

A few seconds later the pain ebbed slightly and I was able to move again.

"Shirt." I said breathlessly.

"Amazing." I heard Carlisle mutter from the doorway and I quickly covered my breast the best I could. He didn't seem to notice. "In all my years and in all my studies I have never seen or heard of someone staying conscious during the change."

"Lucky me. Now I need a shirt…. Nothing tight Alice. Bigger the better right now….." I trailed off concentrating on my breathing as he burning reached my chest and began to flare out into my arms.

No one moved. They just stood there staring at me like I spontaneously sprouted a second head and then my second head had just grew horns and turned pink. I was getting beyond frustrated and annoyed and I was trying desperately to not take it out on either one of them.

I bent over retrieving the towel I had had wrapped around me and covered my breast and walked past them. I walked out the door and into the hall, just as Rose, Jasper, and Emmet were coming up the stairs.

I made eye contact with Rose and I lost it again, I started sobbing and sank to my knees. In an instant Rose was next to me as Emmet and Jasper just stared at me, looking unsure what to do.

"Shirt. Big." I managed to choke out and before I could blink Emmet had disappeared and reappeared holding out a green shirt to me. I smiled as best I could at him.

"I would have gave you the one off my back but it smells like smoke." He said kneeling down next to Rose.

"Thanks." I managed.

Rose helped me slip the shirt on over the towel so I didn't show the boy my goodies. The shirt was huge. You probably could have fit five of me in it but it wasn't constricting and for that I was thankful. I had closed my eyes breathing deeply trying to get back in control of my pain and emotions.

When I felt that I was in good enough control I opened my eyes and ended up letting out a startled scream. Jasper was mere inches from my face staring at me questioningly. Startled I scrambled backwards and got to my feet, my back pressed against the wall.

Jasper immediately held his hands up in a sign of surrender and didn't move an inch. My breathing was coming in short pants as my head now succumbed to the searing heat and now my whole body burned.

I looked around at everyone who had now gathered in front of me. Esme frozen halfway up the stairs all staring at me. Jasper's expression was the most confused looking.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I quipped. Trying desperately to distract myself from feeling or thinking.

"Incredible." Mumbled Carlisle again.

"Listen if everyone is going to just stand there and stare at me I am going to start charging admission." I said closing my eyes as another wave coursed through my body.

"I don't feel a thing…" Jasper said in awe.

"Great everyone stand and stare at the freak." I snapped, and at that moment that is exactly how I felt. Like a damn freak. A used, discarded, circus freak. "Fuck this.." I said, then turned around and marched down to the room that was formerly my room. I flung the door open and walked inside, shutting the door behind me.

I locked the door behind me, futile, I know but I think I made my point. I leaned against the door momentarily listening to everyone scramble outside the door.

The comment that surprised me the most was from Esme. Dear motherly pure Esme. As soon as I heard the words leave her mouth I had to bite back a chuckle.

"That stupid ass! When I get my hands on him…I will fucking kill him." The voice trailed away.

When the fire started to build again, I forced myself to wander through the boxes that where piled everywhere. The smell of my mother and home surrounded me. I randomly opened boxes and glanced through them. I really wanted my mother's quilt but that was back upstairs in ground zero. I wandered until the pain in my legs was so intense I had to sit down.

I made my way to the rocking chair that was in the corner and drug it in front of the window, then sat down and brought my knees to my chest, and began rocking.

Time started slipping little but little. The pain slowly getting worse and worse. I watched the day pass through the window. The whole time wondering if Edward was ever going to come back or if I even wanted him to now and at the same time desperately wishing he was there to help me through this. Even if all he could do was hold my hand and talk to me, I needed him there and he wasn't there again.

Another broken promise, another broken dream, and all because of Edward. He promised to never leave me again. He promised me forever and he wasn't there. I was alone again to bear my own cross, my own pain, and I assumed my own death, in a way. Alone.

Every time I had let myself dream or hope lately it was thrown back in my face. The physical pain I was going through was excruciating yes but it paled in comparison to the mental anguish I was dealing with.

It felt like Edward was constantly being dangled in front of my face, taunting me, and each and every time I finally had a firm grasp on him he was ripped away from me, whether by choice or fate I didn't know.

I could feel the venom spreading and burning through my veins, but I refused to call out. I refused to ask for help in anyway. Instead I sat, curled up in my rocking chair, rocking, and staring out the window.

I watched as the sun sunk lower in the sky and still there was no Edward.

Shortly after the sun had set behind the horizon, there was a knock at my door. I ignored it and continued rocking. I heard the knock once more before I heard Emmet's voice.

"Listen Belly, you can kick my ass later but I refuse to let you sit in that room all by yourself." Then before I could say anything or do anything Emmet flung the door open and stormed over to me, squatting in front of me. I refused to look at him, it wasn't him I was longing to see….

"Look at me Bella." I still refused to look at him. "Edward better have a damn good reason for being gone this long. Listen come downstairs, Alice claims dumb ass should be home shortly and…. Listen Bella we are all sorry for staring at you like some sideshow freak but in all honesty… we are in awe of you. You are doing something right now that has never been done. You are dealing with that pain… and I know it's bad… and doing it while walking and talking."

I felt the tears begin to fall again, honestly I don't remember them stopping but I couldn't be sure anymore.

"You are not alone in this Bella. Regardless of where Edward is… Each and everyone of us is here for you. You are my little sister and I am personally looking forward to having you around forever. Come downstairs please? No one will stare at you. Hell if you want we can watch the video Alice took from our zoo trip. Come on you know you want to watch me get pissed on again." I chuckled but still didn't answer.

We sat in silence for a few moments me staring out the window and Emmet staring at me. Suddenly Emmet stood up.

"THAT'S IT!" He announced as he grabbed me and flung me over his shoulder.

"God damn it Emmet put me down! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" I screeched at him.

"AHHH there's my girl. Come on we are going downstairs."

I cussed him the whole way down but didn't have the energy to fight him off. When we got to the living room I half expected him to throw me on the couch but instead he gently set me down, then sat next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as Rose walked up to us holding my mom's quilt.

I started sobbing. Esme quickly sat on the other side of me and pulled me into her lap and holding me to her, gently wrapping the quilt around me and stroking my hair. Emmet grabbed my feet and Rose sat in front of us on the floor. Alice, Carlisle, and Jasper were no where to be seen.

For a few moments I didn't ask, or speak. I just sat in Esme's arms, wrapped in my mothers quilt sobbing and as much as I hated to admit it, I wanted nothing more than for Edward to come home and take me in his arms and hold me like Esme currently was.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked after my tears had dried up once again.

"Don't worry about them right now Bella. Just concentrate on you and getting through this." Esme whispered.

"I can't, I need a distraction."

Rose turned around to face me. "I told you once I wouldn't lie to you or keep secrets….Edward called when Emmet was upstairs getting you. He apparently ran into an old friend of yours. So Carlisle, Alice and Jasper went to make sure he was ok."

"What?" I tried to get up out of Esme's grasp. But she held fast. Emmet now had a firm hold on my legs. The burning intensified as I struggled to get free.

"Bella! BELLA!" Rose was screaming at me. She finally got my attention when she grabbed my face. "As much as I would like to have seen him at least get his ass kicked… he is fine. They will all be back in just a few minutes then we will all find out what the fuck is going on. Until then you need to calm down."

The fire was burning hotter than it had ever burned as my heart beat wildly.

"He asked that Esme, Emmet and myself stay with you until he got home. He wanted to make sure you were kept safe."

That caught my attention. "He wasn't worried for my safety when he left me bleeding and alone." I spat.

Rose smirked at me. "You are my sister!" She paused briefly smiling at me, pride shining from her eyes.

She continued. "I don't know for sure, but I have an idea why he left the way he did. I also think that shortly after he left he ran across our friend and had a few issues, thus delaying his swift return. I am not going to spin theories Bella, especially on just my own speculations. But believe me when I say. If I am wrong and he was just avoiding you to be avoiding you."

She paused and briefly glanced at the door, where Edward and the rest had just walked through. She shot him a dirty look then turned back to me. Placed both hands on my face and looked me in the eyes making sure she held my whole attention.

"If I am wrong Bella. I WILL kill him myself."

* * *

A/N

SO any ideas as to which old friend our dear Edward ran into?

Anyone who reviews gets a cookie! Lol ok maybe not but it sounded good.


	28. CHAPTERTWENTYSEVEN

SM owns all rights

* * *

"I'll kill him myself." I heard Rose say and I nodded to her before turning my attention to the scene in front of me.

Edward was first through the door and he froze when his eyes met mine. His face held the expression of shock. I heard Rose growl in front of me, while she still glared at him. His eyes flashed briefly to Rose, then to Esme, then Emmet, before meeting my eyes once more.

The pain coursing through my body was so intense, my breath caught and my body went rigid for a moment. Esme resumed stroking my hair and Emmet gently squeezed my calf. I struggled to remain conscious concentrating on breathing and Rose snarling beside me.

"Wait… Hold on… WAIT just one fucking minute." I heard Edward say and my eyes snapped open meeting his. It wasn't like Edward to swear.. Well at least not in front of Esme. He looked panicked, maybe even a little sick. "You don't actually think I would have left her like that?" His gaze went back to Rose. "Do you people actually think I would have left her like THAT? Seriously?"

Nobody said anything. For a moment we just stared at each other not knowing entirely what to say or what to do. I couldn't speak. The pain that was coursing through my body was so intense my jaw was clenched, locked in an effort not to cry out.

"Well man if you didn't do it.. Then who the fuck did?" I briefly glanced at Emmet, silently thanking him for taking the words out of my mouth. "I mean I heard you come back after you left."

"Emmet. I didn't come back. This is the first time I have been back since I left earlier."

"Man I heard you come back through the window."

"Emmet, I swear to you on everything I love, this is the first fucking time I have been back."

I looked at Edward and from the pained look on his face as he looked at me… I just knew he was telling the truth.

If Edward didn't leave me like this… or come back and do this… then who the fuck did and what the fuck was going on? I was so confused and my head swam as my body burned.

"We will discuss this in a moment. Right now we have to help Laurent, Edward." I heard Carlisle say from behind Edward.

Laurent? What the hell was he doing here and why do we need to help him? The last time I had heard or seen him was after the baseball game, before James… before everything…

Edward stepped aside unblocking the doorway as Carlisle and Jasper half carried, half drug Laurent through the door. Laurent was pale and his left arm was twisted in an awkward angle. His right leg was bent mid thigh and appeared obviously broken. I glanced at his face and it was contorted in pain but his eyes where the same golden hue as the Cullen's.

"Emmet. I am going to need your help to set these breaks. We just need to realign the fractures and give him a few moments and he should heal." I heard Carlisle say as they sat Laurent at the table behind us.

I looked at Emmet, I watched his lips tremble as he spoke. I realized he was trying to whisper so I couldn't hear. "What happened to him?"

"I can hear you…" I said, partially annoyed that he was trying find out what was going on without me hearing. He looked at me quickly giving me an apologetic look, then looking slightly shocked that I heard him. Looking around I found everyone looking at me the same way.

"Stop staring….." I wanted to tell them to all quit staring at me like I was some kind of fucked up window display but was cut off by another wave of pain. This one started in my toes and shot upward and out. My head was pounding and my body throbbing. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate on something else.

I felt Emmet shift my legs slightly as he got up. With a quick peak I watched him get up and Rose taking his place. She began gently rubbing my feet as Esme rubbed my forehead. I closed my eyes again concentrating. I pictured last night and wondering what the hell was going on now. I felt the pain slowly begin to lessen and relax away slowly, never entirely going away but coming back down to a level I could handle. I noticed the pain got worst as my heart beat faster, I figured it was because the venom was pumping through my veins faster, but I couldn't be sure.

I was brought back to reality as I heard the sickening crunch and grinding of Laurent's bones being set back into their respective places. I heard Laurent groan and gasp as they went. I tried to tune it out. I felt Esme put her hands over my ears but it didn't help.

I tried to put my mind somewhere else. I concentrated on the crickets chirping outside. I could hear the river that ran behind the house, some three hundred yards away. The sound was soothing so I concentrated on that.

"I can heard the river…" I mumbled mostly to myself, trying to ignore the rest of the world.

"Amazing. Is she truly going through the change?" I heard Laurent ask and I realized they were done. Laurent sounded weak but better than he was a few moments ago.

"Yes she is. Although as to how and why right now are sort of up in the air." I heard Carlisle say as I heard something splash through the river, something that was running, or bounding rather, and headed towards the house.

"Something or someone is headed this way." I muttered and looked at Edward. He was still staring at me but once I spoke he turned his head towards the door, listening.

"Sam." He said before returning his gaze to me. He glanced at Rose and his expression turned annoyed. "Damn it Rose it's not my fault. When I left her it was nothing more than precautionary. There was a little blood from… well shit everyone already knows… from me taking her virginity. I felt the urge to feed. I didn't want to hurt her, so I forced myself to get up and leave. I walked through this living room and I know I told you guys 'blood' before I walked out the back door. I ran before I could do any damage. I would NOT have left her bleeding the way you guys keep picturing her in your heads. Honestly… If there was that much blood I don't know if I would have been able to stop myself from seriously hurting her. I swear when I left her there was barely anything! Bella please you have to know that! I wouldn't have left you like that." He was suddenly kneeling in front of me his face inches from mine.

He took my face in his hands, "Bella I admit I panicked when I smelled the blood. But I checked before I left. There was just a little blood, which I know was normal, but nothing that would have made it necessary to burn the sheets and bed to get rid of the smell. There was barely enough to stain the sheets…"

"Dude if you didn't do it. Then who did and why would they have bit her…. You know down there?" Emmet asked.

"And who the hell would have been stupid enough to even try to climb in through a window with six vampires downstairs." Rose asked, still sounding unconvinced.

"I think that's a good question Rose," Edward snapped "Better question would be how the hell they got past the vampires that were downstairs."

"WE THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!" Rose screeched.

"WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I HAVE CRAWLED BACK THROUGH THE WINDOW? BETTER YET! IF YOU HEARD 'ME' CRAWL THROUGH THE WINDOW, KNOWING I SAID THERE WAS BLOOD, WHY WOULDN'T YOU GO CHECK?" Edward roared back at Rose, his eyes flashing in anger.

I didn't know what to say or what to do. My heart started beating faster and the pain started to intensify again. Alice who had been quiet thus far finally stepped in.

"It wasn't Edward Rose. I know I sort of tuned them out last night but I am positive I would have seen Edward doing something like that."

"Did you smell anything when you entered the room Alice?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"I would like to say I smelled something or someone else but I honestly don't know. There was so much blood and I was worried about Bella…. Wouldn't there be a scent outside?" She asked.

"All I smelled when I left was wolf. I figured it was Sam and the boys from the other day." Edward said.

"Yeah I smelled that too and it's obvious that a wolf didn't do this." Jasper said as he placed his hands on the back of the couch, obviously trying to calm the situation down with his powers. He looked at me as my heart raced, he was concentrating on me. "Bella, do you have any idea how you are totally blocking me?"

"And me?" Alice asked walking up besides Jasper.

"Huh?" I managed to gasp out.

"I know you could sometimes block my gift from helping you but I was always able to at least feel what you were feeling. Now… I can't get anything. Every once in a while I can get a flicker of pain, but it's brief."

"Same here. I can only get flickers of your future… I seem to get the flickers when you are slightly relaxed."

"When her heart isn't going a mile a minute." Jasper said.

"Yeah." Alice confirmed.

I shrugged. I had no idea.

"Perhaps it has something to do with her change?" Carlisle asked.

The subject was dropped as Sam burst through the door without knocking. He burst in and looked directly at me before dropping to his knees. "Oh thank god!"

"Sam?" I croaked

He looked up at me. "Jake came by the house saying you were dead." He said panting. He seemed slightly out of breath. "I came as soon as he left. As fast as I could."

"How would Jake know." Emmet asked looking both confused and mad at the same time.

"Jake is working with Victoria." Laurent spoke for the first time in a while and everything sort of fell into place in my head.

"You're sure?" Sam asked through clenched teeth.

"Positive. I was coming to visit with the Cullen's and thank them for introducing me to the Denali clan. Tanya and I are getting along very well." Laurent said with a smile. "I ran into the two of them in the woods. Victoria demanded I help her kill Bella. I refused. My loyalties are no longer with her. I owe the Cullen's to much. But when I refused they attacked. Edward stumbled across us before they were able to finish the job. They took off. He called home and the others came." He finished, still sounding slightly strained but better than he was.

"Ok so now we know what happened to you but how did this happen to Bella?" Emmet asked sitting next to Edward on the floor in front of me.

"Has Jake been here to see Bella?" Sam asked getting off the floor and walking to the couch where I was surrounded by my family.

"No." I said meeting his eyes. Edward growled.

"He has been here. I smelled him as I came close. Until I saw you that's how I thought he knew you were dead." Sam said, anger and betrayal flashing in his eyes.

Jasper pushed away from the couch abruptly and walked out the door. Returning moments later. "He was outside their window and I am positive I smelled the same scent in Charlie's house after he was killed."

Everyone was silent. Thinking. I broke the silence as a fresh wave of pain coursed through my body, but this time I welcomed the pain. I didn't fight it, I relished the fact that I was burning and changing.

"He carried her." I stated through clenched teeth.

"Huh?" Emmet said.

"He carried the bitch so she wouldn't be detected." I said as the fire grew hotter.

"Why would he do that? Wasn't he a family friend?" Jasper asked, trying to understand.

"Yeah he was but when Bella left he sort of lost it." Sam explained. "He went around for weeks saying that he wanted to kill Edward for driving her away. He kept saying that Bella was supposed to be his. Crazy shit like that. He started to withdraw from the pack. We figured he was grieving and let him be…. I guess I should have kept a closer eye on him."

"Not your fault Sam." I muttered as my eyes closed thinking about Charlie.

"Ok let's say he carried Victoria here… one why carry her?" Emmet asked.

I chuckled at the confused look on Emmet's face as Jasper answered. "To mask her scent. So we wouldn't know she had been here."

"Why go through all the trouble. I mean, if she was able to get in the house without us knowing she was in…. and why not just kill her? Why did she leave her alive." Emmet asked looking at me.

"I don't know." Jasper answered honestly. I looked at Edward, making eye contact.

"With the amount of blood there was in the room when I got in there… it's amazing she is alive." Alice said quietly.

"Ok but why bite her cooter? Why not just bite her neck and get on with it?" Emmet asked obviously trying to get it straight in his head.

"Maybe it was the blood? Even though there wasn't much it might have drawn her to it?" Carlisle speculated. Everyone was quiet, thinking. I continued to look in Edward's eyes as the pain rolled through me.

"No…Think about it." I said, panting through the pain, after a few moments. "She wants Edward to feel pain for killing James. She isn't stupid. What would hurt Edward more? Her killing me? Or Edward thinking he possibly killed me?" I said through clenched teeth.

Edward didn't say anything but his eyes lit up as he thought about it. "I would have welcomed death if I thought I was the one who killed you. Shit I would have welcomed it if there was a chance that I was the one to do it. Even though I know I wasn't the one to bite you… I would have doubted myself."

"I think that's what she was counting on. I also think that she would have bled me more if I didn't start to wake up and then Alice walked in…. She probably panicked and figured she had done enough damage." I could see the rage rolling off Edward and I took his hand. "You can't blame yourself for leaving me Edward. I know you and I know that's what you are doing. You thought I was safe and NO ONE would have though she was crazy enough to sneak through the window and do this."

"I am just glad you are alive. I know you weren't ready for this…"

"It's ok Edward. This way I get to stay with you forever and you don't have to torture yourself by being the one who tried to turn me. It's not your fault."

"I'll kill her for touching you and the dog for helping her. Sorry Sam." He seethed and tried to stand up but I grabbed his hand restraining him slightly shaking my head.

He sat back down glaring at me. "She wont get away with this Bella."

"I don't want her to." I said smiling before curling my lip up and growling out the rest, "I want to be there and my first meal as a newborn, will be wolf." I glanced at Sam who smirked nodding. "Sorry Sam." I said slightly embarrassed for talking about killing one of his pack.

"Bella, I don't blame you. If he had anything to do with killing your father and doing this to you…. He isn't part of my pack. You and Charlie were family to the pack, you were under our protection, if he broke the rules… he is on his own. The pack sticks with family and he chose to pick a stranger over family." Sam finished folding his arms over his chest.

"So if we can't go kill him right now… Or go after the redhead… What do we do?" Emmet asked looking at me. You could see the rage rolling off him too.

"If this is what Bella wants… and it's her right. We will pretend like she is dead. If you are mad go out and destroy something. It will make it seem like you are grieving." Jasper said and Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"Then when my change is done… we will hunt her and Jake. Neither one will know we are coming. Until it's to late." I finished sneering. Rage, pain, and betrayal from Jake coursing though my body. "They wanted to play games… I will give them what they asked for."

I felt Rose squeeze my ankle and I looked down at her. She was smirking, proudly. "You definitely are my sister."

I smiled back and closed my eyes.

"Love would.. are you comfortable enough? We should probably take you back upstairs and close the blinds. If we are going to make it look like you are dead it wouldn't be unreasonable for me to keep you close to me for a while before we tried to bury you."

I nodded my head in agreement. I felt exhausted and even though I didn't know if I could actually sleep, the thought of laying in Edward's arms was sounding soothing and relaxing.

"Yes Bella you should relax as much as you can. I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse you are able to stay conscious through all this, but either way we will do what we can to make you comfortable until the pain leaves." Carlisle said joining the rest of us at the couch.

I felt Edward pick me up and cradle me to his body as he carried me up the stairs. He laid me on the bed and crawled in beside me, wrapping his arms around me, and holding me tightly.

"Try and relax love. I won't leave you again." He whispered in my ear as I willed the pain away. The coolness of his skin helped ease the burning just enough I was able to drifted into unconsciousness.


	29. CHAPTERTWENTYEIGHT

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS

* * *

"Damn it Edward there isn't time for this. Either do it yourself NOW or we will take her from you and do it for you. Decide NOW!"

Sleep or whatever you called this suspended feeling I was in was interrupted after what felt like only moments. I tried to find my happy place once again but it just wasn't happening. The fire in my body still coming and going but the pain wasn't intensifying beyond a point I couldn't handle it.

Carlisle's ranting began to have me worried as I hadn't heard Edward reply yet, he would only growl and hold me tighter. I was struggling to regain consciousness as I listened to people around me argue. I was acutely aware that it was just Edward, Carlisle, and myself in the room but I could hear the rest of the family just as well as if they were sitting in the room with us.

They were arguing about something and I knew it involved me but I felt like I was only partially in my body. I wanted to return and just tell them all to shut the hell up and that I was going through enough, that I shouldn't have to listen to them all bitch and moan along with it.

"She is becoming annoyed." I heard Jasper state and everyone shut up. "I'm pretty sure she wants us to just shut the fuck up."

"Bella honey can you wake up?" I heard Carlisle ask and I tried. I tried and tried but I just couldn't open my eyes and answer him.

"She is frustrated and confused." Jasper said but this time closer. Possibly from the same room. I just couldn't open my eyes to confirm it. "If I am guessing right she is trying to wake up but can't."

'_Thank you!' _I screamed in my head, still beyond frustrated I couldn't just say it out loud but relieved that someone understood that I was trying.

"Yep she can't and she is beyond frustrated that she can't."

"Sweetheart you have to relax. Don't stress yourself out more. I don't know how much more your heart can take." That scared the crap out of me. What the fuck was going on. It wasn't but a little while ago that I was up walking and talking. What the hell was going on?

"Fear, anxiety, curiosity." Jasper rattled off with military precision. "Either you do it Edward or I will. I won't lose family to something that can be prevented. Do it now before it's to late." Jasper all but growled back at Edward.

I felt Edward sigh and pull me even closer. "Bella I have to bite you again. We don't think there is enough venom in your system to finish the change before your heart gives out. Victoria wasn't trying to change you, love she was trying to drain you and you damn near exsanguinated here Bella. You have lost a lot of blood… You need a transfusion, which we tried, but your skin is just hard enough that the needle won't penetrate anymore. The only other option is to pump more venom into your system and keep your heart beating until the change is done."

'_So what exactly are you waiting for?_' I wanted to ask.

"More confusion…anger….and impatience? Yep impatience. If I had to guess I would say she is wondering, like the rest of us, what the hell your waiting for." Thank you Jasper, took the… well took the feelings right out of my head.

"She wasn't ready…" I heard Edward mumble but I was fairly sure no one else heard him. He was speaking directly into my ear and I could barely hear him. I understood. He was scared that I didn't want to change. But we had talked about this. He knew I wanted to be with him forever. But it was getting harder to stay where I was, where ever here is. My mind was fighting but my body was tired.

"I don't know what you said to her Edward but I am getting understanding, encouragement, and love. I also think that it's getting harder for her to hold on. She is exhausted Edward.."

I felt Edward pull me closer and hug me briefly before shifting me slightly so I was laying beneath him.

"Just push venom Edward, don't take anymore blood. You take anymore and it won't matter how much venom you push into her."

"Way to encourage the boy Carlisle." Jasper snapped.

"I was only…." I lost their argument as I felt Edward gently kiss my neck then his teeth break through the skin and the burn of the venom being pushed into my system. He pulled back after a moment and ran his tongue over the wound, then turned my head to access the other side of my neck. Repeating the process there, then on both wrists, ankles, behind my knees, inner thighs, and finally over my heart. Licking closed each wound.

When he finished he laid back beside me and gently lay his ear against my chest, listening to my heart beat, holding me tightly.

The pain and burning from the venom increased exponentially and after a few moments I was able regain the ability to speak, though strained.

"Edward.." I gasped out, running my hand through his bronze locks.

I felt him turn his head to look at me, I tried to open my eyes but the world spun and it made me feel sick.

"Don't strain yourself my love. Just rest."

"Can't…" I said through gritted teeth.

"Why Bella? Is something wrong?" Both Carlisle and Edward asked at the same time.

"YES." I snapped. Instantly feeling bad for getting upset.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, pushing the hair back that clung to my sweat covered face.

"Burns…. Like….a ….bitch!" I gasped out. I heard Jasper chuckle from the corner and I turned my head to smile at him. I chanced it and opened my eyes, just to thank him for his help. Huge mistake.

The world spun violently. Spinning wasn't really close to the feeling. It was like sitting in the optometrists chair, eyes dilated, and the doctor flipping through the different lens strengths, trying to find the one that works best for you… Only a thousand times faster. Extreme motion sickness.

I groaned and quickly closed my eyes and clamped a hand over my mouth. Trying to breath deeply in through my nose to help the nauseous feeling to pass. Now I knew why it would be better to be unconscious during the change, not only did I have to deal with the pain, I was now consciously aware of each and every change my body was going through.

But the worst was the pain. I kept poking myself in random spots just to make sure there was still skin attached to the bones. The bones that felt like they were made of glowing hot rocks and lava was flowing through my veins. I felt like I was melting from the inside out and as the heat and pain met the cool air that wasn't my body it was solidifying into the granite that was becoming my skin.

Edward held me close and talked or hummed to me as I tried to use the meditation techniques I had learned to block out some of the pain. Not that it worked. I found it easier to focus on Edward's voice.

The low hypnotic tones of his voice were able to put me in a trance for short periods of time, allowing me respite from the chaos that was swirling within me and around me.

Hours, minutes, days, week… time began to hold no meaning but I was eventually able to open my eyes and look around the room. There was still moments my vision would swirl but for the most part I had perfect clarity. It was like my body was making tweaks, or minor improvements, searching for that perfect setting.

I was able to hold short conversations, but my throat felt raw, which made it difficult say more than yes or no or the occasional I love you. For the most part I just nodded my head, pointed, or when Emmet was in the room I used my hands…. Mainly one finger to flip him off as he made some crazy ass comments about me being hot stuff… or on FIRE… or smoking hot… Twice in the last hour Rose has come in and had to drag him off, threatening to take away his Xbox. Who needs a kid when you got Emmet?

Time passed and I desperately tried to keep distracted as the burning became more and more intense. But halfway through the second day I was finding it harder and harder to keep distracted as I found myself being able to keep up with multiple conversations being held around me, follow the conversation I was having with Edward, Carlisle, and Jasper, listen to the creek run behind the house, hear cars pass on the highway, and watch the dust motes float about the room. All the while recognizing the searing pain intensifying and burning hotter.

When the pain was beginning to reach its peak they took me away from Edward. I allowed Esme and Rose to take me to the bathroom and clean the sweat and grime off me, I had banned Alice from the room hours ago because of her constant babbling and inability to sit still for more than two seconds. I love her but she was driving me fucking insane.

I was convinced they wanted or needed to wash or scrape away the seared flesh from my body. Alice was supposed to be finding me some clothes and then remake the bed since I accidentally shredded the sheets while trying to cover up. The hotter I burned the colder I felt so they kept piling blankets and sheets on top of me in an attempt to keep me comfortable. Didn't really work but bless them for trying.

I was laid down in a tub of hot water that they had infused with rose oil. There were red rose petals floating and further permeating the water making it smell sweeter. I tried to relax as they washed and conditioned my hair before massaging more rose oil into my hair and scalp. They had me stand as they rubbed the oil on my legs, arms, back, and stomach, before rinsing me off with the hand held sprayer.

They were finishing up helping me dry off, when I doubled over grabbing my chest. The pain flared up hotter than ever, like someone had turned up the fucking stove from simmer to HIGH just to make sure I was completely cooked.

My heart felt like it was about to explode out of my chest as the pain intensified and at this point it wouldn't really surprise me if it did.

I could now hear every beat, every falter, every thump my heart made.

"It's just about over Bella. It won't be long now." Esme soothed as Rose stepped out to get the clothes Alice had left for me.

"Seriously Alice? This is what you want her to put on? A dress and heels? She is going to have to go hunting not walk down a fucking runway or go to prom!" I heard Rose exclaim.

"I just want Edward to admire the finished product in…. Wait. Your right I am sorry. I have something better in mind." I heard Rose sigh and plop down on the bed waiting as patiently as Rose can wait as Alice flitted about between Edward's room and my old room which has been deemed "The Closet" because Alice has taken it upon herself to expand the closet that was in there to be able to hold more things I will never wear.

Moments later I heard Alice announce that this was THE outfit. Rose chuckled.

"Alice yes this isn't a dress but I am just making it known that I tried. So if she gets mad it's all on you."

"Rose it's the perfect outfit. Nothing loose and she will look hot. Edward will appreciate it and it will…"

"Alice. Shut up. I at least got her out of a dress so I will be on her good side, that's all I am worried about, because I am NOT going to piss off the newborn."

"No but if someone doesn't bring my baby some damn clothes you both will have to deal with a pissed off Esme." Esme barked and mumbled something about it just being fucking clothes and not being that hard of a decision. I couldn't help but giggle. Esme glanced up at me and smirked.

Rose promptly appeared holding a pile of black leather and lace, along with a pair of thigh high black stiletto boots with at least a five inch heel.

"Are you trying to kill me Alice because I would have appreciated it more if you would have tried to off me before I spent the last three days laying at the bottom of a volcano."

Alice poked her head into the bathroom and smiled at me. "No my dear I would never dream of hurting you. Who else would I play dress up with? Tried with Rose once… ended up losing my arm for a week. Besides you are a vampire, you will have all kinds of grace and shit, plus you can't get hurt anymore falling down so live a little." I showed her the finger I have been showing Emmet.

Fifteen minutes later I was dressed head to toe in black leather. Skin tight black leather. Let's not even talk about the panties, I might as well have just free beaved it with as much as they covered. The Black lace bra gave me more cleavage than I thought possible, which was only accented by the black leather halter top, that showed said cleavage off perfectly.

Rose carried me back into the bedroom and sat me down in a chair and helped me slide on the boots. I felt like a hooker biker babe. All I needed now was a pimp named Bubba or Tiny. I was about to protest when Alice came back into the room and sat on the edge of the bed bouncing slightly.

"You don't look like a hooker. No you can't change. It may be tight and form fitting bit it won't snag on anything and blood will wipe off fairly easily. Not to mention knocking Edward on his ass and distracting others at appropriate times."

I didn't have time to argue as the pain burned white hot and I doubled over screaming for the first time since the burning started. But almost as soon as the pain started it was instantly gone. Leaving me pain free for the first time in three days.

I stood and rolled my neck and shoulders. My throat was the only thing that felt like it was still raw. Rose gently coaxed me back into the chair and quickly combed out my hair, then French braided it tightly and neatly. I felt like a ninja assassin or some crazy shit.

My train of thought was interrupted as Edward and the rest of the men including Laurent entered the room. I didn't see anyone but Edward. His flawless face and his hypnotic topaz eyes. We stood there and stared at each other for a moment. Emmet broke the trance.

"Hot damn Belly Bean, you look fuckin' hot! Rose you need to get an outfit like that!"

Laurent was standing there with his back against the wall chanting to himself. "Irina is my mate. Irina is my mate. I love her. Irina is my mate."

Edward must have notice the rest of the males in the room because he was suddenly in front of me grabbing me. "MINE." He growled then sunk his teeth in my throat once again. It didn't hurt as bad as it did the last time he did it but it stung like a bitch. Kind of like pouring alcohol onto an open wound.

I couldn't move though, I was helpless in his arms as his teeth were sunk into my neck, pumping his venom into my system once again.

He wasn't letting go and I was starting to get pissed, until Jasper spoke very quietly, almost as if he was trying not to startle Edward or me.

"Bella just relax. This is normal. He is scenting you. There are less painful and more enjoyable ways to do it but when we feel threatened or feel that our status with our mate is being threatened we will mark them to ensure our scent is on them and in them." I couldn't even nod to acknowledge his statement as I was being held immobile in Edward's arms with his teeth buried deep in my neck.

"Edward no one is going to take her from you, but her eyes match her clothes. She needs to hunt." Esme said in that soothing mom voice.

Edward slowly released me licking the mark closed and then turning me so I was facing him. "Sorry." He mumbled. I could only shake my head hoping to convey that I wasn't mad at him. Yes it hurt like hell but you can't fight instinct. "Her eyes are black. They should be red Carlisle, what's wrong with her?" Edward asked sounding slightly panicked.

I personally couldn't care less what color my eyes were at that moment as the burning in my throat intensified. "She needs to feed. Her throat is hurting her a great deal." Jasper commented and tried to send me some soothing vibes. "Get mad at me later Bella, right now we just need you to calm down a little." I nodded in understanding.

"Can you talk Bella?" Carlisle asked and I shook my head rubbing my throat trying to convey it hurt. "I think the color of her eyes is a result of the amount of blood she had in her system when she was turned."

"I been feeling hunger from her for about a day and a half, but didn't think it was bloodlust." Jasper replied sounded like a guilty child.

"It's not your fault son, Bella is a first for me. I have never seen someone turned having that little of their own blood in their system, not to mention being awake for almost the whole thing."

"Well we can all sit around and debate this later. Right now I need to get Bella fed." Edward snapped impatiently and grabbed my hand heading towards the door. "After a couple deer, maybe a bear you'll feel a lot better." I tried to stop but he kept pulling.

"Yeah sissy let's go rustle you up some grub." Emmet said grabbing my other hand. I was getting agitated and fighting with myself not to lose it.

I planted my feet and jerked my hands away from the two idiots who wouldn't stop. I shook my head violently, trying to let them know that I wasn't interested in bear or deer.

"What's wrong Bella?" Edward asked turning around to look at me, worry evident on his face.

I was so frustrated and my throat burned with need but I had made a promise and I planned on keeping that.

"Wolf." I managed to croak out. My first meal would be wolf one way or another.


	30. AN

A/N

* * *

I know this is one of those damn annoying notes again… I know I have promised updates for both of my stories to a lot of people. But I am sorry to say but it is going to be a while before that happens.

Those who follow me on twitter know that a week ago last Sunday we buried my husbands grandmother. Well at 2am this morning at the age of 58 we lost my husbands father. It was very sudden. They are saying it was a heart attack and after them trying for almost two hours we asked them to stop and just let him go.

My husbands father was more of a father to me in the 12 years my husband and I have been together than my own father has been my whole life. He was a man that would have given you the shirt off his back and his last piece of bread if he knew it would help you. He was a great man. The kind of man that only comes around once in a lifetime and I owe him everything…. He will be missed.

It feels like a dream… a horrible horrible dream but we are trying to look to the bright side of things. We took care of my father in law. He was bed ridden and had been for almost 4 years. He was in constant pain from the degenerative disk disease in his lower back and the arthritis. He isn't hurting anymore and he is at peace now.

But to top it all off my husbands cousins mother (who is also someone my husband has always considered a grandmother) was rushed to the emergency room this morning and they are saying there isn't much more they can do for her either. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

So while some of you might not care this helped me sort some things in my head but it is going to be a while before I get back into the swing of things. Seeing him gasping for breath, saying he couldn't breath and having to perform CPR on him until the ambulance arrived were the single most terrifying experiences of my life. We believe he was gone before the ambulance arrived and while it wasn't a peaceful death when he laid back and closed his eyes before I started CPR he had a smile on his face.

So before this actually become a whole freaking chapter in itself. I am going to stop and go try to get some sleep.

Rest in Peace Larry Dale… we will see you again one day. We love you and will miss you!

XOXO

T


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